My boyfriend is uncomfortable with drag - what do I do ?

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Re: My boyfriend is uncomfortable with drag - what do I do ?

Unread postby poolerboy0077 » 28 February 2020, 02:50

Brenden wrote:
poolerboy0077 wrote:
Brenden wrote:Gay ≠ feminine

It might not equal it but there does seem to be a very strong association between male homosexuality and feminine demeanor and speech.

There are many homosexuals who are not feminine (not that you'd see much of them what with your proclivities). There's a selection bias at work because the feminine ones stick out like sore thumbs.

I was referring to the research that’s out there, not to personal impressions. The fact that there’s many masculine gay males doesn’t negate the presence of an association there. There’s a reason why many gay more turn out feminine more than their straight counterparts. It’d be silly to brush this aside as a mere affectation.
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Re: My boyfriend is uncomfortable with drag - what do I do ?

Unread postby Brenden » 28 February 2020, 02:58

Capt._Trips wrote:
Brenden wrote:
Capt._Trips wrote:Are you saying that drag queens are transsexuals?
Thats not true at all. Lol

Do you know that commas delineate seperate items on a list?

Can you argue the point and not my punctuation.
On a sidenote i think your a bum that is freeloading off of Rene and his family.
If you want to start talking shit then i guess let's do it.

:facepalm2:

Your "point" was based on your misunderstanding my my sentence's syntax. I clarified it by asking a question about your understanding of the use of commas, since you clearly misunderstood my use of them to seperate different items on a list. I said my views on three different things are shared by radical feminists, not that those three things are all directly related.

Fucking hell. Learn how to read and write! I know you're just a labourer in bumfuck nowhere, but surely you completed secondary school, right‽

Capt._Trips wrote:If you want to start talking shit then i guess let's do it.

You're the one who's just started talking shit, shithead. But fine, so be it. I will not hold my tongue regarding you and your abject stupidity (or other traits) any longer.

Capt._Trips wrote:On a sidenote i think your a bum that is freeloading off of Rene and his family.

What does René's family have to do with my freeloading? If anything, his family and I are both freeloading off of him, considering that he does most of the back-end work that keeps his mother's business afloat and his family living a very higher-end middle class lifestyle — a lifestyle René and I don't share.

Also, René and I are married. I suppose you wouldn't understand, being a closeted coward whose online relationship seems to amount to posting boring repetitive updates to us about how happy a nobody (in the context of this forum) makes you, but there's a reason why (successful) marriages are referred to as partnerships. Not only do I maintain our household, acquire and cook the food he eats, and support him, I do actually contribute to our business, providing invaluable input on his translations — he often needs me to give my opinion about phrasing before he can continue with an assignment, and I often find what he considers to be beautiful turns of phrase that improve his translations dramatically.

Capt._Trips wrote:I dont want to be the asshole.
Last edited by Capt._Trips on 28 February 2020, 02:43, edited 2 times in total.

Oops, too late.
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Re: My boyfriend is uncomfortable with drag - what do I do ?

Unread postby Brenden » 28 February 2020, 03:02

poolerboy0077 wrote:
Brenden wrote:
poolerboy0077 wrote:
Brenden wrote:Gay ≠ feminine

It might not equal it but there does seem to be a very strong association between male homosexuality and feminine demeanor and speech.

There are many homosexuals who are not feminine (not that you'd see much of them what with your proclivities). There's a selection bias at work because the feminine ones stick out like sore thumbs.

I was referring to the research that’s out there, not to personal impressions. The fact that there’s many masculine gay males doesn’t negate the presence of an association there. There’s a reason why many gay more turn out feminine more than their straight counterparts. It’d be silly to brush this aside as a mere affectation.

Yes, I'm also referring in part to the research. Hence why I said "selection bias".
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Re: My boyfriend is uncomfortable with drag - what do I do ?

Unread postby Brenden » 28 February 2020, 03:05

Derek wrote:
Brenden wrote:Also, drag is just ridiculous. I'm not taking it seriously, I just think the feminists have a pretty valid gripe with it.

I don't care for it either, but my distaste doesn't animate me nearly enough to write a post like the one you deleted to a kid looking for advice.

You've convinced me to undelete it.

It's true. The analogy is spot-on, and people who use special made-up terms like "cis" to refer to 99.5% of the population, and believe there are more than two genders and people switch between them, are just as delusional as people who think they're the opposite sex/gender.
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Re: My boyfriend is uncomfortable with drag - what do I do ?

Unread postby Brenden » 28 February 2020, 03:10

In fact, just to make sure it's seen by the OP and everyone else, I'm quoting it here.

Brenden wrote:'I'm not asking for him to go to the circus with me, I just want him to be able to see a clown and not get uncomfortable.'

My advice to him would be to get out of the relationship and find someone normal who doesn't use terms like "cis" and "gender diverse".

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Re: My boyfriend is uncomfortable with drag - what do I do ?

Unread postby Derek » 28 February 2020, 03:11

And obviously your actions are rooted in concern for objective reality and not naked, hateful prejudice.

If you don't have enough compassion to at least hold your tongue for a kid earnestly asking for perspective in what they probably mistook for a safe space, it would be better if you weren't an administrator.
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Re: My boyfriend is uncomfortable with drag - what do I do ?

Unread postby Brenden » 28 February 2020, 03:16

"Safe space" — another buzzwordy bullshit concept meant to silence ideas and opinions a segment of the population finds disagreeable.

I have no reason to be prejudiced against trans people. Unlike René, I wasn't dumped by one. I've never had a negative encounter with one. I even find FTMs to be rather attractive. I simply believe, based on the evidence I've seen, that it's a mental disorder, and I believe that society has gone off the deep end with respect to acceptance and outright encouragement of this particular mental illness.
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Re: My boyfriend is uncomfortable with drag - what do I do ?

Unread postby Brenden » 28 February 2020, 03:18

The forum René and I administer is a safe space for free speech and free thought. Unlike Twitter, we don't ban people for wrongthink.
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Re: My boyfriend is uncomfortable with drag - what do I do ?

Unread postby Derek » 28 February 2020, 03:25

Well at least we've established it's not a 1st Amendment issue.
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Re: My boyfriend is uncomfortable with drag - what do I do ?

Unread postby René » 28 February 2020, 09:29

Brenden wrote:
Capt._Trips wrote:On a sidenote i think your a bum that is freeloading off of Rene and his family.

What does René's family have to do with my freeloading? If anything, his family and I are both freeloading off of him, considering that he does most of the back-end work that keeps his mother's business afloat and his family living a very higher-end middle class lifestyle — a lifestyle René and I don't share.

Also, René and I are married. I suppose you wouldn't understand, being a closeted coward whose online relationship seems to amount to posting boring repetitive updates to us about how happy a nobody (in the context of this forum) makes you, but there's a reason why (successful) marriages are referred to as partnerships. Not only do I maintain our household, acquire and cook the food he eats, and support him, I do actually contribute to our business, providing invaluable input on his translations — he often needs me to give my opinion about phrasing before he can continue with an assignment, and I often find what he considers to be beautiful turns of phrase that improve his translations dramatically.

As the only native English speaker employed (directly or indirectly) by my mom's company, we do very much depend on Brenden. It would be irresponsible and unwise to produce English translations without Brenden's involvement. When my mom's company pays us for an English translation, she's paying our company, which is, both legally and in practice, a partnership. Brenden does work for our company almost every day, often working nights and weekends.

The value of household tasks is also not to be underestimated. I don't know the first thing about operating a washing machine, and Brenden is one of the foremost experts when it comes to filling the dishwasher, and the meals he cooks often make me feel like I'm dining at a fine restaurant, and he's always going to ALDI to buy more milk for me, etc. :P
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Re: My boyfriend is uncomfortable with drag - what do I do ?

Unread postby Jryski » 28 February 2020, 09:55

Not gonna lie, trans folk make me feel very uncomfortable but I try to push that aside and be as nice as I can to them because not everyone is and everyone deserves some niceness in their lives. :3
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Re: My boyfriend is uncomfortable with drag - what do I do ?

Unread postby Capt._Trips » 28 February 2020, 14:37

I owe you an apology brenden. I took a cheap shot and for that i am sorry. :hug:
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Re: My boyfriend is uncomfortable with drag - what do I do ?

Unread postby poolerboy0077 » 28 February 2020, 19:05

Brenden wrote:"Safe space" — another buzzwordy bullshit concept meant to silence ideas and opinions a segment of the population finds disagreeable.

Except in the context of this thread it wasn’t about a mere idea being expressed so much as being really rude without provocation. I mean, I don’t like bears but you don’t see me going to the self-pics section and calling out all the fatties. I don’t really understand the fixation and fury with trans folks tbh.
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Re: My boyfriend is uncomfortable with drag - what do I do ?

Unread postby rogonandi » 28 February 2020, 19:15

poolerboy0077 wrote:
Brenden wrote:"Safe space" — another buzzwordy bullshit concept meant to silence ideas and opinions a segment of the population finds disagreeable.

Except in the context of this thread it wasn’t about a mere idea being expressed so much as being really rude without provocation. I mean, I don’t like bears but you don’t see me going to the self-pics section and calling out all the fatties. I don’t really understand the fixation and fury with trans folks tbh.

I’m surprised that doesn’t seem to happen around here.
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Re: My boyfriend is uncomfortable with drag - what do I do ?

Unread postby poolerboy0077 » 28 February 2020, 19:16

rogonandi wrote:
poolerboy0077 wrote:
Brenden wrote:"Safe space" — another buzzwordy bullshit concept meant to silence ideas and opinions a segment of the population finds disagreeable.

Except in the context of this thread it wasn’t about a mere idea being expressed so much as being really rude without provocation. I mean, I don’t like bears but you don’t see me going to the self-pics section and calling out all the fatties. I don’t really understand the fixation and fury with trans folks tbh.

I’m surprised that doesn’t seem to happen around here.

We do it behind people’s backs the way the Lord intended.
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Re: My boyfriend is uncomfortable with drag - what do I do ?

Unread postby René » 28 February 2020, 21:30

poolerboy0077 wrote:
Brenden wrote:"Safe space" — another buzzwordy bullshit concept meant to silence ideas and opinions a segment of the population finds disagreeable.

Except in the context of this thread it wasn’t about a mere idea being expressed so much as being really rude without provocation. I mean, I don’t like bears but you don’t see me going to the self-pics section and calling out all the fatties. I don’t really understand the fixation and fury with trans folks tbh.

I can't speak for Brenden, but what saddens me is that things like this happen:

Just read some of those heartbreaking stories!

My primary beef with the trans community is that, by and large, they silence, censor, banish and ostracise people who have experiences like this (as also reported in a fair few of them), suddenly denying them the emotional support they'd grown accustomed to receiving when they were conforming to the ideology, and a lot of people suffer even more as a result, and some end up taking their own lives. I find this cruelty and lack of compassion baffling and deeply immoral.

I'm not saying trans identities are by definition invalid or that transitioning is wrong for everyone who goes through it. But clearly it's not right for all of them, and clinicians feel they can't express this¸, properly explore it or properly assess gender-dysphoric kids because they'll be labeled transphobic. I think this is a terrible state of affairs and amounts to gross malpractice in many cases.

I also believe there is an element of (often internalised) homophobia at work, with transitioning very often serving as a kind of conversion therapy. This is manifest in the fact that kids who show gender dysphoria often grow up to turn out not trans but gay, that it's the Islamic Republic of Iran's state policy for making gay people go away, and that even in western, non-Islamic countries, you see way more people who are attracted to members of their biological birth sex transitioning, with the result that they can consider themselves straight (such as this member who posted here), rather than the other way around.
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Re: My boyfriend is uncomfortable with drag - what do I do ?

Unread postby Derek » 28 February 2020, 22:29

Do you think any of that is a good reason to insult a confused 17-year-old?
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Re: My boyfriend is uncomfortable with drag - what do I do ?

Unread postby Jryski » 28 February 2020, 22:58

I think a lot of transgender issues got muddied with different political agendas. I’m no scientist so I stick with what I know which isn’t a lot but all I do know is that they’re human and deserve dignity and respect. It’s kind of like being gay in a way. Everyone has “research” and “testimonials” to prove their points but at the end of the day, only I know how I feel. Everyone has something to say about how I wish to live my life but at the end of the day, I only want friends and to feel comfortable being me without being attacked by people who believe something. Everyone has their own life filled with discoveries, lessons, regret, and love and I’m very grateful for all of those folks that were there for me and helped me discover myself.
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Re: My boyfriend is uncomfortable with drag - what do I do ?

Unread postby Brenden » 29 February 2020, 02:06

Derek wrote:Do you think any of that is a good reason to insult a confused 17-year-old?

So you admit that using terms such as “gender diverse” makes someone confused?

Otherwise, how is this person confused? Confused by her boyfriend not liking drag? So…? You’re acting like this person — who’s less than a year away from being an adult, yet you keep referring to as a “child” in an appeal to emotion — is themselves trans-whatever and asked something about being trans.

Being uncomfortable with drag is perfectly analogous to being uncomfortable with clowns. They’re both weird costume shows.

Using terms like “gender diverse” is ridiculous. It is postmodern identity crap that goes against biological reality. There are two genders, they arose naturally from the sexual dimorphism of our species. Full stop. Anything more is just invented nonsense that mentally disturbed people are coming up with to feed their delusions and expecting — demanding — society affirm.

Do we confirm the hallucinations of schizophrenics? “Yes, that voice telling you to hurt yourself is real, go ahead, here’s a razor.”
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Re: My boyfriend is uncomfortable with drag - what do I do ?

Unread postby Jryski » 29 February 2020, 02:21

Okay, Brenden does have a point. The origins of drag is very similar to a clown show. That much is true. It’s very much based in comedy.
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