My Boyfriend Doesn’t want to live with me!

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My Boyfriend Doesn’t want to live with me!

Unread postby JRW8790 » 13 May 2020, 01:20

So me and my boyfriend have been together about 2 years, we are in love and adore each other deep down but it isn’t unusual for us to get on each other’s nerves from time to time which im sure is normal.

I have mental health issues and he doesn’t and I get upset quite often which he’s okay with but if it’s directed at him he gets short with me.

Now we have been fine for months and we haven’t had any issues especially since we are in lockdown due to COVID-19 and haven’t seen each other much but we talk everyday for hours still. He has recently told me he doesn’t wanna move in together. He knows how paramount this topic is for me and how much I’ve always wanted a place of my own. We both live at home in our parents house and I wanna get my own place he’s 19 and I’m 21 and I think we’re both ready but he doesn’t. What should I do, my home life isn’t substantial at all as me and my father pretty much hate each other and my mother is really sick and disabled and can’t take the stress of us falling out (I love my mother tho) and I’ve needed to move out for so long however my boyfriend doesn’t need to as he is content at home and has what is considered a “normal family life” and has everything he could ever want all at home.

So, yes I understand our spats and my behaviour may be off putting but, we love each other more than anything else and we always end up laughing and when we first got together we argued a lot but we have gotten used to each other and haven’t argued for months and actually gotten ok really well and I would have thought this would be encouraging for him but no. So what does this mean I have to wait forever? What is the best course of action? (Also we hardly ever have sex)
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Re: My Boyfriend Doesn’t want to live with me!

Unread postby Eryx » 13 May 2020, 03:44

If you can't live on your own on your own, it means you aren't ready. Moving out can be cool when it's with someone we like, someone we're with, but it's not mandatory and you should focus always on being able to do things on your own two feet. You want to leave your parents' drama and start your own life, but that should never be dependent on him wanting to take the same step or not.

It's unfair to expect this from him and he has a right to want to separate his private life from his relationship. I think it's something you need to be understanding of. If you want to move forward in this aspect and be closer to him, just look for places that are closer to his, don't try to force him to move in with you just because you're the one who's ready. Do your own mental exercise, would you like to be rushed into something like that?

Also you're both really, really young and unless you've both graduated at a University (which I'm pretty sure you haven't), moving in together doesn't seem like a great idea in today's environment. Get a good salary first. Living on your own can get quite expensive, it's quite a hassle and if he leaves your life, you'll have a lot to answer for without much structure to fix it.
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Re: My Boyfriend Doesn’t want to live with me!

Unread postby PopTart » 13 May 2020, 08:27

I would add that, there are practical considerations too.

Neither of you has lived with someone else in a relationship before, you already clash somewhat. Moving in together, could reveal further tensions, that lead to neither of you wanting to be together, but being financially bound together, unable to move on independantly of eachother, or have to return home.

Neither of those things is pleasant. On the one hand your faced with the prospect of having to live with a partner you no longer love, trying to date seperately, not get in eachothers way etc or return to the family home, having failed to make a go of it and now knowing what independance and freedom feel like. That can be a bitter pill to swallow.

I would second Eryx advice here and suggest you focus on your own goals and independance, if that is what you desire.
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Re: My Boyfriend Doesn’t want to live with me!

Unread postby betonhaus » 13 May 2020, 09:52

I think he'd like you to move in as an equal, not as a dependant. You can really love the guy but still feel a little icky about putting yourself in a situation where he depends on you for basic necessities like food and shelter. He'd be more comfortable if he knew that if something happens you can stand on your own two feet, even if it would never come to that.
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Re: My Boyfriend Doesn’t want to live with me!

Unread postby JRW8790 » 13 May 2020, 12:20

It’s no surprise that I was the one that was overacting somewhat so I really appreciate and value your guys opinions so thank you so much. I will take your advice and try and do thinks more independently. Maybe that’s what I’ve been missing in my life my own independence, thanks so much guys for your well rounded and great advice I appreciate it so much! :)
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Re: My Boyfriend Doesn’t want to live with me!

Unread postby Eryx » 13 May 2020, 18:57

Hope you stick around :)
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