This is how you know you are in Love.

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This is how you know you are in Love.

Unread postby Koftruecross » 5 May 2019, 18:49

You know you are in Love when your best friends tell you he's no good for you and you don't heed their advice. You know you are in love when you forgive him for shit that you would never ever put up with with anybody else. You know you are in Love when you have a huge argument with him and you tell him how much you hate him and the very next day you find yourself having sex with him in bed again. All this is true because Love is a form of mental illness. For me Love is a rare kind of thing. Over the course of 40 years I have only found one single solitary man I can Love like that. He's like an addictive substance such as tobacco, alcohol, cocaine or heroine in my system. Every time I have sex with him I know there's going to be Hell to pay later on. But I just can't quit him. And so it goes on and on.
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Re: This is how you know you are in Love.

Unread postby Marmaduke » 5 May 2019, 19:05

You’re confusing being in love with being in an unhealthy relationship. Love does not require you to put up with shit, have arguments or ignore the advice of life-long friends. That’s just what’s required when choosing to continue in an unhealthy relationship.

Don’t get me wrong, if that’s what you want, go for it. I’d never tell you not to eat McDonalds on health grounds. Why should I advise a grown adult towards healthier relationship choices if I wouldn’t take it upon myself to advise him towards healthier diet choices? They’re about as likely as each other to take years off of your life.

Love isn’t really comparable to mental illness. Addictive and destructive behaviour could be though.
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Re: This is how you know you are in Love.

Unread postby Koftruecross » 5 May 2019, 19:56

Corey and I are both disgnosed schizophrenics. I dont know. Maybe thats why our love is so self destructive. Whenever he goes off on a mental tangent it doesn't bother me. We both have tried to have relationships with sane people that have no mental illness. They always run when the first sign of trouble manifests itself. Also I was raised in a single mother household. Her favorite boyfriend was the one that treated her and me like shit. She didn't like the ones that treated us right. Maybe I have some of her in me. She was married about seven times. I lost count. I never had a parental example of a normal relationship. Corey and I can't live with each other and yet we can't live without each other. Corey's mother is far closer to my age. She's a cutter like me. We are good friends. My mother's shitty relationships caused me to be extremely cynical. I just grab what I can while the taking is good. And so does Corey. Corey and I use and abuse each other but neither of us cares. I frst hooked up with Corey when he was only 18. He's going to be 32 in June. I'm going to be 58 in a couple days.
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Re: This is how you know you are in Love.

Unread postby erti » 5 May 2019, 20:37

From one schizophrenic to another... just because he has schizophrenia doesn't mean he's the right one for you. What you described is toxic. It's not good for you and will make your mental illness worse than it already is.
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Re: This is how you know you are in Love.

Unread postby Jryski » 6 May 2019, 16:51

That sounds like an emotional rollercoaster of a relationship.
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Re: This is how you know you are in Love.

Unread postby Koftruecross » 6 May 2019, 17:15

I have had many lovers over the years but when it comes to sex none of them can compare to Corey. Even when he was only 18 he just seemed to instinctually know more about sex than the ones that were older. At 32 he still has a great body. Muscular shoulders and narrow waist. Blond hair, green eyes. Even just the scent of him sends me. He smells like chestnut trees in the spring. He showed me how to do sexual things I didn't know were possible. He's like a rabbit. He's ready for it at any time. When I was in my 20's I spent a lot of time in gay bars looking for him. It never occurred to me that that the one I was looking for would not be born until 1987. Then it wasn't until 2005 that I knew he was the one. For me it is strong combination of lust and love. I know it's not perfect. But for me he's as good as it can get.
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Re: This is how you know you are in Love.

Unread postby Jryski » 6 May 2019, 17:20

So, what is it about his personality that made you fall in love with him?
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Re: This is how you know you are in Love.

Unread postby Koftruecross » 6 May 2019, 17:41

It's bizarre. I am NOT a pedophile. I met Corey and his identical twin Clinton when they were only six. Of course I NEVER had sexual lust for him back then. He was just a little boy. He lived next door. The first time I met him he ran right up to me and gave me a hug. He was always affectionate. And his twin is cold as ice. He came to my door late one night when he was 16. I didn't even let him in. I drove him back to his parents. They had since moved away from next door. Even when he was 16 I didn't lust after him. Then the day he turned 18 all hell broke loose and we hooked up during a violent thunder storm. Corey has a Peter Pan syndrome. He never wants to grow up. He has an incredible sense of humor. He can make people laugh without making a fool of himself. Sometimes he makes a fool of them. He does crazy things like he stole the Pentecostal church bus and purposely smashed it into a tree. He's so full of life. He sprayed the ex con neighbour in the face with a garden hose and the ex con chased Corey for six blocks. I guess it's his ornery side that attracts me. When he and his twin were in school the teachers and the bus drivers HATED them. They were so bad in school. One of the main things that attracts me is that even though I am 26 years older than him I have known him for 20 years. We have a history. His parents and I were in the same social circles. This is a sparsely populated place.
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Re: This is how you know you are in Love.

Unread postby Jryski » 6 May 2019, 17:52

Sounds like you are attracted to chaos because that is your normal. High risk behavior is in no way, shape, or form safe or healthy. Your relationship sounds extremely codependent and chaotic as well. This kind of relationship is volatile and quite frankly, extremely detrimental to your mental health. I find it interesting that when you write about your partner, sex is the main thing you talk about. Then next is the chaotic moments but emotional connections aren't really mentioned at all. But if that's what you really want in life and you're happy then I'm not one to judge. Stay safe!
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Re: This is how you know you are in Love.

Unread postby Koftruecross » 6 May 2019, 17:58

The very first time Corey and I had sex was during what they called a Derecho Storm. It was the most destructive thunderstorm ever recorded in Appalachia. Twenty two people were killed and it knocked out the power for literally hundreds of miles around. A tree fell on the house while we were having sex. That storm is Corey personified. I get extremely manic and impulsive when things like that storm happened.
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Re: This is how you know you are in Love.

Unread postby Jryski » 6 May 2019, 18:09

Koftruecross wrote:The very first time Corey and I had sex was during what they called a Derecho Storm. It was the most destructive thunderstorm ever recorded in Appalachia. Twenty two people were killed and it knocked out the power for literally hundreds of miles around. A tree fell on the house while we were having sex. That storm is Corey personified. I get extremely manic and impulsive when things like that storm happened.


You seem like you need a hug so *virtual hugs*
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Re: This is how you know you are in Love.

Unread postby Koftruecross » 6 May 2019, 18:13

Thank you for the virtual hug.
When that tree fell on the house it knocked every dish out of the cupboard. Every picture fell off the wall. Everything that was on shelves came crashing down on the floor. We heard the tremendous sound of breaking glass and splintered wood. Corey said, "Don't Stop!" I said, "I couldn't stop even if I wanted to!"
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Re: This is how you know you are in Love.

Unread postby Jryski » 6 May 2019, 18:15

Oh ok.
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Re: This is how you know you are in Love.

Unread postby Koftruecross » 6 May 2019, 18:20

Sorry. That was too much information.
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Re: This is how you know you are in Love.

Unread postby Jryski » 6 May 2019, 18:23

Not really? I'm a fudanshi so I always ship guys being together. :) But I'm not sure if I buy your story anymore.
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Re: This is how you know you are in Love.

Unread postby Koftruecross » 6 May 2019, 18:30

Corey said the storm was supernatural. Even today he says he has magic powers. I think the only magic power he has is his hold on me. He gets furious if I tease him about his "magic. He's a faithful follower of Llewellyn's Moon Sign Book. Surprised me because that book was a fad back in the 1970's when I was still a teenager. I dabbled a bit in it myself when I was 16. Young people were interested in Hippie Mysticism back then. I Smoked too much pot and listened to to too much Led Zeppelin. Then I grew up.
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Re: This is how you know you are in Love.

Unread postby Eryx » 6 May 2019, 20:09

What you described isn't the definition of love, but I see where you were going... I don't think he's healthy for you, but from your previous and current interactions, it doesn't seem like you can, or want to, get him out of your life. So I wish you good luck and less tumultuous events. Happy birthday, by the way! :)
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