Should we break up? We never even met (LDR)

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Should we break up? We never even met (LDR)

Unread postby throwawayaaaa » 30 July 2021, 22:06

I met this girl during this pandemic, we know each other for almost 1 year and this is my first relationship, we are both F and 19. To sum up things we've been talking every day for 5/6 hours a day and I can consider myself happy with her, she's great, I trust her, I feel comfortable with her (I have social anxiety and dont feel comfortable even w my friends), we care for each other, we have fun with each other, we try to help and make eachother a better person and we're both people who get tired of other people real fast, but this time this didnt happen, and I think we're pretty attached because If we dont talk for a day we really miss each other (yeah this is not healthy), the thing I love most in our relationship is that we always solve things out and can really TALK with each other after we fight, even if we're mad we're always trying to be mature and really UNDERSTAND each other, but there's this thing:

We never have deep and conversations and I just dont feel that spark, that connection, she doesnt really stimulate me intelectually (and I'm a person that really needs that), I can tell that I really care for her and she's the person that I like most in this world but I dont know if I love her, and I dont feel she's the one (and that fact she's my FIRST girlfriend really makes me overthink everything), but the thing is, I have a lot of mental illness (anxiety, depression, OCD) I am REALLY insecure and I doubt everything in my life, I have this tendecy to selfsabotage everything, and this is my first relationship, I dont know how Im supposed to feel, I dont know how can I KNOW if I love her or not, or if I was ever in love or not, I wish there was a test to it, please dont tell me "you just feel it" cause I rationalize everything and never know my own feeling to anything in my life (yeah this sucks)

I dont wanna throw away everything that we have for this one thing that I dont know if can be changed or not, I dont wanna lose her, but I dont wanna hold her in a relationship that I keep thinking has no future, also dont wanna hurt her, but the thing is, she's the only person in my entire life that I can really be myself with, and can really trust. And I know this SUCKS, codependecy stuff and shit, but we spend >>all<< of our free time with each other, and I dont have anyone but her, she's currently my only company and source of happiness (dont really like my actual friends). But I just hate having to say to her that I'm not sure if I love her and hurt her everytime when she REALLY loves me. Hurting her is the worst thing in the whole world. I dont even know if its bad to tell her that and "be honest" or keep that just to myself until I can understand what I'm feeling

So.. what should we do? Could LDR be the problem affecting us? Should we wait to meet IRL (we probably will be able to this year) to really determine if we have that connection or not or thats already clear? Will meeting IRL make things worst and make it harder to get over the breakup (if it happens)? We have a lot of plans together and I cant just end this great and really first and only bond I had with someone without even meeting. I think it will be definitely worst to live with the fact that we never even touched and to not 100% know if in person things would change and I would feel that "spark". But, shit, meeting and not feeling anything would be absolutely horrible too.

And another thing, should I tell her that everytime she asks if I love her or just keep that shit to myself? I'm thinking in even showing this post so she can understand but I dont wanna hurt her just so I can be "honest". I just dont wanna break her heart :(, I know she likes me and loves me deeply and she doesnt deserve all of this doubting of my part, but I also dont wanna leave her alone and if we decided to rlly break up I will make sure she has someone else to take care of her, and I hope that in the future I can at least be her friend cause losing someone this great is really something I dont wanna think about.

We are also planning to take a break and stop being so codependent, we will stop talking in voice for like 1 week to see what happens and and start hanging out more w our friends (even tho we like each other way more than our current friends) bc spending all of free time w someone can really make things monotonous and boring, and maybe we dont have nothing to talk about cause we're always w each other.

Tbh I cant even imagine being without her, I know I will be miserable cause I currently have no one else in my life, even friends. I cant even go out bc of this pandemic (my country is still in lockdown). If we break up I think im doing that for her? To set her free and find someone who is sure of things and can tell her they love her.

tl;dr dont feel connection, dont know if its due to being long distance, or maybe even selfsabotage, dont feel she's the one even tho really really like our relationship despite this fact, dont wanna break things before even meeting her, dont know if this is the best choice and what would be more painful, should I wait and meet her, should I break up rn? How can I feel this connection?
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Re: Should we break up? We never even met (LDR)

Unread postby LynxReloaded » 31 July 2021, 14:25

Break-up, absolutely. She is friend material.
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Re: Should we break up? We never even met (LDR)

Unread postby Subra » 5 August 2021, 01:13

Love rarely comes from a spark. It often starts with friendship and strengthens over time. Love is nurtured, cared for. It's like you each hold the other's heart in your hands.

The spark people talk about is infatuation, and like a spark it fizzles out fast with no substance behind it. She sounds like someone very important to you, regardless of making it work romantically she has already had a positive impact on your life. I wouldn't toss that away. See her, and figure out how you both feel, because the happy ending almost never starts with "love at first sight".
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Re: Should we break up? We never even met (LDR)

Unread postby LynxReloaded » 5 August 2021, 02:10

Subra wrote:Love rarely comes from a spark. It often starts with friendship and strengthens over time. Love is nurtured, cared for. It's like you each hold the other's heart in your hands.

The spark people talk about is infatuation, and like a spark it fizzles out fast with no substance behind it. She sounds like someone very important to you, regardless of making it work romantically she has already had a positive impact on your life. I wouldn't toss that away. See her, and figure out how you both feel, because the happy ending almost never starts with "love at first sight".


now that is some vomit
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Re: Should we break up? We never even met (LDR)

Unread postby LynxReloaded » 5 August 2021, 02:42

subra is just telling u what you want to hear because he gets off on giving people false hope...

false hope is what he is the captain of.

what u need to hear is it makes no sense for u to remain in this LDR. you would be incredibly foolish not to end it.

dont be a dullard

if it hurts her feelings so what...u cannot stay in a relationship because you fear breaking up with her will hurt her emotionally

that's not your problem.
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Re: Should we break up? We never even met (LDR)

Unread postby Eos » 5 August 2021, 06:00

I honestly don't see why your relationship should end. You both seem to care about each other. That alone is enough to at least have a great friend.
Maybe once you met her you'll see better if you really can't connect the way you want it.
However if you feel you do not have enough deep conv you should tell her about it, or try to engage this kind of conv.
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Re: Should we break up? We never even met (LDR)

Unread postby LynxReloaded » 6 August 2021, 11:59

right. friend material
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