My Boyfriends Past

It has been years since I have been here, but I need advice so I created a new account and here I am. I’ll try to keep it as short as possible.

I have been dating this guy for almost a year now, we have been exclusive the entire time, we live together now, all that stuff. But recently details of our past have gotten brought up, and I understand we all have a past, but his past and my past could not be any further apart.

When we talked about it previously his past consisted of a lot of partying with friends, going out to clubs, leading guys on, and then going home alone. Now it consists of drugs/alcohol/sex/PnP. I didn’t even know what PnP was until he brought it up, and now it’s consuming all my thoughts.

My past is random hookups few and far between that were never positive, so I already felt really insecure in the bedroom and this only makes it worse. What really eats at me is the fact that I never have a problem finishing in the bedroom with my boyfriend, but he always has trouble finishing. So now all I can think about is him hooking up with all these guys before me but yet he can’t finish with me.

I’ve told him that I feel insecure/inadequate but him telling me not to feel that way doesn’t really help me.

I don’t think I feel jealous of his past, I’m honestly curious to the exact details, but when he only tells parts of the story my imagination runs wild and it’s clear that something is bugging me in my attitude and demeanor.

I really don’t know what to do, it’s my first serious relationship so maybe I am jealous of his past. I don’t know how to move forward.

If you read this far thanks, as I look back I see I didn’t ask any questions, so maybe I’m just venting.

All I can add to what Rene's said is, they are them and you are you. Comparing yourself, in any way, to those who (literally) came before you is a no-win proposition. It's natural to be curious about a person's past though learning about it too quickly can harm a relationship. It's something that one can better understand once one has really gotten to know one's partner. It impacts and is impacted by the level of trust in the relationship.

Jealousy on the other hand is a different beast. Some people are more or less innately jealous - I tend to have very little jealousy in a general sense - and again, 'being jealous' about someone's past isn't going to be helpful long-term. I'd suggest you figure out a way to deal with it if you really do believe jealousy is starting to creep into your relationship.

You're not really in a relationship with your boyfriend's past or even more difficult to imagine, the man you bf was back then. Focus on the here and now and building a healthy, loving, supportive future!

I just want to add that drug use can also seriously impact performance, even years later. It may be his past that's causing the issue, but maybe not the way you think.

Thanks guys. I really appreciate the responses. It’s amazing how helpful it is to get other perspectives and not just freak out in my head the entire time.

What ThatNomad said. His difficulty in cumming could also stem from his experiences with drugs during sex. It has been said by others passing through here and people I've spoken to irl, that one can become accustomed to the hyperstimulation and hypersensitivity of sex when under the influence of drugs, to such a degree that sex without drugs is never quite the same and it can take alot more effort to get half as much stimulation (which I think should serve as a warning for those that consider PnP in the short term, I'm not anti drugs by any means but people should know what they are getting into)

Talking to him about what is and isn't working in your sex lives together and trying to be open and honest aswell as understanding, could be a good move forward.