The most powerful way to breakup with someone?

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The most powerful way to breakup with someone?

Unread postby Boomseal » 11 January 2020, 01:39

Hey all,

I’ve been dating someone for a few months. This is after I was single for 3 years because my last relationship was incredibly abusive.

The guy I’m dating is very promiscuous. I have no issue with this, as long as he doesn’t lie to me. There was one person he lied to me about, and this created unreasonable jealousy in me.
I communicated my feelings about this person to him, and he offered to not talk to him anymore. I told him I wasn’t asking that, but if they slept together again I wanted to know before it happened.

A few weeks later he sent me away from his apartment because he had to finish his taxes. He instead invited this person over and had sex with him again and didn’t tell me. I found out, and told him how hurtful it was and asked why and received no good response. ... at this point I should have left. I know. He promised he wouldn’t talk to this person anymore.

Christmas Eve comes around, and he starts an argument with me, and leaves me at his apartment and is gone all night. The next day he tells me he didn’t have sex but only slept at this persons house. He refused to tell me who it was.

Today, I find out it was this same guy. Betrayal and hurt were my initial feelings. But now I’m just mad. I’m mad and I want to do something to get revenge - I’m not going to.

So my question is this: I know if I bring this up to him with anger, he will shut down and somehow make it my fault. I am going to take time to calm and center myself.

What is the way in which I can bring this up, and send then most effective message to him that - if he has any conscience - will make him understand and perhaps feel bad for what he did?

Or - what regardless of making him feel anything, what is the most powerful way I can breakup with him while holding my head up high and maintaining my dignity?


- I’m 33 years old, and my longest relationship has been 6 years. I care for this man I’m dating, but I tend to attract people with NPD, and it seems as though I’ve done it again.
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Re: The most powerful way to breakup with someone?

Unread postby Jzone » 11 January 2020, 02:36

Welcome, Boom.

You're 33. An adult conversation is what is called for here. Knowing as much as you have shared, and if it was me, here is what I would do.

I would remove everything of mine from his apartment and not contact him. If he called or texted me I would suggest we meet for coffee so we could talk. Over coffee I would tell him (as calmly as possible) that the relationship is not working for me and is over. He seems to have a different idea of what is acceptable in the relationship and you have made your boundaries clear. Now there is a trust issue that will not easily heal. Let him know you care about him but can no longer be in relationship.

Sounds nice anyway. Get yourself centered and clear that done is done. Good luck with it.
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Re: The most powerful way to breakup with someone?

Unread postby René » 11 January 2020, 07:41

Boomseal wrote:There was one person he lied to me about, and this created unreasonable jealousy in me.

Just want to point out that a certain amount of jealousy is completely appropriate in any relationship, and if clear rules have been laid out, it is entirely reasonable to expect these not to be broken. Clearly he's the unreasonable one, but he seems to have got to you at some level by making you feel like it's you. I don't think you're wrong about the narcissism thing.

And welcome to the forum :)
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Re: The most powerful way to breakup with someone?

Unread postby poolerboy0077 » 11 January 2020, 08:45

To answer your title’s question without reading the body of your post: having them catch you sleeping with their dad.
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Re: The most powerful way to breakup with someone?

Unread postby mxguy01 » 13 January 2020, 17:27

Boomseal wrote:...abusive...promiscuous...issue...lie...jealousy...hurtful...Betrayal...hurt ...mad....revenge...anger... fault...

...I tend to attract people with NPD...


IMO honestly there's some stuff you need to work out for yourself before you attempt another relationship.
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Re: The most powerful way to breakup with someone?

Unread postby JoelR » 15 January 2020, 00:25

Boomseal wrote:What is the way in which I can bring this up, and send then most effective message to him that - if he has any conscience - will make him understand and perhaps feel bad for what he did?


Gurl, you can pack up your damn bags and walk out the door. That's how you can send a message to him AND yourself. You're dating a slut who doesn't care about your relationship. But what's worse is the boyfriend who wants to stay with the man slut and thinks he won't cheat. That's you, by the way.
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Re: The most powerful way to breakup with someone?

Unread postby mxguy01 » 15 January 2020, 19:05

Go to your favorite bar, have a couple drinks, send a text saying it's over (nice or not as you see fit) explaining why and enjoy the rest of the evening. Well that's what I did last night for a guy I been seeing lately.
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