Seeing a guy and no sex

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Seeing a guy and no sex

Unread postby Zurdoknoc » 28 January 2019, 18:46

hi all:
I met this guy online. Totally my
Type. We met the first time for sex and we hit it off well. We didn’t “finish” formsome
Other non important reasons but we enjoyed it. We started seeing each other on a constant basis: for lunch, to go out friendly. We text all day day. We call eachother many times during the week. We work in the same professional field so tons of stuff sin common. He is out of a 5 year relantioahip and taking it easy. It’s been 3 months and we have not had sex again. Finally we spend a romantic evening at my place last Saturday night. Wine cheese. Dinner. Watched Tv hugged on couch and finally we went to bed together. No sex. And I was not expecting it. I hugged him and caress him all night and morning. He said he likes to take sex and in general this things very slowly. He was nervous spending the night and I understand. Maybe it’s too soon after his breakup 6 months ago.
Not sure if this is normal. There is attraction and interest for sure. But I want sex with him and I don’t want to pressure him...I must say I am melting when I see him. I believe we are seeing or dating? I don’t know. We hugged for 2 hours watching tv and I touched him and caress him throughout the night. We chatted in bed hugged before he left. I just feel good this happened. I have to say he had a bad day at work that night and I made him feel comfortable, cared and relaxed.
Please let me know your comments.
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Re: Seeing a guy and no sex

Unread postby Reyes » 28 January 2019, 19:01

Hey :)

I was seeing one guy for a bit who suggested that we slow down anything sexual in our relationship because of the last guy he was with. They 'rushed' into everything and I think when they ended he just felt kind of used almost? If this guy usually takes things quite slowly he is more likely to view sex as quite intimate and maybe doesn't want to feel a similar way.

I feel like this could be a similar situation, also he probably really enjoyed the first night, but might just feel a bit taken a back by how quickly you guys got into it, and wants to make sure he isn't getting into anything too quickly, which is understandable considering he was just in a 5 year relationship.

You mentioned he had a bad night at work so maybe it was just that, so maybe see what happens the next night he stays over. If nothing happens then you probably won't know how he really feels unless you communicate. Maybe try and talk to him about sex in your relationship, he seems quite nervous so try and make it sound as casual as possible, and also that you aren't in a rush and won't leave him just because he doesn't want to have sex yet.
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Re: Seeing a guy and no sex

Unread postby Zurdoknoc » 28 January 2019, 19:46

He has said sex is not everything and I agreed with him. However I want to know how and where is the right time for him to have sex. Should I ask? How do I ask? I don’t want him to put the pressure sicne I am not looking just to have sex with him. I’m Interested in him as a person physically and it’s too soon to hade emotions I enjoy his company and chat a lot. We hugged. We kissed and was very romantic. This is new to me. Usually I have sex first and then I get toknow the guy. This time is the opositor...and he has said before that he wants to make sure he does or make the same mistake like in his past relationship whatever it is. Sometimes I think he might have a sexual problem like erecrion which I don’t care. The first time we had sex, we were good but for some reason he lost the erecrion and he just said “I don’t know what happened “ I didn’t care. I had a great time regardless and I told him. So maybe he is just nervous but I would like to know what’s going on with me. Should I ask? How should I ask without been pushy, which I don’t want to. I just would like to know. Some guys need to have a clear mind to have sex. Maybe he is one of those.
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Re: Seeing a guy and no sex

Unread postby Brasileiro » 28 January 2019, 19:56

Communication is key in any relationship. There is nothing wrong with having a conversation about sex in general. Just ask him what he sees as an ideal situation concerning sex. You can also just ask if he experiences any anxiety or other mental issues during sex or if there is a physical reason to not being able to keep an erection (might be age, health, being tired, meds).
Just like you express yourself here, you should express yourself with him.
Last edited by Brasileiro on 28 January 2019, 22:17, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Seeing a guy and no sex

Unread postby PopTart » 28 January 2019, 20:22

Good advice above.

Have you spoken to him about his previous relationship too? It might help to understand what he feels went wrong, what it might be he is avoiding repeating.

Could be something he doesn't really need to be concerned about with you, everyone and every relationship, tends to be different.

It may be some residual defensiveness exists, understanding how and why he was left hurt, could give you an idea of how to support him in overcoming that experience.

Obviously, not everyone wants to know about a potential partners ex's, with good reason, and your prospective guy, might be reluctant to share, don't let that worry you. Be patient and understanding.

As Bras says, communication is so important if you are looking for something long term and sustainable.
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Re: Seeing a guy and no sex

Unread postby Zurdoknoc » 28 January 2019, 21:20

All what you said is true. I just don’t know if this is only with me. The first time we met we jumped into the sex within 10 min after. After that we have been alone for hours but I just don’t want to pressure him. When I tried to initiate sex the morning after spending the night together he joked saying “ calm down”. The most I did was to touch him there and he was ok with it. Maybe he thinks I am too sexual. He has said also he likes sex when happens naturally. He also said he had too much on his head because the issue at work and he wasn’t sexually motivated which I understand. I am confused if I should touch the subject this soon or just wait sometime and address it once we get to know eachother more. Not sure if we are “seeing” Eachother or “dating” too. Some guys don’t have sex until they are dating.
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Re: Seeing a guy and no sex

Unread postby PopTart » 28 January 2019, 21:38

I think it might be worth talking to him and figuring out what exactly this thing is, you can emphasise that your not looking for commitment to one thing or another, but you could do with knowing if this is just a friendship thing for him or if it's something more intimate.

It's not unreasonable to want to know where you stand.
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Re: Seeing a guy and no sex

Unread postby Zurdoknoc » 28 January 2019, 21:47

Dating or seeing eachother is a slow process. I agree wit you but ....I would not spend a night cuddling on the sofa watching tv and then go to bed with someone I am just seeing. It was the first time. Felt great. He wa a nervous sleeping together but he said “ let’s go and laid down in bed”. I guess the best is just to go with the flow and do not put labels.
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