Should I Ask Him if He's Curious? How do I do it?

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Should I Ask Him if He's Curious? How do I do it?

Unread postby InternetShrink » 2 April 2020, 23:13

If this is too long, answer the title.


I’m not going to ask the infamous “Is he gay?” question or start that thread on here because I’ve tried starting that thread elsewhere in the past and I know where it goes. All I will ask here is two things: “How do I ask my best friend if he’s down to experiment with me?” and “Given the info provided, do you think my best friend is down to experiment with me?” Should I just straight up ask, "Hey bro, wanna nut in my mouth? It'll be fun!" :lol: Maybe the third question I should ask, “Is it wise to ask my best friend if he’s down to experiment with me?” I’m asking this on here because I want a second opinion. Also, I really honor our friendship. I think we have something special, and I don’t want to ruin that if he’s not curious the same way I am.

That said, it should be rather evident that I’m contemplating asking my best friend if he wants to try something with a guy, me, obviously starting with kissing and going from there. He’s never told me if he’s straight or not, but he does have a girlfriend. All that means to me is that he’s not completely gay. I can work with that lol To preface, he knows I’m curious, but we’ve never talked about it in-depth. I grew the balls to ask him if he’s a virgin. He said no, but followed that up by saying he doesn’t want to talk about it. I’m wondering if this could indicate that he’s had sex with a guy.

That out of the way, here’s a list of reasons why I think he might be curious:
1) He makes a lot of gay jokes. Ex: We were getting out of his car and he was helping me get the wheels back on my wheelchair. He was struggling with getting them to lock. I told him, “You kind of have to ram them in.” He replies, “Oh, I love getting rammed!” I laughed and jokingly said, “I bet you do.” He says, “Yep.” I jokingly ask, “By guys?” In a totally non-sarcastic tone, he goes, “Yep!”
Another example: We were watching a meme video where a little kid incoherently says “Do you wish he would do you so bad you could do anything?” Without missing a beat, my friend goes, “I wish that he would do me so bad that I could do anything.”
Odd jokes for someone who’s completely straight.

2) He says he favors me over his other friends. Let me elaborate. For his birthday, he took me and only me out from 7 PM to 3AM. I’m like “Okay, he probably hung out with his other friends all day and is now taking me out alone because he considers me his best friend.” But… and this is a BIG but… When I asked him what he’s been doing all-day he said that he slept in until noon, went out to eat with his Grandma, then spent some time with his dad (he has a very unique family dynamic). At first, I wondered if he was lying, but something about the way he talked told me he wasn’t (I’m a psych student, I know these things). He didn’t even mention he did anything with his girlfriend, which I thought was strange. When I asked why he wanted to hang out with me and me only on his birthday, he said because I’m the best and no one makes him feel special like I do. I contemplated whether all these things we’re just indications that I’m his best friend, but I’m looking back and I’m noticing that he went out of his way to spend time with just me, not anybody else. He pulled an all-nighter with me and even drove me up to the mountains for my birthday, something I’ve only seen him do with his girlfriend. I’m not sure about this one.

3) This is a big one. He shares intimate details with me. And I mean really intimate. Not sexual at all, but it’s stuff really close to him that I’m not gonna share on here. Basically, it’s about his grandpa who has passed. I wish I could tell you what it was, but all I can say is that he told me that the only other person he’s told is his grandma, no one else. Not even his girlfriend. We talked for 30 minutes about it. He was on the verge of tears.

4) I told him that it’s possible to suck his own dick and he was extremely excited because he never heard that before. He said he was going to have to research it. Do straight guys self-suck? I’m not sure on this one.

There’s other reasons I think he might like me more than as a friend, but these 3 are the biggest indicators I struggle with.

Here’s several reasons why I’m not sure.

1) Just to test the waters, when I told him that it’s possible to suck his own dick, I told him there are videos of guys doing it. He told me that he wasn’t about to watch that and laughed. Maybe the laughing indicated that he was nervous about being forced to come out? Repression?

2) Backstory or you’re going to think we both have mental issues. He is a musician. He plays in different characters. So far, I’ve seen him do Mickey Mouse and Kermit the frog. So, when he was doing Kermit the frog, I joked that I had a crush on Kermit the frog. Bear with me lol This is when friend says he (in kermit voice) is not gay. To be fair, he was in character, but that’s still a big sign to me he’s not curious. Maybe he’s so good at being in character that he doesn’t project his own feelings onto his characters, so maybe there’s still hope. Or maybe he used Kermit to hide his true feelings as he’s in the closet. Regression? Idk, are there any other psychologists here? Lol

3) I jokingly told him that he wanted to be with me. He said no. I’m like, don’t hide it, yes you do. He goes, “Yeah. You caught me.” So which one is it?
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Re: Should I Ask Him if He's Curious? How do I do it?

Unread postby Marmaduke » 3 April 2020, 05:07

You’re over-complicating things. He’s your best friend. There’s only actually one relevant question to determine if you should make sexual advances towards your ostensibly straight friend; are you willing to roll the dice on ruining that friendship? If you are, roll away, invite him to make your butthole his nuthole. If you’re not, don’t.

See? Super simple.
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Re: Should I Ask Him if He's Curious? How do I do it?

Unread postby Frigid » 3 April 2020, 06:14

He has a girlfriend, that’s messiness you might want to just give up on regardless of his sexuality. I’m sure you’re aware we will only be interpreting your history from our own bias.

InternetShrink wrote:1) He makes a lot of gay jokes. ...
Odd jokes for someone who’s completely straight.

Not odd for a straight guy who’s comfortable with his sexuality.

2) He says he favors me over his other friends...

You’re his best friend and based on what you say in your next point just goes to show how much he values you.

3) This is a big one. He shares intimate details with me. And I mean really intimate.

This is indicative of the trust he has in you regardless of whether he’s attracted to you.

4) I told him that it’s possible to suck his own dick and he was extremely excited because he never heard that before. He said he was going to have to research it. Do straight guys self-suck? I’m not sure on this one.

Definitely

Maybe the laughing indicated that he was nervous about being forced to come out? Repression?

Or none of the above.

I joked that I had a crush on Kermit the frog. Bear with me lol This is when friend says he (in kermit voice) is not gay.

Ok? Doesn’t mean anything.

3) I jokingly told him that he wanted to be with me. He said no. I’m like, don’t hide it, yes you do. He goes, “Yeah. You caught me.” So which one is it?

He either doesn’t or is good at hiding his feelings.

From what you’ve shared, It feels like you have a wonderful relationship with someone who loves you in a platonic way.
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Re: Should I Ask Him if He's Curious? How do I do it?

Unread postby InternetShrink » 3 April 2020, 07:05

Frigid wrote:He has a girlfriend, that’s messiness you might want to just give up on regardless of his sexuality. I’m sure you’re aware we will only be interpreting your history from our own bias.

InternetShrink wrote:1) He makes a lot of gay jokes. ...
Odd jokes for someone who’s completely straight.

Not odd for a straight guy who’s comfortable with his sexuality.

2) He says he favors me over his other friends...

You’re his best friend and based on what you say in your next point just goes to show how much he values you.

3) This is a big one. He shares intimate details with me. And I mean really intimate.

This is indicative of the trust he has in you regardless of whether he’s attracted to you.

4) I told him that it’s possible to suck his own dick and he was extremely excited because he never heard that before. He said he was going to have to research it. Do straight guys self-suck? I’m not sure on this one.

Definitely

Maybe the laughing indicated that he was nervous about being forced to come out? Repression?

Or none of the above.

I joked that I had a crush on Kermit the frog. Bear with me lol This is when friend says he (in kermit voice) is not gay.

Ok? Doesn’t mean anything.

3) I jokingly told him that he wanted to be with me. He said no. I’m like, don’t hide it, yes you do. He goes, “Yeah. You caught me.” So which one is it?

He either doesn’t or is good at hiding his feelings.

From what you’ve shared, It feels like you have a wonderful relationship with someone who loves you in a platonic way.

Thank you for your honest feedback. I tend to overthink things, so it helps to have someone "help me see clearer".
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