Struggling to Let Go

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Struggling to Let Go

Unread postby ChrisH994 » 25 March 2021, 15:42

I have a feeling this is going to sound really stupid and clingy, but so had to write it down somewhere.
I met a guy, about four years ago now, and he was the first guy I ever dated. Geeky, adorable, lovely voice, everything I look for in a guy. We went on a couple of dates, but he lived far away and our schedules wouldn't line up so we called it off. I got on with my life, had another relationship in the meantime, but this guy was the only guy I've ever seen myself with, and we'd go back to each other every now and then, and it would be flirty but nothing serious.
Then, we properly got back in contact during the UK lockdown, and we had some Skype dates, constantly texting and as it's coming to an end, I decided to ask if he wanted another physical date. This is where he properly rejected me, saying he doesn't want to properly date as he intends to leave the country in the next year or so, but didn't know how to tell me until now. He apologised for stringing me along on online dates for the past nine months, saying he never expected ourphysical dates to be a thing due to leaving and lockdowns. Any usual rejection or dumping, I'm fine with, I get over it,but I cannot seem to get over this guy. He's the only guy I have seen myself seriously with, or having a future with, it feels like he's strung me along (although I likely just got too attached) and I don't know how to let go and feel better again. I know this sounds weird and immature, but I'd just like some form of advice or someone to tell me I'm an idiot for clinging on or something
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Re: Struggling to Let Go

Unread postby Nickr » 25 March 2021, 20:23

You were indeed strung along by a guy who could have avoided doing so by sending a one line text informing you he was going to leave at any point. You're better off without him.
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Re: Struggling to Let Go

Unread postby Raynethemagi » 26 March 2021, 01:05

ChrisH994 wrote:I have a feeling this is going to sound really stupid and clingy, but so had to write it down somewhere.
I met a guy, about four years ago now, and he was the first guy I ever dated. Geeky, adorable, lovely voice, everything I look for in a guy. We went on a couple of dates, but he lived far away and our schedules wouldn't line up so we called it off. I got on with my life, had another relationship in the meantime, but this guy was the only guy I've ever seen myself with, and we'd go back to each other every now and then, and it would be flirty but nothing serious.
Then, we properly got back in contact during the UK lockdown, and we had some Skype dates, constantly texting and as it's coming to an end, I decided to ask if he wanted another physical date. This is where he properly rejected me, saying he doesn't want to properly date as he intends to leave the country in the next year or so, but didn't know how to tell me until now. He apologised for stringing me along on online dates for the past nine months, saying he never expected ourphysical dates to be a thing due to leaving and lockdowns. Any usual rejection or dumping, I'm fine with, I get over it,but I cannot seem to get over this guy. He's the only guy I have seen myself seriously with, or having a future with, it feels like he's strung me along (although I likely just got too attached) and I don't know how to let go and feel better again. I know this sounds weird and immature, but I'd just like some form of advice or someone to tell me I'm an idiot for clinging on or something


You need to allow yourself to feel bad. You need to allow yourself to be a clingy person. This will be hard thing to get over, but you need to allow whatever it is your feeling to just let it be. Don't try to ignore or try to "resist" feeling broken-hearted. "What resists persists", the more you try to resist feeling bad, you're just going to make yourself even more upset in the long run.

And look, it's ok to feel bad. That's something that bothers the hell out of me. Everyone feels like they have to be this "strong" person, but it's ok to let your guard down. It's ok to admit to yourself that you're just not happy. It's NORMAL! This guy meant something to you, so it's ok to feel broken-hearted. You're upset, so be upset. And allow you to feel this way for as long as it naturally goes on. In other words, allow yourself to feel bad till you naturally feel good. If that means days, weeks, or months, or even hours, then so be it. Eventually you will start feeling better. Don't try to combat how it is you truly feel. I don't care if someone says "Real men don't cry." Number one, they don't know what they're talking about. Number 2, a real man does cry when something legitimately causes them to cry.

That's my advice....
Here's an example of the Universe trying to tell you that you need healing in an area of your life:

Someone who struggles with showing emotion. This person, in their lifetime, will constantly struggle with this, and that is because, they choose to ignore or disregard the fact that they have trouble showing emotion. Most people will ignore this issue, and will continue to fracture themselves. And this goes with pretty much any problem that happens in your life that is recurring. Don't pass up an opportunity to make you "whole" again.
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Re: Struggling to Let Go

Unread postby goldendragoninator » 28 March 2021, 21:20

I agree with the advice of Raynethemagi

I feel you pinpointed the words when you stated, "although I likely just got too attached". This is usually referred to as "infatuation" in the world of relatinoships. The question is, was he interested in you at the same level you were interested in him?

Genuine relationships are 50/50 meaning that each loves one another at the same level. It starts out as friendship and grows in time. This is just how I feel a relationship grows.

Also, it seems like he had or had made plans for his future and he didn't want to hurt your feelings. I will not analyze that, but it sounds like he had other plans. Anything is possible.

I think I can relate to your story a bit, because I've been infatuated before. You wind up wasting your energy on a person that's not really interested, or even "having a cake and eating it, too". You can't "force love" to happen. Then again, I don't know all the variables involved, so I could be wrong!
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