Relationship Advice

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Relationship Advice

Unread postby AlexRynholdt » 10 March 2020, 19:08

Hi all! New here and hoping for some advice on a personal situation.

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for almost three months now. We met at college just before winter break, and we went without seeing each other for about a month. Throughout that, we would text each other at least once a day — this crazy-long messages that were fun to read and reply to each part of. Now we’re back at school, we’ve been together since, and school has been a huge part of both of our lives. Throughout this, we make time on the weekends for each other but rarely see each other outside of that.

Recently, I’ve noticed that he’s not texting as much, and our routine of spending time together hasn’t varied. It seems as though we operate of a Friday night/some or all of Saturday/maybe Sunday together system. And our texting has diminished to maybe one or two small texts a day, if that (I do try to reach out every day, but I’ve gone for almost two days without hearing from him). Add all of this up and I’m wondering if we’re boyfriends in name only, and if this is really just a FWB situation.

As this is what I hope to be my first real relationship, I was hoping for a little feedback here, to check me and give me some perspective. What I know is that I do like my boyfriend quite a lot, whenever we’re together it’s a truly wonderful feeling, and he’s someone I do want to spend more time with and share things in my life with. I don’t know if he feels the same way, and I don’t have a good grasp of what his parameters are for what he considers a good relationship, and he’s shown more than once that he genuinely cares and is there for me. What I also know is that it’s hard for me to keep things the way they are when I’m hoping for more and we don’t go adventuring out to places like we talked about doing in January.

Ultimately I have a couple of questions — the first is do you consider this anything more than a FWB situation as it currently stands, or am I completely overreacting here? I know and understand the need for alone and/or down time, but this is something that I’d like to talk about with him. So second, and far more importantly, how do I best approach this conversation with him? What I want him to know is that I like him quite a lot, and I want to have more of a connection with him/to spend/share more time with him, but that I respect and understand his need for his own time.

I don’t at all want to hurt him or make him feel uncomfortable or devalued at all. But I also can’t keep this current situation up without disrespecting myself either, and I’m hoping for a conversation that goes well for both of us. Any tips would be greatly appreciated!

Thank you!
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Re: Relationship Advice

Unread postby Nebulous » 10 March 2020, 19:21

You’ve only been together for 3 months. It’s a bit early to establish patterns of behavior. Perhaps he’s just busy at the moment.
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Re: Relationship Advice

Unread postby Eryx » 11 March 2020, 06:48

No one can tell you if your story sounds like a FWB situation, you and your boyfriend are the only ones who can talk about it and decide on what the relationship is. That's a conversation you should probably have already had, and we can't really guess for you.

From personal experience, the longer you stay with someone, the more mundane texts and conversations get over the phone. Remember, before the 90s people wouldn't talk all day with their significant others, so things were more exciting once they were able to get together. I've been with my boyfriend for a similar period of time -- 4 months -- and even though we still text more than what you seem to be suggesting, it has definitely become less frequent and more about general stuff about our days, what times we're meeting and what we're doing on the weekend, who's buying the beer etc.

It's part of the maturity of the relationship for messages to get more straight to the point and fall into a routine. What matters is for the real moments to keep being fun, cherished and special. When it comes to the definition of the relationship and how either one feels about the other, those are both things that only you two can sort out and decide on.

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