Parents bottom shaming me

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Parents bottom shaming me

Unread postby richardjohnstone0683 » 29 January 2020, 23:10

I came out to my parents about 3 months ago, told them I have a boyfriend and while they were a bit shocked, they respected my feelings, especially because I am a bit older and have my life together, so they don't really have lots of say over my life. They met my boyfriend and liked him...

Last weekend we visited my parents and had sex in my old bedroom. I'm a total bottom and I guess my parents heard us.

Suddenly they didn't like the fact their son is getting sodomized and made a big deal that I'm a pussy and should top if I'm going to be gay.

Does anyone else deal with stuff like this with family?
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Re: Parents bottom shaming me

Unread postby Eryx » 29 January 2020, 23:30

Probably... but there isn't much you can do aside from telling them to deal with it. You won't change your sex life because of them, and since you've got your life together, there's nothing they can do. Let them know that you won't be able to have a relationship with them if they don't respect you, and that you've never felt the need to comment on their favorite sex positions because that's fucking private.

Parents who picture their children having sex should stop and think about how fucking weird that is. That will give them pause.

As a side-note, the fact that you had sex loudly enough for them to figure out you were being the bottom is all kinds of disrespectful. But that's unrelated to their behavior afterward. Personally, I'd refrain from having noisy sex while my parents are at an audible distance, or at the very least, keep it reasonably quiet.
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Re: Parents bottom shaming me

Unread postby Capt._Trips » 30 January 2020, 00:57

I'm sure Its kinda common. I mean most parent's in their minds expect their sons to grow up to be "strong" men. And their daughters to grow up to be a "beautiful" woman. And while we know sexual preferences doesn't play into that some straight people wont. Especially parents who are still just coming to terms with their son being gay.

But tbh you invited criticism by having sex in their house. I mean imagine if you had your son and their girlfreind or boyfriend over and heard them banging in the next room. Its kinda disrespectful. Most people wouldn't want to hear their parent's having sex either.
Most parents don't want to hear their kids having sex. They may be cool with your sexuality. But i doubt they want to hear about your sex life if that makes sense. Some parents are open to knowing that info but I'd think most aren't

Im sure they'll get over it in time. Just don't fuck each other in their house. Your not a 16 year old. Your their adult son and a guest in their house.
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Re: Parents bottom shaming me

Unread postby Derek » 30 January 2020, 01:13

They were able to tell you were bottoming? How?

I think you should aim for plausible deniability. Try to subtly imply that you're the top in the relationship. For example, next time you're all having dinner together, say something like "I can't wait to get home so I can place you on all fours and plow your tight little fuckhole," and hope your parents catch the hint.
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Re: Parents bottom shaming me

Unread postby Jzone » 30 January 2020, 01:25

I never really considered this issue, and think it's kind of funny (no offense). Here your parents were thinking they were so progressive, accepting your orientation — until they unexpectedly discovered you are a bottom. Then you get to see how hypocritical they can be.

You did bring this on yourself with your moans at your parents' house. Honestly, nobody wants to hear 40 year-olds have sex. (Again, no offense. I'm 55.) Also, nobody wants to hear their own child (of any age) have sex. Imagine if the tables were turned and you and your boyfriend were listening to your mom go at your dad with a strap-on. That might change your image of them.

Give them time and keep your fun out of earshot. They'll get over it.
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Re: Parents bottom shaming me

Unread postby kenzie_matt » 30 January 2020, 06:00

I agree with the others. If you're going to go at it loudly, don't do it at your parents' house. If you can't help but be noisy when having sex, don't have sex at your parents' house.

It's after the fact so we can't suggest we feel you could have/should have said at the time they "confronted" you, but if it comes up again (no pun intended), politely tell them that you do not wish to discuss your sex life and you would appreciate them respecting your boundaries.
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Re: Parents bottom shaming me

Unread postby mxguy01 » 30 January 2020, 06:02

I can't help but think you're a slut having sex in your parents house. Are we left to assume.you're verbal to the point of
them figuring out you're a bottom?

Sorry but I think this is post bait. Otherwise simply amusing as previously mentioned.
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Re: Parents bottom shaming me

Unread postby xeil » 30 January 2020, 11:12

Well, you wouldn't tell what to do in bed to your parents so the same for them. They have to deal with it and get past all that senseless but dangerous patriarchy and masculism stuff. You could try to inform them about the stupidity of certain gender role stereotypes. Unfortunately often we get very defensive (me included), instead a little bit of patience and 'activism' wouldn't be bad in these situations.

Eryx wrote:As a side-note, the fact that you had sex loudly enough for them to figure out you were being the bottom is all kinds of disrespectful.

Why is that disrespectful?
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Re: Parents bottom shaming me

Unread postby René » 30 January 2020, 11:32

xeil wrote:
Eryx wrote:As a side-note, the fact that you had sex loudly enough for them to figure out you were being the bottom is all kinds of disrespectful.

Why is that disrespectful?

I thought the other posts in this thread clarified that quite well.
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Re: Parents bottom shaming me

Unread postby Marmaduke » 30 January 2020, 11:51

I’m not sure I could ever have sex with my parents in the next room, I’d feel so anxious.
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Re: Parents bottom shaming me

Unread postby Eryx » 30 January 2020, 12:36

xeil wrote:Why is that disrespectful?
Well, my values dictate that having sex while other people can hear — be it my parents, friends or hostel roommates — is disrespectful because they're just living their lives and doing their thing while I'm forcing them to hear something intimate I'm doing. It's comparable, in my opinion, to when you're just talking to someone and they start telling you about their latest sexcapade out of the blue, uninvited. It's not something I just push onto others, and I consider it to be private.

I understand other people disagree (it's quite obvious, from what tends to happen sometimes), but that's the way I see it.
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Re: Parents bottom shaming me

Unread postby richardjohnstone0683 » 30 January 2020, 17:55

For those criticizing me for having sex in their house, its kinda a 2 way street, growing up my siblings and I had woke up to hearing them having LOUD sex on weekend mornings, AND when they visit me they aren't shy about having sex.. my boyfriend and I had sex in my bedroom in the basement which is quite removed from the rest of the house, and in fact you'd almost have to snoop to hear us..
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Re: Parents bottom shaming me

Unread postby René » 30 January 2020, 17:58

richardjohnstone0683 wrote:its kinda a 2 way street, growing up my siblings and I had woke up to hearing them having LOUD sex on weekend mornings, AND when they visit me they aren't shy about having sex..

:runaway:
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Re: Parents bottom shaming me

Unread postby Brenden » 30 January 2020, 18:18

richardjohnstone0683 wrote:my boyfriend and I had sex in my bedroom in the basement which is quite removed from the rest of the house, and in fact you'd almost have to snoop to hear us..

Yet they still heard you, and well enough to determine that you were the bottom?

What were you doing, shouting out "yes, stick it in me"? "I like the feeling of your dick inside me"?
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Re: Parents bottom shaming me

Unread postby Brenden » 30 January 2020, 18:39

I'm a little bottom;
Hear me shout,
When you stick it in me
I belt it right out:
"Oh, I love dick
in my bum!
Fill me right up
With your cum!"

Whoever might overhear,
Be it my parents or any old Joe,
I don't have any fear
Letting the world know.
I squeal with a high pitch:
I'm a bottom bitch!
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Re: Parents bottom shaming me

Unread postby Eryx » 30 January 2020, 20:05

richardjohnstone0683 wrote:For those criticizing me
No criticism here, just our two cents. You know your relationship with your parents better than anyone. It's just a situation I'd personally avoid. And the fact that they have fewer boundaries than most people doesn't mean you need to act the same way. And, if you think they'd have to be snooping in to hear you, then they probably did, and you should take that up to them. It's their own fault they found out what you prefer, and they don't get to choose how you want to have sex. Confront them or just let it slide, those are basically the two realistic options in your case.
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Re: Parents bottom shaming me

Unread postby mxguy01 » 30 January 2020, 20:45

Being bottom shamed by one's parents and then slut shamed by GFO. That's a bad day.
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Re: Parents bottom shaming me

Unread postby Marmaduke » 30 January 2020, 21:10

Brenden wrote:I'm a little bottom;
Hear me shout,
When you stick it in me
I belt it right out:
"Oh, I love dick
in my bum!
Fill me right up
With your cum!"

Whoever might overhear,
Be it my parents or any old Joe,
I don't have any fear
Letting the world know.
I squeal with a high pitch:
I'm a bottom bitch!

My perception of you as a sexual being will be coloured by the first verse of this poem forevermore :lol:
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Re: Parents bottom shaming me

Unread postby Brenden » 30 January 2020, 21:11

Marmaduke wrote:
Brenden wrote:I'm a little bottom;
Hear me shout,
When you stick it in me
I belt it right out:
"Oh, I love dick
in my bum!
Fill me right up
With your cum!"

Whoever might overhear,
Be it my parents or any old Joe,
I don't have any fear
Letting the world know.
I squeal with a high pitch:
I'm a bottom bitch!

My perception of you as a sexual being will be coloured by the first verse of this poem forevermore :lol:

Noooooo :lol:
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Re: Parents bottom shaming me

Unread postby John27 » 30 January 2020, 21:37

I'm not any sort of expert, and I certainly don't know the people involved. But in my own mind, I wonder if part of the problem in a situation like this isn't that overhearing (whether by accident, or snooping) their son having sex with his boyfriend makes the reality that their son is, indeed, gay more real than it had been, and maybe too real for their comfort. It's no longer just "a nice guy my son is dating!" I particularly wonder that in a situation like this, when the coming out was only 3 months ago. I also wonder if bottom shaming couldn't be part of an attempt to bargain as they deal with the situation.

Of course, I may be totally wrong about all this when it comes to the current situation.
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