Stuck in the middle

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Stuck in the middle

Unread postby lostsodeep » 5 March 2019, 19:09

Hello everyone,
I am new here. I came seeking advice because I am seriously left with no clue.
My boyfriend told me we are not getting back together unless I change my behaviour and some traits in me. I make fights, sometimes I shout, insult but I really love him.. My reactions are so bad. He said he wont move on and that he is waiting for me to change but he is using social gay apps and it really make me angry and doesnt help me show good behaviour because I think he is using me and playing with me. We live together and for the past 3 weeks I have been telling him to get back but he kept on refusing and it drives me mad.. I wanted to make him think he gonna lose so i went to meet another man but he knew and called me cheater.. I was pointing out to him that if we stay like this its gonna end up worse and that he cant call me a cheater if he is not with me... I failed to scare him and I am being called a cheater.. I used other apps so I can show up on his radar too he came home to beat me today and called me a cheater.. I wasnt cheating.. I wasnt even planning to do anything. I wanted to make him think he is losing me but he seems okay.. he wanna cuddle and kiss, he want that we sleep together but when i bring the topic of getting back he ignores it... but i am thinking its an illusion.. i am overthinking, worried.. Do I change myself? Do I do my best to show him a good behaviour when i am really stuck in the middle between yes or no.. he says he loves me but how can he hold back his love? He played with my feelings and my nerves.. and wants me to change.. What to do? I cant see myself doing efforts if he doesnt want us back... if he is okay like this.. it all made me think thats its so fake..
lostsodeep
 
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Re: Stuck in the middle

Unread postby ajakes124 » 6 March 2019, 11:44

your relationship sounds toxic. i think you guys should really reconsider what you are and what the best thing to do is..
it sounds like you have an anxious avoidant attachment style. you can watch videos on youtube about attachment theory and also find ways to cope with it in order to have a normal relationship. you do need to work on yourself but it sounds like he needs to too. good luck!
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Re: Stuck in the middle

Unread postby lostsodeep » 6 March 2019, 12:20

Yes, it has become really toxic. I really want us to talk but he's avoiding serious communication because he is afraid that some words may lead to tensions and fights whether it comes from me or him. I tried many times to talk with him with the intention to dig deep to fix and find solutions to prevent fights from happening but he couldnt stop himself from blaming me for many things.. its like he has a ready list of all my mistakes.. and its like he never accepted my apologies for them. I dont keep repeating the past or talking about it to blame him or belittle him or make him feel bad about himself.. but he does that to me every time. I can reconsider what we are.. but its like i am left on my own in the relationship.. fixing it on my own.
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Re: Stuck in the middle

Unread postby Eryx » 7 March 2019, 17:20

Some things can't be fixed after they've been broken. If he can't move past your previous mistakes, there's simply no future for this relationship. It seems to me like it just isn't worth it to hold on to this for you. It's hurting more than making you happy. There are other men out there who can treat you better and love you without all this horrible drama. And you can work on yourself more effectively if you're on your own. I'm sorry, my personal opinion is that it's time to call it quits.
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Re: Stuck in the middle

Unread postby lostsodeep » 7 March 2019, 18:13

It is really hard to move on. I have been meeting with this guy every day for more than a year and I am living with him now. It hurts more than it is making me happy that is totally true! He told me "Fix yourself. I am really tired of fights. I love you but we are not getting back until I see a change in you" meanwhile he's on tinder and on grindr. He's talking to other boys.. He blocked me on insta so I don't check the followers.. He created his own world but still want to kiss, hug, have sex and want to do what normal couples do. He made me feel I am in an open relationship with him.. He made me feel bad about myself.. I feel I am being used.. He wants my attention and my care and I get nothing in return... Its like he moved on but kept me with him... I am stuck in the middle wondering what I am to him now?
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Re: Stuck in the middle

Unread postby Delishes » 17 March 2019, 03:26

I don’t understand when he dates other guys on multiple apps how dare he calls you cheater?

While you might not be perfect for him as of now,still ,this is very disrespectful.When you start to lose your respect for Your partner,that is where it hurts most and can’t be undone.The other guy seems like he lost his respect for you as a person,when you don’t respect your partner as a person,you can’t love them either.So you should definitly avoid him,he is using you
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