Needing advice.....BIG time!!! I feel like I am losing my mind!

Ask questions and discuss your relationships with partners or parents, family or friends.

Needing advice.....BIG time!!! I feel like I am losing my mind!

Unread postby Shortstop8 » 25 April 2020, 22:13

Hello! So for the record, I have never posted in a forum before (so please bare with me)but I really am going through some things that are starting to get a bit too heavy for me to carry alone. Okay, hopefully I can make this somewhat understandable.

I have been with my girlfriend for about a year and a half. I truly think the world of her. When I think about what my dream girl would be...its her. I can fully say I find everything about her breathtaking. I have never felt this way about anyone before. We met on a dating site which is definitely out of the norm for me. She was still married, but separated and starting the divorce process with her wife. Their lease was up and I thought why not, so I threw out the idea that she could move in with me (which is 3 hours from where she was) and she came (with FIVE effing animals I have to add!!!!). I am 30 and bought my home a year before I met her. Things seemed okay, expect having to deal with the wife part which really got to me because I have never had that and kind of would love someone to want to make me their wife. Whenever I would ask questions about what was happening, she would get really short and snappy at me which started making me a bit insecure about the whole thing. So I knew that she would need to find work when she moved in and was okay with helping her out while she got on her feet out here and never made her feel guilty or anything about it. I never asked for any money. I even gave her a vehicle that she still drives. Now the real twist, about a month before i met her, I had to take emergency custody of my 2 nieces(2,8) and nephew (4)....which has been completely new to me as I do not have kids of my own. She knew about them before deciding to move in. They love her and she is great with them. So a year goes by and she had two jobs that didn't last long because she didn't like them....So I have still not received help from her financially, but she did help so much with the kids (I work) and so I figured I would just try to be okay with accepting that. Well things have been stressful and very hectic for us, and i wish we were able to have normal relationship...but thats the way it goes. Well about 3 months ago I hear that she is taking a job (a pretty good one) back 3 hours away in the town she lived in. I later find out that it is in the same building as her wife.. She said it was just going to be for year and she would come home on the weekends (which she does). She was staying for free at her friends house and I took care of all the animals. Then she gets her own place out there. WHAT....for 1300/month. So I was told that she would be able to contribute financially, but that sure doesn't sound very likely. I have a hard time with all this. I feel like she barely talks to me during the week, and I try to not bother her or be a burden....but i feel so stupid. I feel like she could care less if we stayed together or not...and I am crying my eyes out just thinking about her being gone. I feel like so much is happening in my life and i have little control over it. I know I am partly jealous because she gets to focus on this career and I am so miserable with my work. I was working towards getting into the fire department, I was volunteering for three years and getting so close to testing since they were finally hiring. I had to stop the fire side and go to ems only since i am not able to go on calls with the kids. I don't know what to do. I feel like a fool for missing her so much. I don't want to be a single mom/auntie....This is all so damn hard to do alone and I don't want to fail. I am starting to feel super stupid for doing so much for someone who can just leave so easily....I am trying not to believe she is just using me....but its getting hard. I feel like i am losing myself in all of this. I am sure i left out SO much....but this is making me super upset putting into words. Please give me your thoughts and let me know what else I need to add. THANK YOU
Shortstop8
 
Posts: 3
Joined: 22 April 2020, 08:02
Country: United States (us)

Re: Needing advice.....BIG time!!! I feel like I am losing my mind!

Unread postby erti » 25 April 2020, 22:22

These are feelings you should share with your girlfriend. It’s just going to bottle up and hurt you both in the end. With any relationship there’s gotta be communication. Honest communication. If it’s causing you this much distress you may need to either end it or talk to her.
User avatar
erti
 
Posts: 1025
+1s received: 660
Joined: 30 November 2018, 09:58
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Country: United States (us)

Re: Needing advice.....BIG time!!! I feel like I am losing my mind!

Unread postby Shortstop8 » 25 April 2020, 22:34

Thank you... I have tried talking to her about it... And she gets super defensive and so I just stop... And try to get over it. But it's too much. I am trying to fix something that I don't know she really wants fixed. Very sad.
Shortstop8
 
Posts: 3
Joined: 22 April 2020, 08:02
Country: United States (us)

Re: Needing advice.....BIG time!!! I feel like I am losing my mind!

Unread postby erti » 25 April 2020, 22:42

Shortstop8 wrote:Thank you... I have tried talking to her about it... And she gets super defensive and so I just stop... And try to get over it. But it's too much. I am trying to fix something that I don't know she really wants fixed. Very sad.


If she’s using you and not listening to your feelings and concerns that it may be time to split. Why keep a relationship that’s going nowhere and miss out on another that could be better.
User avatar
erti
 
Posts: 1025
+1s received: 660
Joined: 30 November 2018, 09:58
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Country: United States (us)

Re: Needing advice.....BIG time!!! I feel like I am losing my mind!

Unread postby Magic J » 27 April 2020, 02:02

Shortstop8 wrote:Thank you... I have tried talking to her about it... And she gets super defensive and so I just stop... And try to get over it. But it's too much. I am trying to fix something that I don't know she really wants fixed. Very sad.

Well, it's not exactly a good situation if you feel unable to talk to her about how you feel. You shouldn't really have to get over it when its bothering you this much. Obviously I don't know the ins and outs, but it sounds like you might need to push the matter, even if she doesn't want to talk about it. I'd insist to her that you have a calm-as-possible discussion about all of this.

From a guy who was the type to hate talking about how I feel, and who had to learn. :P
Maintain Revolutionary Discipline: Keep Off The Grass
User avatar
Magic J
 
Posts: 990
+1s received: 693
Joined: 20 December 2012, 23:06
Location: Scotland
Country: United Kingdom (gb)

Re: Needing advice.....BIG time!!! I feel like I am losing my mind!

Unread postby Jryski » 27 April 2020, 17:23

So she doesn’t care about how you feel, was financially dependent on you for a long time, she’s not helping out financially now that she has a good job, and isn’t mature enough to have adult conversations with you? She sounds like she’s just using you. No offense. I also feel like she’s cheating on you. Based off of what you said, it doesn’t seem like she cares enough about you not to. Just my opinion.
User avatar
Jryski
 
Posts: 646
+1s received: 422
Joined: 6 May 2019, 10:00


Recently active
Users browsing this forum: CommonCrawl [Bot], DotNetDotCom.org [Bot], Panka, rosie2002, Seznam [Bot] and 71 guests