Repetitive texting

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Repetitive texting

Unread postby BrianOM28 » 13 December 2020, 20:03

Hi,

I've been seeing a guy for the last few months. We live in the same city but he's been back home a lot, so haven't really seen him that often. Not quite a LTR, but kinda lol.

I'm starting to get a bit weary of the same questions like 'how are you', 'how's work', 'what are you up to'. every day. I know he cares but it just feels repetitive and sort of going through the motions. I don't mind every now and then, but it's every day. I don't always reciprocate the question to see if maybe he'll realise lol. For me, it wouldn't matter if we didn't text at all before meeting in person, doesn't really make a difference once we're together.

Should I bring this up at all? I don't want him to take it the wrong way, or for him to be overthinking before he texts.

I do like being with him, but don't really miss him when not with him, I've been single all my life practically so I'm happy on my own. It does feel a bit stop-start, he says he misses me, but then I think why aren't you in town, so we can see each other? Only seen each other twice in the last two months.

I've lived in different places and have travelled a fair bit, while the furthest he's moved away is 1 hour drive, in the same state. Sometimes I think we might not be compatible in terms of open-mindedness, life mentality you know.

Any advice greatly appreciated, thanks
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Re: Repetitive texting

Unread postby erti » 13 December 2020, 20:23

When I ask someone I care about "how are you?" or "what you up to?" it means I care enough to know. I don't mind if they do that with me too. It's the small things that he cares. Communication basicly... talk to him... Tell him you know he cares but the "how are you"s aren't needed.
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Re: Repetitive texting

Unread postby Marmaduke » 13 December 2020, 20:47

Perhaps aim to meet in the middle and try and find a format, like Snapchat, where the exchange is more personal and conversational? That way, he can maintain the level of communication he wants and you can perhaps find the exchange more similar to being in person with it being a more emotionally expressive medium.
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Re: Repetitive texting

Unread postby Eryx » 14 December 2020, 22:43

I personally would find that annoying too. But I don't know how I would approach him to avoid getting his feelings hurt. Let us know what happens!
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Re: Repetitive texting

Unread postby betonhaus » 2 January 2021, 00:39

I find communicating through text to be a bit of a double-edged sword. Like, it is an easy way to stay in contact and keep some sort of communication going, but it is completely lacking in emotional depth, so unless you know the person very well you don't get as much out of texting as you think. Plus you can feel like you're trying to keep the ball going in a vacuum, where you can't come up with anything new or interesting to say because you don't know what they're up to or how they are feeling - and the texts can possibly become intrusive as they come in at times where you may not be able to give them your full attention. I feel it's a bit better to try to arrange video voice or in person socialization.

But I'm currently celibate for the moment so I'm not the best example.
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Re: Repetitive texting

Unread postby René » 2 January 2021, 20:35

In my experience in about 4 years' worth of long-distance relationships, we usually talk(ed) every day and generally manage(d) to find other things to talk about than the typical questions you mentioned. Interesting things that happened to us, stuff in the news, stuff we know is going on in the other's life, stuff we want to do together next time we see each other, etc.

betonhaus wrote:I find communicating through text to be a bit of a double-edged sword. Like, it is an easy way to stay in contact and keep some sort of communication going, but it is completely lacking in emotional depth

My relationship with Brenden (coming up on 12 years, now married for almost 11 years) started as a long-distance relationship in which we talked through MSN Messenger at the time. (We met online, on this forum's teen predecessor, and didn't see each other in person until about 4 months into the relationship.) We got close enough to realise we loved each other and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together in less than a month of communicating that way, and we were married a year later.

The people involved have to be capable of it, but a blanket statement that text-(/emoji-)based communication is completely lacking in emotional depth could not be more wrong.
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Re: Repetitive texting

Unread postby PanicP » 10 January 2021, 01:28

Brian, I’d be interested to know what conversation topics you would bring up to avoid the stale chit chat.
Long story short, I’ve been messaging someone since Oct, we hooked up 2/3 times a week in Oct and Nov then had to slow things down due to Covid restrictions and work commitments. I am in no way shape or form looking to be in a relationship with this person but we talk everyday. Recently the conversation has been ‘how are you’ & ‘how was work’.
I’m 31 and I’ve been single for 5 years. I’m enjoying having someone consistent to talk to as I usually get ghosted after 1 hour of talking to someone. The gays are savage!
I really want to continue talking to this guy but feel like I’m losing him. Any suggestions?
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Re: Repetitive texting

Unread postby Eryx » 10 January 2021, 19:28

Read some news you find interesting? Share it with him and ask him what he thinks. Found a funny meme? Share and laugh together. Spotify granted you with a great song (Lucky!)? Share your glory. Send photos of beautiful places you just went to. Ask him what he thinks about dogs. If you're out of content, look online for what to ask. There's a whole library of it. The world is infinite.
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Re: Repetitive texting

Unread postby PanicP » 12 January 2021, 09:47

Thanks Eryx, I think I’m just worried if I try too hard he will just reject me so I’m trying to play it safe.
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Re: Repetitive texting

Unread postby Eryx » 12 January 2021, 13:01

I understand, but sharing interests isn't "trying too hard," no matter how much it feels that way. If he gets bored or annoyed, then you are free to find someone else. But considering he's still going through the hassle of asking for you every day, it's more likely that he is interested.
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Re: Repetitive texting

Unread postby Jryski » 14 January 2021, 15:57

Personally, I’d break it off and just keep him as a friend that way I’m not worried when I’ll get to see him again. I’m happy being single as well, so being in a relationship actually stresses me out since there’s a lot of things that needs my commitment attention.
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Re: Repetitive texting

Unread postby PanicP » 15 January 2021, 13:38

Eryx wrote:I understand, but sharing interests isn't "trying too hard," no matter how much it feels that way. If he gets bored or annoyed, then you are free to find someone else. But considering he's still going through the hassle of asking for you every day, it's more likely that he is interested.


Thanks Eryx, that’s a nice look on the situation!
I do feel like I am leading and forcing the conversation so he may be replying out of politeness, but you are right. If he is taking the time to reply then there must be something. I’m sure if he didn’t want to talk to me he would just ghost me like the rest of them 😭
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Re: Repetitive texting

Unread postby TedyBo » 4 February 2021, 20:36

You can send simple pictures with text and meaning as an answer to such questions. There are different topics, maybe he will understand that need to do something else or stop writing the same thing all the time. To be honest, I also like to often use such SMS messages where there is text and pictures and send them for several days, but I understand that this is boring and I do something new. The app I use is good https://www.maxaboutsms.com/good_night_sms.aspx there are many different sms templates here. It is important to let the person know that you want more from them and talk to them sincerely. You can't be afraid.
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