Lost and alone, need advice!

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Lost and alone, need advice!

Unread postby countingstars » 21 January 2020, 16:19

Hi there! This is my first post on this forum. Was on GayTeenForum for years back in the days.. I just feel like I need to get some opinions on what I am going through.

I have been in a relationship with a guy for a year now. He has made me feel so good about myself like I never have, he's the only guy I ever met that loves me genuinely. We have had our ups and downs, and I have done terrible things that pissed him off and he almost broke up with me multiple times. They haunt my memories everyday. But in general, I know we do love each other and most of the time we make each other better people.

He recently relocated to another country. We both know that I would eventually join him. So at the moment we are doing long-distance. And I have not stopped feeling so alone and unmotivated to do anything. Everywhere I go it reminds me of his presence. He's seen me having breakdowns before he left and I had a couple as well after he left. Anyway long story short, we are having an argument. He wasn't happy with how I wasn't doing something I'm meant to do, so he said things that are hurtful, and it felt like he didn't understand the pain I'm going through. Plus, my emotional state has already made me feel shit about the situation. So after I hung up the phone, I had another breakdown for an hour or so. And then I told him how I feel, about how I didn't need to hear certain comments at that time.

Now he's just saying I'm trying to make him feel bad, and that he's worrying about a lot of things at the moment and I just add on to his problems. Then he's trying to play the victim by telling me how horrible he is and how he is not good for me. I tried making him feel better (because he is also going through the difficulties being long distance) but everything I say, he just thinks I am making things worse. Then, he finally said he can't continue anymore and he feels very negative about the relationship. At this point I was getting angry, so I said some hurtful things back and that if he wants to break up, I'll comply. I have not stopped having little emotional outbursts since then.

He hasn't gotten back to me yet but I have no idea what to do. My problem is, I do not want to break up. I do not mean the hurtful things I said. But I said them in hopes he will understand why I got so upset in the first place. If he's at this stage of thinking negatively about me and the relationship, is there even a point to go on? Should I try to save it? Is he just having an episode like I am, or is he for real, because honestly I can't tell. I don't wanna force things that are not there. But it's very hard to let go in reality: a year of memories, belongings, sharing finances and shared social media accounts. :(
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Re: Lost and alone, need advice!

Unread postby RenĂ© » 21 January 2020, 16:34

Aww. Well, it sounds like there may be some psychological issues here that could probably benefit from counselling (on both sides)... but I wonder if perhaps it could be helpful to show him your post?
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