Questions on love (and dates)

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Questions on love (and dates)

Unread postby Eos » 19 May 2019, 19:13

Hi !
I've some questions, I have little to no experience in dates. I dated one person for a month (or two ?) but it didn't work out as we were simply too different.

I'm still looking for love to this day.

This weekend I met someone.
Even tough it was OK (we went to the cinema, and today I came to his house where we saw a series, and talk a little) I don't feel anything right now, and there is some things that I don't like. 2 things that are very silly (so yeah I feel kinda bad). He always have chewing gum in his mouth and he is quite noisy. He isn't from my country, so of course he doesn't speak well, but I already have bad ears so it doesn't help to understand each other. Both of those things can be worked on. And I agree it is quite stupid to note those 2 things.

However, he is quite shy, just like me, and we are having too much awkward moments where none of us talks and don't know what to do. And I feel like I can't live with another shy person. I need someone that knows how things works, that can make decisions, while understanding my own decisions.
I'm not good at deciding what to do (but when I do know what I want it's quite hard to change this ^^). Especially in a casual atmosphere when I don't know him.


Also, after digging some opinions, I know I shouldn't be looking for someone exactly as I imagine. And I don't think I am. I just think that 2 shy people can't really work well together.

Am I wrong ?



I would have some questions as well :
- How does the first dates feels ?
From my experience, I always feel nothing. I started to feel something when I became really open on my story which needed quite some time.

- It's not exactly a question, but sometimes, I fear I'm just being horny. And I'm afraid of letting myself go with the wrong person. I'm afraid of losing control with anyone, in fact. I wish so much for hugs. But I'm afraid of this as well. Do you have any advice or opinions about this ?

Thanks for reading.
Eos
 
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Re: Questions on love (and dates)

Unread postby Eryx » 19 May 2019, 23:18

I think that if really simple and small things are annoying you, then the more serious ones will be even worse. When first dates go well, those details go unnoticed, they don't get amplified.

It's normal to feel nothing, what's really special is when you feel a connection that makes you want for more. You want to call, you want to make it last longer, you want to do it again as soon as possible. That's why it's hard to find someone we really care for: they come around way less frequently than average Joes.

I don't think there's a problem in two shy people being together. In fact, it can work quite well. That's not what people mean when they encourage others to date someone different. They mean music, interests, hobbies, so that you can find new things about yourself out while being with the other person, and vice versa. When you're different from someone, they can show you new parts of life, and that's why they are so interesting and alluring. And in return, you do the same for them. Personalities being similar, on the other hand, can actually be quite helpful.

Lastly, I see nothing wrong with being horny. If you didn't feel anything for a certain guy but still think he's pretty hot, there's no problem in having fun, as long as you make it clear that it's just fun so you don't make the guy think something else might happen.
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Re: Questions on love (and dates)

Unread postby Eos » 20 May 2019, 17:28

Thank you for your response.

So you think it shouldn't work this time ? Because, with my first date I actually wanted to see him again, but with this other guy it's not what I want at all. But I feel I should give more chances no ?

Well maybe it's not that terrible to be with a shy person, but I don't know how manage those awkward moments when both of us don't know what to do.
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Re: Questions on love (and dates)

Unread postby xeil » 20 May 2019, 17:56

Sometimes something just clicks between two people, sometime it's just 'meh' or something in between, etc... but in the end it is kind of up to you to decide. I had a couple experiences when I gave another chance to meh dates and sometimes it worked great. But the way you are talking about it, it seems like you've already made up your mind and you don't see him that way. So why do you want to force it?
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Re: Questions on love (and dates)

Unread postby Eos » 20 May 2019, 18:51

I don't know, we seems to like similar things (while still being different on some parts). Maybe a little of despair (I know I shouldn't think that way) since I'm having a hard time "matching" with people, and it seems we are really few in my city (that are interested in long term relationship).
I'm afraid that if I stop seeing him I might end up alone for a long time. But I won't force the relationship, if I still feel nothing after some time I will know when to stop.
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Re: Questions on love (and dates)

Unread postby xeil » 20 May 2019, 19:21

Well if you force it, and you know that you don't want it, it ends up being a bad period of your life and might also break the other persons heart. My advice would be to think about what you want and what you feel. I see that you want a relationship but a relationship needs many parameter to build and to survive (any relationship, also friendship, etc...), so if you don't have some basic elements you are trying to build an apartment on mud and statistically speaking it won't stay. So don't get caught up with the paranoia of being alone, there are plenty of guys out there even if it doesn't look like it. In the end you want to be happy, you want a romantic relationship, but do you really feel like you could be happy with this person or you are just idealising a fantasy? Just think about it.
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Re: Questions on love (and dates)

Unread postby Eos » 20 May 2019, 19:36

Well if I knew I couldn't be happy with him it would be much simpler ^^
But I don't know (I wonder if I know anything about this kind of things ^^). I won't force anything. I'll keep hoping to find someone.
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