shall i continue or leave ?

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shall i continue or leave ?

Unread postby Jirmad » 16 February 2020, 21:49

hey, i've been a friend of a guy for 9 years, and i've always hid this from him, after 9 years, i decided to tell him, that was before 2 months, and i told him, that i like him and he should choose either to become my BF or to stop talking, and he turned to be straight and we stopped talking, a few days ago he texted me again, shall i return as a friend or just leave him? :pfft:
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Re: shall i continue or leave ?

Unread postby Bleach » 16 February 2020, 22:27

9 years is a good amount of time to be friends with someone. How do you really feel about talking to him again and remaining friends? You gotta ask yourself that. Your friend obviously wants to remain friends otherwise your friend wouldn't have texted you.
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Re: shall i continue or leave ?

Unread postby Jirmad » 16 February 2020, 22:36

Bleach wrote:9 years is a good amount of time to be friends with someone. How do you really feel about talking to him again and remaining friends? You gotta ask yourself that. Your friend obviously wants to remain friends otherwise your friend wouldn't have texted you.

i feel talking again with him will just hurt me more and more :bowdown:
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Re: shall i continue or leave ?

Unread postby Bleach » 16 February 2020, 22:52

Well think about it. Ultimately you have to make the decision on what you want to do.

Walking away from a friendship especially one you had feelings for is pretty hard. But it is also hard to remain friends because you think of what could have been.
It's a pretty difficult situation. Just take your time and think about if you want to remain friends or not. It's the best advice I can offer.
Good luck to you.
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Re: shall i continue or leave ?

Unread postby Revontulet » 17 February 2020, 01:37

You've spent a lot of time together as friends. Trying to value your friendship would be the best option, even-though heart desires what heart desires. Take a deep breath, think as much as you need, and be honest to yourself. Good luck.
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Re: shall i continue or leave ?

Unread postby PopTart » 17 February 2020, 22:16

This seems a really tough situation.

Firstly, I do have to say that issuing a friend with that kind of ultimatum, is abit of a "nuclear" option. Was there no middle ground you might have tried? It may be that such an "all or nothing" ultimatum, forced a choice neither of you really wanted.

That said, there comes a time in every gay man's life, when he feels the lonely pangs of unrequited love, for the straight mate.

While some will counsel you to pay respect to the your long and valued friendship and therefore put aside your feelings, I'm going to say that sometimes, we cant ignore how we feel, no matter how much we might want to.

If your feelings for this friend are such, that they will not subside or abate and you suspect they prevent you from developing a similar attachment or feelings for anyone else, then cutting ties is a means of overcoming and moving on from such a situation. I would simply caution that you are first and foremost, certain that's both what you want and how you feel.

Goodluck.
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Re: shall i continue or leave ?

Unread postby Frigid » 18 February 2020, 18:28

He deserves better, so ignore his text.
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Re: shall i continue or leave ?

Unread postby Marmaduke » 18 February 2020, 18:44

You can’t go around issuing “love me or lose me” ultimatums to people. Especially not friends. Especially not straight friends.

You made your bed, you kinda need to be ready to sleep in it. You sound like an asshole, so I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that we as a community wouldn’t be heartbroken to be offered the same golden opportunities as your friends.
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Re: shall i continue or leave ?

Unread postby Eryx » 18 February 2020, 21:51

I agree with Marmaduke, that's not something you should impose on people. It's not his fault that you're into him, it's your fault that you let these feelings fester and prolong themselves. I feel like a Ctrl+C / Ctrl+V is warranted for cases like this at this point: if you're in love with your straight friend, that's because you're not meeting enough gay guys.

There's no point in keeping this up or trying to reason with it, they're simply not interested, period. Go out, meet people, have sex, get it out of your system. It's how you'll meet others you'll feel attracted to and I'm sure the whole "I love him" feeling will fade out in no time. This isn't love...

If you feel like the only thing you can do to get over him is to drop his friendship, then do it, but it says a lot about your character that you haven't stopped to consider if he'll miss you or if you're important to him. Attraction isn't everything, friendship matters too.
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Re: shall i continue or leave ?

Unread postby Jryski » 24 February 2020, 17:37

I wouldn’t really call you an asshole. Maybe immature is the right word? I have really close friends I don’t feel for romantically. If any of them dropped me just because they were into me and it wasn’t mutual, I’d be pretty sad. It’s a shitty thing to do. It’s totally okay to be attracted to someone and remain as friends.
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