The Polyamory/Polyfidelity Thread

Ask questions and discuss your relationships with partners or parents, family or friends.

What ARE you?!

I'm polyamorous in practice.
0
No votes
I'm polyamorous in theory.
4
21%
I'm open to polyamory.
7
37%
I'm a monogamist.
10
53%
I'm a serial monogamist.
2
11%
Never really thought about it.
1
5%
 
Total votes : 24

Re: The Polyamory/Polyfidelity Thread

Unread postby erti » 6 March 2020, 20:50

Marmaduke wrote:I believe myself to be a monogamist.

If I was with someone I loved, I don’t think I’d care if the relationship was open. I don’t believe I would look outside of it for sex, but I genuinely don’t think I’d care if they did, for whatever reason. I’d trust them to be sensible, and beyond that I wouldn’t take an interest, I’d view it as their business and as long as it didn’t impact me then more power to them. I don’t think my trust in someone would be affected either way by sexual exclusivity in and of itself.

However, bringing someone else into that trust? I don’t think I’d want that. I don’t think I’d be comfortable with that. I don’t think I have the capacity to invest to that extent in more than one person, I’m not wired that way. When I’ve been in love, the things I’ve treasured most are the things we two shared that nobody else saw. The barely perceptible looks that we could give each other and convey a conversation. Them being the first person I spoke to and the last person I spoke to every day. Them being the only person I spoke to every single day. Them being the only person I felt truly at ease around, even including being in my own company. I don’t think I could find that appreciation for someone simultaneously in two or more people at the same time. I don’t think I’d want to try.


I think the thing about polyamory the argument is that their love is infinite and not being able to love just one person. With monogamy they believe that they feel they can only have one soulmate and that it’s against their morale beliefs. I find polyamory more natural than anything. Falling in love is a chemical thing in the head. Do I believe in love at first sight... no but I believe certain things where even their smell attracts someone. Love is a relative term. What is true love? Will I ever find love?
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Re: The Polyamory/Polyfidelity Thread

Unread postby PopTart » 6 March 2020, 21:00

Marmaduke wrote:I believe myself to be a monogamist.

If I was with someone I loved, I don’t think I’d care if the relationship was open. I don’t believe I would look outside of it for sex, but I genuinely don’t think I’d care if they did, for whatever reason. I’d trust them to be sensible, and beyond that I wouldn’t take an interest, I’d view it as their business and as long as it didn’t impact me then more power to them. I don’t think my trust in someone would be affected either way by sexual exclusivity in and of itself.

However, bringing someone else into that trust? I don’t think I’d want that. I don’t think I’d be comfortable with that. I don’t think I have the capacity to invest to that extent in more than one person, I’m not wired that way. When I’ve been in love, the things I’ve treasured most are the things we two shared that nobody else saw. The barely perceptible looks that we could give each other and convey a conversation. Them being the first person I spoke to and the last person I spoke to every day. Them being the only person I spoke to every single day. Them being the only person I felt truly at ease around, even including being in my own company. I don’t think I could find that appreciation for someone simultaneously in two or more people at the same time. I don’t think I’d want to try.

Thats a perspective I hadn't anticipated.

I think, in some ways, that would be the source of friction for me, having to share those experiences with someone else. I too think I'd struggle to focus that much on more than one person. People can be hard work, the nes we care most about, doubly so.

The sexual thing, I can't say I'd be as comfortable as you Marm, but then, I dunno. I've never seriousl entertained the idea and if it made my partner happy. I dunno.
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Re: The Polyamory/Polyfidelity Thread

Unread postby Derek » 7 March 2020, 01:14

So are you seeing auditions for a thrusband?
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Re: The Polyamory/Polyfidelity Thread

Unread postby René » 7 March 2020, 09:27

Derek wrote:So are you seeing auditions for a thrusband?

Pre-production preparations are at a very early stage. Locations are being scouted.
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Re: The Polyamory/Polyfidelity Thread

Unread postby Marmaduke » 7 March 2020, 11:47

René wrote:
Derek wrote:So are you seeing auditions for a thrusband?

Pre-production preparations are at a very early stage. Locations are being scouted.

I was just going to comment that my agent would seem to have lost my invitation to the casting call. I suppose I should apologise for berating them about it now.
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Re: The Polyamory/Polyfidelity Thread

Unread postby Derek » 8 March 2020, 02:41

I find the idea anxiety-inducing. I don't even want a relationship with one person. Two is just spitting in the face of god.

And why are threesomes so popular in porn? I don't like it.
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Re: The Polyamory/Polyfidelity Thread

Unread postby Revontulet » 8 March 2020, 03:35

Practical monogamy suits me best. I fully support monogamy and its importance which I find inviolable. Theoretically speaking, I'm not attracted to modify the rules of monogamy, just for the sake of prolonging relationship or making the intimacy more appealing if it involves random hookups and insignificant group sex encounters.

With all due respect, I do not like open relationships at all. If I find out one day that my potential significant other is like: "But I love you. It just a d*ck," I'll reply: "Okay, sis. You just bought an instant exclusive one way ticket to farewell... through the window. Happy landing and go hug a landmine." That's why I feel like advocacy of monogamy is sometimes worse than fighting windmills.

But, am I open to polyamory? Yes, on paper.

Personally, I find this quote a bit zany, but there is "an openness to any impulses that may arise within me at any time", if it means full emotional, sexual and creative commitment, accomplished in exclusive triad with equal representation of all three partners. What I wouldn't allow myself is to have any other type of other polyamorous or umbrella-term varieties. So, the next best thing after monogamy would be triadic polyfidelity, but only if I become brave enough for this step.

However, would I be involved in an relationship with a scenario like this: my boyfriend has a boyfriend and we all live happy together?

...

I don't know. Maybe I could have been. My ex was in a parallel relationship with me, and unbeknownst to me, with another guy. When I found out, he had already become determined to choose between the two, because he was afraid of having two boyfriends simultaneously. He could have talked with me before all of this mess, we all could have talked about the situation, we might have become poly of some sort. Or not. Who knows...

Anyhow, I will continue to prefer monogamy. I will strongly root for it. If "any impulses arise" and polyamory knocks on my door, I'll make sure to choose wisely.
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Re: The Polyamory/Polyfidelity Thread

Unread postby René » 8 March 2020, 09:31

Derek wrote:And why are threesomes so popular in porn? I don't like it.

I used to feel the same way, but mainly from a moral perspective. I would not have denied that there are fun things you could do in bed with three people. I was never open to experiencing them, particularly because the idea of a no-strings-attached threesome went against everything I believed in. And it still does. But what I've described is a way to experience such things with no sexual promiscuity or violation of commitment involved.

I won't deny I enjoyed seeing some such three-way sex acts in porn, even though I could never see myself taking part in them. The fact that the latter has changed played no part in my change in views, but it is a nice bonus for sure and something I'm looking forward to now. :D

I can also see there are sweet and loving things you can do in bed with three people that have nothing to do with sex, like cuddling and spooning with three people. With the person I mentioned in the OP, I believe he's the type of person who would love at night to sleep with his head on Brenden's chest while being the little spoon with me. :3

Revontulet wrote:Practical monogamy suits me best. I fully support monogamy and its importance which I find inviolable. Theoretically speaking, I'm not attracted to modify the rules of monogamy, just for the sake of prolonging relationship or making the intimacy more appealing if it involves random hookups and insignificant group sex encounters.

With all due respect, I do not like open relationships at all. If I find out one day that my potential significant other is like: "But I love you. It just a d*ck," I'll reply: "Okay, sis. You just bought an instant exclusive one way ticket to farewell... through the window. Happy landing and go hug a landmine." That's why I feel like advocacy of monogamy is sometimes worse than fighting windmills.

But, am I open to polyamory? Yes, on paper.

Personally, I find this quote a bit zany, but there is "an openness to any impulses that may arise within me at any time", if it means full emotional, sexual and creative commitment, accomplished in exclusive triad with equal representation of all three partners. What I wouldn't allow myself is to have any other type of other polyamorous or umbrella-term varieties. So, the next best thing after monogamy would be triadic polyfidelity, but only if I become brave enough for this step.

However, would I be involved in an relationship with a scenario like this: my boyfriend has a boyfriend and we all live happy together?

...

I don't know. Maybe I could have been. My ex was in a parallel relationship with me, and unbeknownst to me, with another guy. When I found out, he had already become determined to choose between the two, because he was afraid of having two boyfriends simultaneously. He could have talked with me before all of this mess, we all could have talked about the situation, we might have become poly of some sort. Or not. Who knows...

Anyhow, I will continue to prefer monogamy. I will strongly root for it. If "any impulses arise" and polyamory knocks on my door, I'll make sure to choose wisely.

With all due respect, did you even read my post? I am completely opposed to open relationships, random hookups and insignificant sex encounters (whether group or one on one). I would never say "it's just a dick" etc., and I'm also not talking about a situation in which my boyfriend or husband has another boyfriend. I'm talking precisely about that "full emotional, sexual and creative commitment, accomplished in exclusive triad with equal representation of all three partners".

And I did say I hate the fact that people associate this term, which literally specifies that it's about love, with having wild sex parties, NSA threesomes and open relationships.

Is it possible that you merely skimmed this thread and then posted replying to what you figured would probably be there? :P You may want to actually read it from the beginning. :)

It sounds like your vote should be that you are "a monogamist" but also "open to polyamory"! It actually sounds like you are theoretically possibly more open to certain forms of polyamory (i.e. where one person has two separate relationships with two different people, instead of three people having a single relationship all together) than I am!

Anyway, it's pretty clear that polyamory requires people with a specific mindset that not everyone can muster (what I suppose you are referring to as being "brave enough") and having reached a certain good place in their life/relationship that not everyone will reach. There is nothing wrong with that; I would just hope that people who are not in that position wouldn't judge people who are and for whom, personally, it just seems to make complete sense as something that could enrich their lives without involving any violation of commitment or risky NSA sex or anything like that. :keke:
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Re: The Polyamory/Polyfidelity Thread

Unread postby Revontulet » 8 March 2020, 22:36

Dear René, I do read what others post. I was fully aware of the things you would or wouldn't say and what were you talking in details.
What I felt is to write exactly all the details I personally wanted to mention.

Also, I do not use forums to skim, manipulate, point a finger or argue.

Case closed. :3 :P :keke: :heart: :)
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Re: The Polyamory/Polyfidelity Thread

Unread postby René » 8 March 2020, 22:45

Revontulet wrote:Dear René, I do read what others post. I was fully aware of the things you would or wouldn't say and what were you talking in details.
What I felt is to write exactly all the details I personally wanted to mention.

Also, I do not use forums to skim, manipulate, point a finger or argue.

Case closed. :3 :P :keke: :heart: :)

I see :P

I guess I was thrown off by you saying "With all due respect, I do not like open relationships at all."...which made it sound like someone had mentioned liking open relationships!
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Re: The Polyamory/Polyfidelity Thread

Unread postby Revontulet » 8 March 2020, 22:50

Hahahahahaha. Everything's fine.

Don't be. What I meant by that is: With all due respect - to all of those people who have an open relationship - but I don't like the type of it.

OK now. :)
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Re: The Polyamory/Polyfidelity Thread

Unread postby GearFetTwinkRomance » 9 March 2020, 01:11

Never was in a relationship, close to the real life based concept stage, nor in any position to consider this ever to take place in life. I guess I'm a lot alike Marmaduke's concept. I was even surprised a bit, to push the "I'm a monogamist" answer to 57%, as all in all of the queer people I've ever read and had chats or pen/mail contacts with, or, read about their ideas on it, was a huge nudge toward more or less polyamory, or polysexual an interest. As there were a lot of people interested in dick/ass - piece of tail-related ideas, I rather would have talked of polysexuality than to call it polyamory.
Which there's nothing wrong with, if just the people involved all are consenting and they know about one another.

One couple I know are married and live in a two ways open relationship. Means, they will have their own adventures and tell one another, or, share adventures in a predominantly sexual fashion rather than to call this love in serial threesomes, foursomes, more-somes. Seems to work out pretty well with them, and still they have some level of ... maybe call this inner fidelity, core fidelity.

My own idea always was like semi-permeable in a way. If I ever had found true love, I couldn't want the dude to dispense of certain desires they might have and what I would not be able to fulfill. For example, if they had some certain fetish that was not my liking at all, or, if they had a girlfriend. If he was my special love and he had sexual business with his woman only, that like of thing. I could not want of him to end his lady relationship to just be with me. So this is the semi-permeable side of accepting someone's freedom. I think that love may include wanting the other dude to be happy and free. I'm very aware of my handicap and certain body related inconvenience, let's call it disabilities, so if someone ever had found love toward me and vice versa, there would arise a situation of debt toward them in a way, I guess. So they should be able to roam about and find people that can fulfill these special needs.
May it be, he was like a vampire that would need a certain blood type every 4th night in order to survive, and I just had the wrong blood type, or something. It would not be love to have him drink just my own, but let him die demanding commitment and remind him to fidelity all the time.
Uhm...

I don't think I'm able to love more than one person in a partner related way. To me, all other persons outside of partner related love are just friends at the most. So I don't really understand the term that comes up in ads a lot, these times, saying "friendship plus" and what they mean, must be something alike polyamory of stripped down a version. So why don't they just call it polyamory? Be honest with their desires and ideas, makes it much easier.
Although I think I have noticed that many gay people don't or can't really distinguish friendship from promiscuity material or something. Or go the other way around and choose friendship only after one may be positive in the valid criteria for promiscuity material.

Most of these things probably just are too high for my brain capacity. :lol:
And I'll never be in that a situation. So if everyone else would be happy in theirs, I wish to them, all the best they can possibly make of it.
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If it so works out, go for it! :thumbsup:
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