Space Where you can Share a bit of your Relationship with Yourself

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Space Where you can Share a bit of your Relationship with Yourself

Unread postby lightnight » 23 October 2019, 20:46

Just wanted to make a thread about this forum's members relationships with themselves.

Seems kind of like a self care thread, right? I think self care is a narrower term. When I read self care I get the mental image of someone relaxing and treating themselves.

I think the purpose of this thread is that just like relationships with others, our relationships with ourselves can go through good and bad times and maybe in this space we can write how we are doing something wrong with ourselves and how we can change it. Maybe others can give their input too.

Or we can write about what we are doing right with our bodies and minds. Something that has improved our relationships.



Or we could dump it in the wasteland idk.
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Re: Space Where you can Share a bit of your Relationship with Yourself

Unread postby NvM » 25 October 2019, 00:10

fear not
lightnight wrote:Just wanted to make a thread about this forum's members relationships with themselves...
Or we could dump it in the wasteland idk.



so important how we judge our selves as it sets the bar for what we do to others.
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Re: Space Where you can Share a bit of your Relationship with Yourself

Unread postby lightnight » 25 October 2019, 17:18

I don't understand what you're trying to say here lol.
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Re: Space Where you can Share a bit of your Relationship with Yourself

Unread postby Jzone » 25 October 2019, 18:24

Nice idea for a thread, Lightnight. Maybe not as catchy as what fuels your erection, so we'll see if it continues.

Your relationship with yourself is the only one you are guaranteed to have throughout your life. My own experience has been a roller coaster ride from self love (or at least appreciation) to hyper criticism. I have gone through months at a time when I could hardly meet my eyes in a mirror, and times when I have been inordinately impressed by my own thoughts. Right now I am in a good place in relationship with myself, and working on smoothing out some of the highs and lows. I don't want to eliminate them — that's not healthy either — but reducing the extremes can be a good thing.

A good tool I came across a few years ago is the acronym, DWELLS —
  • Diet - good nutrition fuels a healthy emotional life
  • Water - constant mild dehydration leads to all sorts of physical and emotional health issues
  • Exercise - you don't have to be a gym rat, but our bodies need movement
  • Light - get outside, buy a full-spectrum happy light for the winter if necessary
  • Laughter - the best medicine
  • Sleep - "sleep hygiene" is one of the most overlooked aspects of self-care

Establishing good habits in each of these is like a savings account, giving you a cushion for when times get rough for whatever reason. Now I notice when I start to neglect any of these, and recognize it as a warning of emotional negativity.
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Re: Space Where you can Share a bit of your Relationship with Yourself

Unread postby Eryx » 27 October 2019, 05:56

Your thread was empty when I saw it for the first time, and I never replied because I felt my contribution should be meaningful. Somehow, the idea of a community diary feels more comfortable to me than what we had on GTF, where everyone had a thread.

I'm kind of lost right now but in a good and comfortable way. This is the first time I'm majoring in something I know of, and my grades reflect on that. I feel good about myself, my body and I feel I am a good person. New things are happening, however, in response to that. I'm being perceived differently, I'm being more targeted, and I can't even make any sense of it.

I wish I could put things into words a little more coherently than what I'm doing right now, but I'm not sure yet, it's all just kind of new and I'm terrified of sounding childish or condescending about it. I'll try again later.
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Re: Space Where you can Share a bit of your Relationship with Yourself

Unread postby lightnight » 27 October 2019, 19:33

Jzone wrote:Your relationship with yourself is the only one you are guaranteed to have throughout your life. My own experience has been a roller coaster ride from self love (or at least appreciation) to hyper criticism. I have gone through months at a time when I could hardly meet my eyes in a mirror, and times when I have been inordinately impressed by my own thoughts. Right now I am in a good place in relationship with myself, and working on smoothing out some of the highs and lows. I don't want to eliminate them — that's not healthy either — but reducing the extremes can be a good thing.

A good tool I came across a few years ago is the acronym, DWELLS —
  • Diet - good nutrition fuels a healthy emotional life
  • Water - constant mild dehydration leads to all sorts of physical and emotional health issues
  • Exercise - you don't have to be a gym rat, but our bodies need movement
  • Light - get outside, buy a full-spectrum happy light for the winter if necessary
  • Laughter - the best medicine
  • Sleep - "sleep hygiene" is one of the most overlooked aspects of self-care

Establishing good habits in each of these is like a savings account, giving you a cushion for when times get rough for whatever reason. Now I notice when I start to neglect any of these, and recognize it as a warning of emotional negativity.


Thank you for your response.

When you wrote that your relationship with yourself has had many highs and lows, I definitely related to that. I'm sure most of us did, honestly. It really is like an investment and it takes work to maintain a positive self image. I like the DWELLS acronym too .

If we take that as a standard, the rest of these things are okay, but diet and sleep are the things I need to work on. I try with diet but I can only sleep 5,6 hours most days.
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Re: Space Where you can Share a bit of your Relationship with Yourself

Unread postby lightnight » 27 October 2019, 19:43

Eryx wrote:Your thread was empty when I saw it for the first time, and I never replied because I felt my contribution should be meaningful. Somehow, the idea of a community diary feels more comfortable to me than what we had on GTF, where everyone had a thread.

I'm kind of lost right now but in a good and comfortable way. This is the first time I'm majoring in something I know of, and my grades reflect on that. I feel good about myself, my body and I feel I am a good person. New things are happening, however, in response to that. I'm being perceived differently, I'm being more targeted, and I can't even make any sense of it.

I wish I could put things into words a little more coherently than what I'm doing right now, but I'm not sure yet, it's all just kind of new and I'm terrified of sounding childish or condescending about it. I'll try again later.


It doesn't have to necessarily be a community diary... In the sense that nobody has to write regularly or about random things on their mind. I've done that in the past and I don't think it's very productive.

I think if we only posted our strategies that we've learned to keep our relationship with ourselves good, or when we need any kind of help, it would be useful for the community.


I'm glad that you have settled on a major. It's so cool to have purpose. I hope you do really well in that field.

I don't know what you mean by being targeted, but I think you can discern positive criticism from negative one and just focus on what's important, i.e., your own path. All the best to you!
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Re: Space Where you can Share a bit of your Relationship with Yourself

Unread postby rogonandi » 28 October 2019, 04:43

My relationship with myself is pretty much what you would expect. It’s almost completely determined by what I see and what I have to deal with at the present time.

The past has already happened so aside from learning from mistakes, it’s useless to worry about. The future is a nightmarishly dark tunnel filled with hardship, but since it’s unavoidable, it’s useless to dread it or whine about it.
People love to follow fools; they don't feel so alone then.

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Re: Space Where you can Share a bit of your Relationship with Yourself

Unread postby Capt._Trips » 30 October 2019, 22:49

I've currently been A bit depressed. Just in my own head a lot lately.

Ill try and respond to some dm's on Friday.
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Re: Space Where you can Share a bit of your Relationship with Yourself

Unread postby LostGuy94 » 31 October 2019, 10:53

I'm very much up and down mood wise.

One issue I have is the constant feeling of being alone, trying my best to fight it and try and do stuff with other people but can only go so far, the efforts and frustrations that come along with Grindr don't help nor does some of the drama that some of my friends are providing me with.

Always up for a chat about just anything really, feel free to drop me a message on here if you want to :thumbsup:
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Re: Space Where you can Share a bit of your Relationship with Yourself

Unread postby lightnight » 4 November 2019, 03:03

rogonandi wrote:My relationship with myself is pretty much what you would expect. It’s almost completely determined by what I see and what I have to deal with at the present time.

The past has already happened so aside from learning from mistakes, it’s useless to worry about. The future is a nightmarishly dark tunnel filled with hardship, but since it’s unavoidable, it’s useless to dread it or whine about it.


That seems to be a pretty rational way to go about, like, accepting the present and not worrying about the past and the future. I value the merits of this. It saves you from a lot of emotional problems.
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Re: Space Where you can Share a bit of your Relationship with Yourself

Unread postby lightnight » 4 November 2019, 03:23

LostGuy94 wrote:I'm very much up and down mood wise.

One issue I have is the constant feeling of being alone, trying my best to fight it and try and do stuff with other people but can only go so far, the efforts and frustrations that come along with Grindr don't help nor does some of the drama that some of my friends are providing me with.

Always up for a chat about just anything really, feel free to drop me a message on here if you want to :thumbsup:


I hope you find really good company and you value the time spent with them.

I think Grindr and others are definitely useful for us gays despite matching up with the majority of people whose intentions might not match yours but that's pretty much how it's like IRL too. Just keep searching and best of luck I guess.

I hope your friends drama sorts out too. In my experience, friendships don't remain the same over the course of time and it's okay.

If you have time in your daily schedule, do try enrolling in a class that can enhance some skill of yours. I don't know if it's a universal thing or not but spending time working towards a common goal can open people up to each other and you can make new friendships or relationships along the way. I struck surprisingly good friendships when I was in a class two years ago.
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Re: Space Where you can Share a bit of your Relationship with Yourself

Unread postby LostGuy94 » 22 November 2019, 23:24

lightnight wrote:I hope you find really good company and you value the time spent with them.

I think Grindr and others are definitely useful for us gays despite matching up with the majority of people whose intentions might not match yours but that's pretty much how it's like IRL too. Just keep searching and best of luck I guess.

I hope your friends drama sorts out too. In my experience, friendships don't remain the same over the course of time and it's okay.

If you have time in your daily schedule, do try enrolling in a class that can enhance some skill of yours. I don't know if it's a universal thing or not but spending time working towards a common goal can open people up to each other and you can make new friendships or relationships along the way. I struck surprisingly good friendships when I was in a class two years ago.


Thanks for the response, I'll provide a follow up to give a bit of an update.

The friendship drama has settled down now although sick of my mate suggesting stuff that won't work, keeps suggesting we should get our own place together but I am unwilling to as I know it's not financially viable certainly at this moment in time and is stuck in the past and wants it to be like school days again but that just ain't gonna happen as the rest of us have moved on.

My luck on Grindr is still pretty dire, amount of messages I recieve vary wildly and it's a bit of a downer when I get slim to none (apart from the odd older guy which I ain't really into), still trying but it's not proving to be easy.

General mood has been all over the shop again lately, at a stage where everything is stressing me out especially public transport which I frequent and have faced many delays and cancellations which drives autistic me insane, honestly don't know how to reduce distress when out & about lately so am starting to take to staying in more & spend several hours on YouTube
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Re: Space Where you can Share a bit of your Relationship with Yourself

Unread postby GearFetTwinkRomance » 24 November 2019, 13:39

Relationship with myself ... well, I can say it's probably one of the most difficult if one has to get along with oneself all the time being alone and likely will remain forever, so one's concerns kind of center on the great shitty 'Dukkha'. :lol: I spend a lot of time with distraction from self centered issues and I always can appreciate and often support how other people relate to themselves. I like the ways in which they can accept themselves, how they are balanced within, or seem to deal with all the ups and downs. Often I'm like WOW, everyone's so self confident and self secure, and WOW, how they manage to find friends and even love. Sometimes makes me wondering of how they do that, so easily. Sometimes makes me envy, even zealous to a certain nuance. (Which I don't like about myself)
Makes me see the differences and how much my handicap takes it's role in the oops, wrong planet feeling, too.
So the relationship with myself better would be invisible, so that other people can be happy without ceasing. This world is made for the happy folks - in the meantime I'm all with Tschechow, who wrote about this idea, thatt happiness can only continue to exist, if the unhappy, the sad people keep silence. Talking about a life with a lot of sad parts may cause people a loss in happiness. One thing you don't want.

So if I could be two people in a relationship, the one would likely kick the other one's butt all the fucking time! :lol: Like a surgeon and his willing patient or something, a sculptor and his piece of rock, a musician and his guitar out of tune. There are times when I want to rearrange my own genetic composition, like in that John Merrick Poem I like a lot : "If I could make myself anew, I would not fail in pleasing you" - okay, it's supposed to be from another guy, but it's often said to be from John Merrick, anyway.
And sometimes I wish, the mind would be the standard of man, aye.
Of course I know, I have learnt the hard way, it's very much, how one does look like. And in the second place, how one's abilities work together, how one's functions can be in synergy with all those expectations of society and the sub one's intertwined with.

I don't like the physical flaws of myself . I tried to change them literally all my life, well, at least after I was made aware of them around age 8 and while trying to sculpt that shit bucket of a body by sports and training, and all the diet experiments that covered the story. If I ever became sort of rich I probably would have more plastic surgery done than Michael Jackson ever had to kind of ruin his face with. :D
I don't want to look perfect by any means. Just regular would be okay. Gear Fetishes can be the way of simplicity - people don't get caught on one's looks, because they can't see them. :lol: In snowboarder gear, MX-gear, skidoo gear, scuba gear and that like, you can be that random dude that nobody takes much a notice of.

You'll get it, why it must be difficult. I'd rather get a divorce :lol: and find another body to passenger myself in. I would prefer some handsome dude with no real complex mind, like Matt Donovan in the Vampire diaries, but defined fit body, good physics genes and everything that can draw the Twinks trailing in his wake, so 2 say.
Or if someone cool like poolerboy had a twin Bro ... wishful thinking. ;) ( I would like to be someone cool, able to impress Twinks, too)

The few things I'm okay with are mostly of the psyche and personality. I have learnt do distract myself and living all alone I've got plenty of time to write novels and songs, lyrics, essays, compose my music and draw, paint, design casual and sportswear clothing and board deck designs, tattoo designs, that like. So life's filled with joyful things on the other hand, and I try to get my share of happy things with the surfing, skateboarding and the gang I hang with, during spring, summer, autumn, as often as I can.

So not having had any experience in love, relationship with a dude and never to know, what a gentle caress, kisses and hugs will be like, romance and all that I have had silly pipe dreams about, since I was a little boy in kindergarden ... I think life has much more important things to offer, and I guess what I have had silly dreams about was asked too much from life, and I never deserved. Love is there for other people.

:lol: Now I wanted to share 3 words and it's gone down the word squall syndrome lane again. :lol:
------------------
I would be excited as to what Mr. PopTart would share, but he doesn't seem to be around at time.
.......................
Not a wasteland thread!
Fine thread :thumbsup:
If ya want to hang with me, let's go windsurfing!

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