Self-centred bf.... advice?

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Self-centred bf.... advice?

Unread postby ms_white » 23 September 2021, 10:43

My partner and I have been together a little while now - long enough that the rose-coloured glasses and honeymoon stage has long since been discarded. I really, truly think he could be the one one, you know. We're perfectly compatible in terms of personality, physicality, disposition etc., especially for two lads who have been chronically solitary and isolated.

That said, there's a big problem: he cannot stop talking about himself and doesn't take nearly enough interest in me when we talk. I've brought it up with him and he's tried, but he's only got as far as asking how my day has been. It's clear enough that he loves me and all, but I just can't keep doing this - it makes me feel like shit, quite frankly.

Has anyone dealt with someone like this before and resolved it - how did you do it? Would very much appreciate the advice. Much love.
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Re: Self-centred bf.... advice?

Unread postby pozboro » 23 September 2021, 19:49

Welcome!

Yeah and short answer is I stopped - I just let it go. It's what I felt was best for me.

It's not an easy thing to deal with and I don't recommend either ignoring it - as if - or worse still sublimating it. The real problem is that unless the other party really wants to change, change isn't likely. I know that's not too hopeful so I'll hope someone else has some good advice. I sure don't! lol

One minor thought, have you tried, "Can we talk about me now?"
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Re: Self-centred bf.... advice?

Unread postby ms_white » 23 September 2021, 22:15

pozboro wrote:Welcome!

Yeah and short answer is I stopped - I just let it go. It's what I felt was best for me.

It's not an easy thing to deal with and I don't recommend either ignoring it - as if - or worse still sublimating it. The real problem is that unless the other party really wants to change, change isn't likely. I know that's not too hopeful so I'll hope someone else has some good advice. I sure don't! lol

Thanks, I really appreciate your candour, even though it’s not overwhelmingly positive.
pozboro wrote:One minor thought, have you tried, "Can we talk about me now?”

I have tried being this direct, but I’m fairly diplomatic so maybe I need make it clearer how important this is to me. I know he wants to change, this is just a character flaw. Anyway, thanks again. Love.
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Re: Self-centred bf.... advice?

Unread postby pozboro » 24 September 2021, 03:28

ms_white wrote:
pozboro wrote:One minor thought, have you tried, "Can we talk about me now?”

I have tried being this direct, but I’m fairly diplomatic so maybe I need make it clearer how important this is to me. I know he wants to change, this is just a character flaw. Anyway, thanks again. Love.


Yeah, sorry about the negativity but I do like to be real. If I understand correctly, it seems like it's worth a try being more direct, especially if he wants to change. Some habits can be hard to break and take lots of (lovingly supported) effort. So you're certainly not without hope at this stage.

One reason I asked that question is I've had friends who talk about what they know - themselves - but who're also self-aware enough that they get it. Oh, I'm talking too much (about myself) again. I'm not really able to dredge up a memory of one who reacted badly to some sort of change the subject cue, you know, as long as it's not nasty or mean-spirited. I don't know if you two have times when you can have heart-to-hearts, a time when difficult topics get discussed without anger or other excessive emotion. That would be a good time to gently bring up the topic and see if you guys can agree on a safe word or sentence that changes the conversation. You might find some creative, or even fun, way to make that happen. Positive and supportive is the way forward. :heart:
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