New boyfriend...red flag. Background check?

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New boyfriend...red flag. Background check?

Unread postby Zurdoknoc » 7 June 2020, 21:37

Hi all:
My new boyfriend and I have been together for 3 months. We get along well. He seems to be a good hearted guy. Last night we were chatting and he made a couple of comments that sort of make get a red flag. The comments were about “if things keep going good between us in the long run Mather we could move together and safe money and If doesn’t work at least we saved money even for a year ”. I own my condo. He rents. I have a good job as an architect. He has the same job for 14 years now. He said he has never lived with someone and like to try. He is 45. I am 44. He knows I’m working my ass off with 2 jobs to get credit card debt free. He said he has a lot of credit card but he is ok paying the minimum. The red flag is about him using me to get the financial benefits of my stability. He mentioned a sugar daddy as a joke but it wasn’t clear for me. He said he had one many years ago when he was younger but he ended up the rel because he felt bad. Should I run a background check?
Our sex life is ok. Covid19 put us in quarantine and we still haven’t had full sex If you know what I mean. Just make out and oral and for the last 2 weeks since we started hanging out in Perosn again it’s just chat and hang out. Not sex. Let me know your thoughts.
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Re: New boyfriend...red flag. Background check?

Unread postby René » 7 June 2020, 22:28

What are you thinking a background check might find?

Having run background checks on potential boyfriends before, my advice would be to run one only if you're certain you're ready for whatever it might turn up, which might include things that would be a big violation of his privacy if you knew them and which might not reflect his character today and should not influence your opinion of him. E.g., past substance-abuse issues from which he may have fully recovered, and which may have led to various crimes that he wouldn't dream of committing now.

A background check doesn't let you see how much debt someone is in. I'm not sure it would be really relevant to your situation. It sounds like your boyfriend doesn't have a great understanding of personal finance. Making only the minimum payments is incredibly stupid except in short-term circumstances. As is "saving" money while you've got any non-interest-free credit-card debt. He probably has no idea how much money he's wasting on interest.

He may indeed be trying to benefit from your financial stability. But based on what you've said he mostly just sounds ignorant.
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Re: New boyfriend...red flag. Background check?

Unread postby Frigid » 8 June 2020, 18:12

Sounds like your intuition about him using your financial stability to secure himself is on point. 3 month relationship and most of that is throughout COVID and he wants to move in? Nah.
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Re: New boyfriend...red flag. Background check?

Unread postby Zurdoknoc » 8 June 2020, 18:35

thanks for the reply. It was only a red flag that popped up. He didn't say to move in together right away. He said in the long run if things are going as good as now. I am not a newbie and I would not move with anyone until I know I will be fine and we will be fine. Thanks again for your reply!
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Re: New boyfriend...red flag. Background check?

Unread postby Eryx » 9 June 2020, 19:05

It's very early in the relationship, I'd say just take it easy and see how things go. You don't have to move in before you're ready, so you can decide how much time is needed before you can commit to something like that.
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