Relationship with a couple...

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Relationship with a couple...

Unread postby Terroni » 14 August 2019, 23:09

Hey everyone,

I am trying to sort myself out from a situation i am in, which became a bit more delicate and it becomes a bit of an elephant in the room.

I met a couple(2 guys) about 9 months ago and from going out, diners, etc. we decided to “tie the knots” between the 3 of us and eventualy, we moved in together. We live in the same flat for 4 months now and naturally, our relationship and intomacy grew exponantially, however the flame and sexual passion decreased down to the level of passing even 2/3 weeks without having sex.
The thing is that i personally don’t feel any sexual chemistry between us(from my side- they are always On) and i see both of them in more of a platonic/very close friends way.

My only concern is that i am not sure how to bring this up in a diplomatic manner, without hurting their feelings.

If you’re asking me- yes, i start to look at other guys and i miss my single life sometimes, however i also appreciate the nice place we have together, our vacations, diners, etc.

Yes, there’s always a kick when we go out on a vacation and the passion reignites, however more and more i feel it’s not the case at home and just generally, not the case from my side...

I’ve been dating casually in the last good 5-6 years of my life and they are the first ones i got in a relationship with in all this time, i just don’t feel myself part of it anymore.

Your thoughts will be appreciate it on how to approach this matter delicately, they are 5 years younger than me (26, me 31), so i don’t want them to feel bad or think it’s their fault...
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Re: Relationship with a couple...

Unread postby xeta » 15 August 2019, 01:29

Hi Terroni,

If you’re asking me- yes, i start to look at other guys and i miss my single life sometimes, however i also appreciate the nice place we have together, our vacations, diners, etc.

Honesty is the key. Tell them exactly how you just describe your feeling in this post (also the positive things, that's important!). You must not get in the way of your own happiness. They got each other to take care of and i'm sure they will accept your choice, they need to! This was just an experience and finally not what made you feel happy.

Wish you good look, enjoy your day.
Acceptance doesn't mean resignation; it means understanding that something is what it is and that there's got to be a way through it.
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Re: Relationship with a couple...

Unread postby NvM » 15 August 2019, 22:45

Terroni wrote:... and ...i see both of them in more of a platonic/very close friends way...
maybe the original couple was short on the sexual thingy and just close friends. Everyone is so different.

long term relationships tends to gravitate to the platonic close friends after a time. It would be a shame to leave this situation to only experience the same thing in your next relationship.

I would talk it out and see if common grounds exist. Take your time, be loving but blunt. Serious; there are a lot worse things that can happen between lovers. No big but see if you can turn this around, maybe not. at least you leave w/o regrets. I dont see you would be wasting your time.
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Re: Relationship with a couple...

Unread postby JoiningHandsCoach » 15 August 2019, 23:01

Hey there! I am a relationship coach who helps polyamorous triads of gay men from time to time, and the situation you describe is fairly common, especially in the case of the third coming into an existing relationship. From the situation you describe, it sounds like all three of you might value sexual novelty fairly highly (the spark reignites when you are on vacation, there was more passion when the relationship was new, etc). Aside from leveling with your flatmates and telling them how you are feeling, you might also explore whether the issue here isn't just general sexual boredom. What other things might you guys try that could keep it fresh and keep you interested, if the sex with you is important to them? Sex in a motel? Naughty sneaky fun in a semi-public place? Going to a gay sauna together? Trying toys or BDSM? Roleplay? There are a lot of things you can do together to keep things exciting, besides just leaving the relationship to find that excitement elsewhere, only to have the process repeat itself. Hope that helps!
Michael Schreiber, PhD, CPC, ELI-MP, CLDS
Principal, Joining Hands Coaching
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