The right time to tell my wife

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The right time to tell my wife

Unread postby Tilt » 4 March 2019, 08:20

Hi everyone

I'll get straight to the point. When is the right time to tell my wife that I am gay? For years since I was 14 I thought I was bisexual, but in the last year or so I have realised this isn't true (I'm 51 now). The thought of sleeping with a woman doesn't excite me anymore, let alone with my wife. I have met a few guys in the last few years and know what I want; a permanent relationship with a loving man.

Any ideas / experiences?
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Re: The right time to tell my wife

Unread postby ajakes124 » 4 March 2019, 09:48

I feel the best time would be sooner rather than later. To be honest this is a very sensitive topic and I think with the bond you have shared with your wife, you can’t really get the ideas from people who aren’t within that dynamic.
You never know, maybe she has always suspected it.. I know a guy who ended up being friends with his ex wife after he came out. They were co-parenting and had a nice, honest relationship.
I hope once you open up to your wife and explain yourself (which is something you owe to her since she dedicated so much of her life to you) you can still have some positive relationship.
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Re: The right time to tell my wife

Unread postby Jzone » 5 March 2019, 00:28

Everyone's situation is unique in some way, so it's not easy to give advice on a decision like this. I agree with ajakes. In general I would say the best time to tell your wife is 20 years ago; second best time is tomorrow.

Of course, there must be factors we don't know about. Do you have children? Could coming out affect your job/career? Do you and your wife own a home together? Does she work? Is she happy in the marriage? Ideally, those factors don't need to influence when you become honest with yourself and your wife about who you are and what you want in life. Hopefully you can both agree you are better off ending the marriage if you have no chance for feeling fulfilled there now.
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