New guy- dating? Go with the flow?

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New guy- dating? Go with the flow?

Unread postby Zurdoknoc » 13 February 2019, 02:50

Hi all:
I met this guy online for a hook up. We had sex. After that we started seeing eachother for lunch or to hang out etc but no sex at all. I don’t know why. And I have not asked. There have not been a moment to initiate it. We talk on the phone all the time. We have been out a few times. We kiss lightly. But that’s it. He keeps saying he wants to go with the flow. He is out of a relationship of 5 years. It’s been 6 months since single. He goes out with friends etc. We we are getting to know eachother. He has spent one night in my house but no sex. I don’t want to push. My concern is that I don’t know if he is attracted to me. Why would you meet someone for lunch on a weekly basis? Why text all day long? Why to speak on the phone daily? Why to go out to museums, his place etc? I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to ask about the sex part. He just says he likes to go with the flow and don’t put labels. He said that seems like I am looking for a boyfriend but I al not. He says we are hanging out. we have shared personal moments. I feel he is attracted to me. He has said he enjoys my company. Again I don’t want to push..I want things to develop naturally. Please advice. Sometimes I tend get desperate when things do not move as fast as I want but sometimes going with the flow is the best.
Zurdoknoc
 
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Re: New guy- dating? Go with the flow?

Unread postby ajakes124 » 13 February 2019, 03:54

I reckon it's a good idea to talk about it. especially if you are ok with "going with the flow". like what's the end game of this? (you know?) like going with the flow to me means dating until ready to commit. it does seem like he wants more than just sex, i do think he is attracted to you based on what you've said. i reckon it's good to remain honest, if you feel it's moving too fast or realise what you want. from experience when things move too fast, they end just as quickly, so if you comfortable to talk through any concerns you guys would have in the future, then that's the best way to continue "going with the flow"

i read an article recently about how our generation are getting into relationships faster than before due to dating apps. not necessarily spending less time with someone before commiting, rather spending more time together in a smaller period of time than before. so i guess moving fast is becoming more acceptable. how long have you guys been seeing each other if you dont mind me asking?
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Re: New guy- dating? Go with the flow?

Unread postby Zurdoknoc » 13 February 2019, 04:14

Thanks for the reply. We have been seeing eachother since November 2018
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Re: New guy- dating? Go with the flow?

Unread postby ajakes124 » 13 February 2019, 04:30

if you've regularly been dating since november, i reckon it's a good idea to have the "what are we?" conversation sometime soon. like he should know what he wants with you by now
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Re: New guy- dating? Go with the flow?

Unread postby Zurdoknoc » 13 February 2019, 06:12

I don’t think we are dating. We have not have sex since then. We are casually seeing eachother once a week for lunch and an average of hanging out doing something like every 3 weeks. One night at my place we slept together. Other than light hugs and little kisses that was it. We had dinner together. We have had hi gout at his place too chatting or watching tv. Casual dinner and that’s it. Maybe cuddling on the sofa but I don’t think we are dating. He doesn’t want to put labels and I respect that. Maybe he is just afraid of jumping to fast emotionally with someone and again I respect that. However I feel like if we meet this weekend I want to bring the subject of how we feel about eachother and have a better sense. I am afraid to ask and mess up the “go with the flow, no labels”
Slow process we have been into. Thoughts?
Zurdoknoc
 
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Re: New guy- dating? Go with the flow?

Unread postby ajakes124 » 13 February 2019, 06:47

Ah ok yeah I get it now. I still think you should feel comfortable enough to ask for sex if that’s something you wanted. At least ask what is happening between you two. Like are you just two friends hanging out or what? Cause still, honestly it’s moving at snail pace
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Re: New guy- dating? Go with the flow?

Unread postby Zurdoknoc » 13 February 2019, 06:54

I don’t know what we are. I need to find out about the sex. He has said “ sex is not everything” so I am not pushing on that either. He is just out of a relationship so I would not be surprised he wants to move slowly. Apparently he is not having sex with others but I won’t ask because I am having sex with others. I think my best bet is just to have a face to face conversation with him and make everything clear. I don’t think it’s a problem to talk about where we stand regardless of the outcome. Ask if we are dating first ? Or how do I start that conversation? Is it normal after 4 months to ask?
Zurdoknoc
 
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Re: New guy- dating? Go with the flow?

Unread postby ajakes124 » 13 February 2019, 07:39

Just tell him you enjoy hanging with him, and you still wanna continue going with the flow, but you wanna know where you stand. You want to know if you guys are just friends or would he be open to a more intimate friendship where you have fun together every now and again.
I don’t think it’s bad to ask, you do deserve to have this conversation after 4 months. Let me know how it goes! :)
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Re: New guy- dating? Go with the flow?

Unread postby Zurdoknoc » 13 February 2019, 15:13

What you said makes a lot of sense. We had a casual conversation like that over the phone and we sort of agree to keep going with the flow and to do not put labels. One thing that threw me off is that he said he thinks I want a boyfriend and he is not ready yet or something like that. I made clear I am not looking for a boyfriend and I am that I don’t know if I can keep one but I enjoy his company and what we do. That happened over the phone and both of us were buzzed. I believe I am going just to casually talk to him in person. I don’t have expectations, I like the guy. I enjoy his company and I’ve ejoyed getting to know him. Now we can have long conversations over the phone, like yesterday. We met for lunch and then we texted before and after and then we talked for one hour over the phone while I was commuting. Is that normal for just a friendship? Also he is the type of man that does not initiate contact. I do all the time. He has become better way better at returning calls or calling by himself out of the blue.
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Country: United States (us)


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