Should we break up?

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Should we break up?

Unread postby Prtnjas » 29 October 2021, 00:55

I’ve been with my partner for a year and a half. She is very extroverted which is the complete opposite of me. 

When we first started dating I’d go out with her and her friends a lot but I no longer do that because I’ve come to the conclusion that her friends are pretty shitty people. They don’t put in the same energy that she does which always leaves her feeling upset after spending time with them. 

Ex: one of her friends (B) had a bday thing this time last year where my partner had to: take off work for a week, buy a plane ticket to travel the other side of the country , and save up a significant amount of money. She attended that, and then for her bday this year she asked for said friend(and friends that went to the B’s bday as they are a friend group) to drive an hour away and none of them showed up. Tonight she’s at a birthday thing for B again and is attending because “she doesn’t want her to feel a way”. I just don’t get it. 

I’m really tired of the cycle of it all. They’re shitty friends but she’d rather have shitty friends than no friends, so she won’t let them go. 

The arguing happens though when I pretty much have to remind her that living together doesn’t equal quality time. It’s like she has these phases of going out night after night after night so we don’t get to spend time together  

I’m not gonna pretend that she doesn’t spend time with me at all. We spend time together but it’s just a lot for me when she starts going out Friday- Sun for weeks at a time. We both work during the week and pretty much just eat/cook together which I really do enjoy but I don’t think I should have to settle for just that. 

She has told me before that she doesn’t want to say no to hanging out with her friends because she feels like she misses out already. Apparently before we started dating she spent literally every day with them. 

Anyway, when she finally is available to me I just feel really weird and distant. I’m not sure how to explain it well. It also makes me feel annoyed because she’s basically like “okay, I’m ready now, be here and give me all of your attention”. The distant feeling lasts for a while because I think I don’t want to let my guard down right away a and I shouldn’t be feeling that way with someone I’ve been with almost 2 years. 

These are not feelings that she aren’t aware of but at this point I just want to know if it’s worth ending the relationship over. 
Prtnjas
 
Posts: 1
Joined: 17 February 2021, 21:01

Re: Should we break up?

Unread postby Peter123777 » 15 November 2021, 10:08

Prtnjas wrote:I’ve been with my partner for a year and a half. She is very extroverted which is the complete opposite of me. 

When we first started dating I’d go out with her and her friends a lot but I no longer do that because I’ve come to the conclusion that her friends are pretty shitty people. They don’t put in the same energy that she does which always leaves her feeling upset after spending time with them. 

Ex: one of her friends (B) had a bday thing this time last year where my partner had to: take off work for a week, buy a plane ticket to travel the other side of the country , and save up a significant amount of money. She attended that, and then for her bday this year she asked for said friend(and friends that went to the B’s bday as they are a friend group) to drive an hour away and none of them showed up. Tonight she’s at a birthday thing for B again and is attending because “she doesn’t want her to feel a way”. I just don’t get it. 

I’m really tired of the cycle of it all. They’re shitty friends but she’d rather have shitty friends than no friends, so she won’t let them go. 

The arguing happens though when I pretty much have to remind her that living together doesn’t equal quality time. It’s like she has these phases of going out night after night after night so we don’t get to spend time together  

I’m not gonna pretend that she doesn’t spend time with me at all. We spend time together but it’s just a lot for me when she starts going out Friday- Sun for weeks at a time. We both work during the week and pretty much just eat/cook together which I really do enjoy but I don’t think I should have to settle for just that. 

She has told me before that she doesn’t want to say no to hanging out with her friends because she feels like she misses out already. Apparently before we started dating she spent literally every day with them. 

Anyway, when she finally is available to me I just feel really weird and distant. I’m not sure how to explain it well. It also makes me feel annoyed because she’s basically like “okay, I’m ready now, be here and give me all of your attention”. The distant feeling lasts for a while because I think I don’t want to let my guard down right away a and I shouldn’t be feeling that way with someone I’ve been with almost 2 years. 

These are not feelings that she aren’t aware of but at this point I just want to know if it’s worth ending the relationship over.


It sounds like the relationship isn't in a "good place". Looks like your gf is really egoistic and kind of takes you for granted.
Maybe you should "stand up for yourself" one time when she's available to hang out with you and purposely schedule something for that time and tell her "I can't show up, I have this..." and not apologizing, talking very confident. Kinda making her understand you have also your values and that your time is worthwhile not less than hers and she can’t take you for granted anymore.
See how she reacts, if she gets really upset and angry and fights you or something, maybe you should consider ending the relationship. You shouldn’t be anyone’s “puppy”. Hope that helps.
Peter123777
 
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Joined: 17 August 2021, 14:52
Country: Israel (il)


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