Making a choice between two people.

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Making a choice between two people.

Unread postby Eos » 16 June 2019, 08:20

Hi !

I'm currently struggling with myself to make a decision that seems impossible to make.

Two weeks ago, I contacted someone on a dating app. We already talked months ago but the conversation stopped for no reason. So I told him if he was ok to meet me this week. He said yes.

The problem, is that someone else contacted me this Monday. I didn't think of the first guy, so we talked and met 3 days later. This date went well, we talked about who we are, and I was even able to talk about some big problems I'm living (even tough I try to avoid talking about it, specifically the first date). He was really gentle and understanding.

On Friday, he told me if I wanted to go deeper on this relationship, and I've been honest with him why I had to make the choice between him and the other. And even then he was understanding about me.

I met the other guy yesterday, we saw a movie, walked, and had a drink.
The thing is that we didn't have any serious talks, we mostly talked about Star Wars and other science fiction things.

The thing is that I don't know for which one I should go. And I hate to make that choice because so far I like them both, but not in the same way.

I'll try to sum it up that way :

Guy 1 :
-Seems really gentle and understanding
-Like sports (I'm not a sport person)
-Looks quite older even tough they have the same age
-Doesnt have a passion for science fiction but seems very motivated to discover this universe.
-Doesnt play video games and doesn't seems interested in any way regarding them.


Guy 2 :
- I can't tell what kind of person he is.
- Lead a bit too much the conversation, I like that but I couldn't talk much.
- Better looking
- I know he loves science fiction.
- Play video games.
- Watch series and films.
- Seems smarter than me (and I don't like that as I feel I don't belong here, I'm not a smart person)

I know I shouldn't favor the second guy because he likes what I likes, but I think it would be cool to share our passions. And as we didn't have any serious talks, I can't tell if he is as gentle and as understanding as the first guy. And he doesn't know about my problems. I like the first guy especially for that. But I'm afraid it cannot work on the long run as we don't share many passions.


I must give my answer for the first guy on Monday, and I still don't know what to tell. Can you please help me ?
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Re: Making a choice between two people.

Unread postby erti » 16 June 2019, 08:36

Sounds like the first one I'd be iffy on because you've already lost contact with at one point and there's a risk of that happening again. Sounds like the second one you're able to get more of a deeper level with and he is understanding of your problems. You're also more physically attracted to him compared to the first one. Also the second guy you share more of the same interest. He may seem smarter but that shouldn't stop you from the relationship. If anything give it an opportunity to have better and more intellectual conversations.
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Re: Making a choice between two people.

Unread postby Eos » 16 June 2019, 08:43

I'm sorry if I'm confusing with my writing but it wasn't what I meant.

I'm not physically attracted to the guy that is understanding of my problems.
The guy that is smarter than me is the guy which I feel more attracted (physically). I share more interests with this one.

I'm not that much into intellectual conversations. Some from time to time yes. But I have seen him only once it's hard to tell if he is gonna be this way always.
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Re: Making a choice between two people.

Unread postby erti » 16 June 2019, 08:53

OOOOOH, ok... sorry I misread it.

Though choice really but like I said, I'd be more wary of the first dude because he suddenly cut contact with you. Did you give you the reason why y'all stop suddenly talking to each other?
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Re: Making a choice between two people.

Unread postby Eos » 16 June 2019, 09:06

It was kinda my fault, a lot of people were talking to me at one time and I couldn't talk to everyone. I may not have been very inspired to talk. There really wasn't any good reason to stop. That's why I apologized and asked if he was still interested.
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Re: Making a choice between two people.

Unread postby erti » 16 June 2019, 09:22

So basically with the first guy you were able to connect with on a deeper level while the second one you are more attracted to and share the same interest. We can't decide for you because in the long run you gotta be comfortable with your choice. question is... what do YOU want in a relationship?
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Re: Making a choice between two people.

Unread postby Eryx » 16 June 2019, 09:46

Eos wrote:I'm not physically attracted to the guy [...]
You see how this could be a big problem, right? The beginning of a relationship is when everything's supposed to be exciting, and here it already isn't. That can't be good.
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Re: Making a choice between two people.

Unread postby Eos » 16 June 2019, 09:49

Eryx wrote:
Eos wrote:I'm not physically attracted to the guy [...]
You see how this could be a big problem, right? The beginning of a relationship is when everything's supposed to be exciting, and here it already isn't. That can't be good.


Well he is fine. I'm sure I can get used to this. The fact he is very understanding make me feel great about him.

It's so hard ! ^^
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Re: Making a choice between two people.

Unread postby Eryx » 16 June 2019, 10:25

If you say so!
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Re: Making a choice between two people.

Unread postby Poisson » 16 June 2019, 18:39

I think that Erti is right: we can’t help much because we don’t know them or what you are looking for in a relationship...

Someone once gave me a weird tip for this kind of situation. Flip a coin to choose between them, and if you’re really disappointed by the result, you’ll know that deep down you wanted the other option :P For me it actually works haha
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Re: Making a choice between two people.

Unread postby Eos » 16 June 2019, 18:50

Thanks for the advice !
I told him I couldn't make a choice under those circumstances, and he is OK with that. So we will see how it will go.
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Re: Making a choice between two people.

Unread postby Iamjava » 16 June 2019, 18:56

ask both of them if they enjoy a 3-way.
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Re: Making a choice between two people.

Unread postby poolerboy0077 » 16 June 2019, 19:11

I’m not trying to be funny when I say this, but why not both? Would they be open to that? Would you?
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Re: Making a choice between two people.

Unread postby Jryski » 17 June 2019, 00:29

Seems a bit early to have to choose between one of them. Yall only met once and its causing you stress like this already? Drop both of them and get a dog instead! :)
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Re: Making a choice between two people.

Unread postby Eos » 17 June 2019, 07:39

poolerboy0077 wrote:I’m not trying to be funny when I say this, but why not both? Would they be open to that? Would you?


No I wouldn't want that.

I agree it's too soon to make me choose. As I said, we will see how things develop.
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Re: Making a choice between two people.

Unread postby Jryski » 17 June 2019, 09:41

Oooh exciting! Keep us updated! :D
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Re: Making a choice between two people.

Unread postby Eryx » 17 June 2019, 13:37

Jryski wrote:Seems a bit early to have to choose between one of them. Yall only met once and its causing you stress like this already? Drop both of them and get a dog instead! :)

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: Making a choice between two people.

Unread postby mxguy01 » 17 June 2019, 19:16

They are trying (at least the one where it is an ultimatum) to move you from "just dating" to a monogamous relationship before what I seem to sense is a time you are ready for that. And really you seen them once and your ready to commit. Bahahahaha

Yeah, why do guys that you have sex with you once feel that they immediately have the right to demand monogamy? I also notice they bring this up after the deed and not before.

Dating is not just one date.
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Re: Making a choice between two people.

Unread postby mxguy01 » 17 June 2019, 19:22

Eryx wrote:
Jryski wrote:Seems a bit early to have to choose between one of them. Yall only met once and its causing you stress like this already? Drop both of them and get a dog instead! :)

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


Dogs are way too much commitment, effort and trouble. I'm done picking up shit in relationships. Have a decent lineup of FWBs/FBs and your set; no dog required. Now when you end up meeting someone who stands out as a possibility far above and beyond that lineup, you got a definite maybe to look into farther.
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Re: Making a choice between two people.

Unread postby JoelR » 19 June 2019, 13:47

It sounds like you've been on 1 whole date with each of them, which is not exactly "Must Make Life Decision" moment.

You need to progress with each of them. You're just seeing them as friends and you deserve to make the best option for yourself.

Also, what I can tell you is that a relationship isn't based on interests. Who cares if one is really into sports and the other is really into scifi? You need to find a guy who will grow with you in the relationship, meaning you will explore sports for him and he will explore scifi for you.
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