Stop finding my best mate attractive

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Stop finding my best mate attractive

Unread postby dynamicdoggo » 27 June 2020, 19:14

So, I had feelings for best friend (emotional and sexual) but I told him how I felt a while ago and he didn't feel the same. Eventually, I no longer felt any 'love' towards him but I'm still incredibly sexually attracted to him. Like legit I want to fuck him so bad. I know I will never have anything with him, and I'm contempt with that. But, he's my best friend and I feel like the feelings I have may manifest into emotions again which I don't want. Thing is, I find he is the only thing I can 'get off' to now. Sometimes, porn doesn't cut it, but he does :/ Been err, wanking a lot to him lately and feel guilty every time. I want to fix all of this now but I want to do it in a way that doesn't severe our friendship in any way.
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Re: Stop finding my best mate attractive

Unread postby niXin » 17 July 2020, 17:30

Hello DynamicDoggo,
First of all being attracted to someone sexually is totally normal thing, no matter if he is your bestie or just a stranger. Though when he is a bestie the attractin can be even stronger because you know not only his physical appearance but also inner world and if it makes you happy then you are more bond to him. When I was at age of 14 - 16 I had few guys in my neighborhood and well, they were not gays at all but I was sometimes not sleeping at night thinking of them and imagining how nice it would be to be with them on the bed, cuddle have sex and etc... but deep in my heart I knew its not gonna happen.

About your situation:
I am not a psychologist so I just say my opinion that may not ba applicable to your situation as I dont see the full picture.
The fact that you sad to him that you want him sounds to me a little early, imagine him seeing you as his best friend and never thought anything sexual about you, now I think he also may feel weird to be with you or maybe not. But what happened is happened already. Now the fact that you try to suspend your desire for sex with porn and wanking sounds the logical solution (dont overdo it, because you may hurt your penis). But in a longer term with time you will get along with that, especially when you start meeting new people and making new friends. If you study in school then try to find some local lgbt groups or communities where you can find other gays and maybe you will find your love who will support you and you will not see anyone else except your love when it comes to intimacy. If you are already working then I guess dating apps are you friend. But trying to convince him for sexual act or pursuing him may lead to the arguments and breaking the friendship, so as long as he is not interested in that leave him alone. After all being attracted to him is your issue not his and he cannot do anything with it.

I hope you can get along with it and soon will go back to normal emotional state soon.
Unfortunately the world tend not to accept the ones who don't look or behave like majority.
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Re: Stop finding my best mate attractive

Unread postby Valso » 17 July 2020, 18:04

dynamicdoggo wrote:So, I had feelings for best friend (emotional and sexual) but I told him how I felt a while ago and he didn't feel the same. Eventually, I no longer felt any 'love' towards him but I'm still incredibly sexually attracted to him. Like legit I want to fuck him so bad. I know I will never have anything with him, and I'm contempt with that. But, he's my best friend and I feel like the feelings I have may manifest into emotions again which I don't want. Thing is, I find he is the only thing I can 'get off' to now. Sometimes, porn doesn't cut it, but he does :/ Been err, wanking a lot to him lately and feel guilty every time. I want to fix all of this now but I want to do it in a way that doesn't severe our friendship in any way.

Over the years I found an easy way to prevent myself from falling in love (I got hurt twice, so I taught myself not to feel love at all) and I think it may help in your case. But it depends if you have the will to bring to the very end. It's simple - whenever I find myself I'm about to fall in love with someone, I begin finding cons in their personality or looks, or both. And I keep doing that until the cons become more than the pros and when that happens, I no longer can fall in love with that person. Since we're talking about your best friend, meaning someone who you will keep seeing on a daily basis and there's a risk of developing new feelings for him, you're gonna have to use that method every time you feel you're changing to the feelings lane. That part will be hard precisely because you'll see him every day. If you find it too hard to use my method all the time, you're gonna have to cut all relations with him, otherwise you're either gonna get crazy from love for him or you will start hating him for not sharing your feelings. Been there, done that too. It ain't pretty for either one of the two sides.
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