Too much?

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Too much?

Unread postby InternetShrink » 4 April 2020, 21:57

I text my best friend every morning something along the lines of, "Good morning, have a fantastic day!" He does seem appreciative of this. However, he knows I'm bi and I don't want him to think I'm flirting with him. Is sending him a text like this everyday too much or is it okay? I just don't want him to think I have a crush on him.
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Re: Too much?

Unread postby Marmaduke » 4 April 2020, 23:10

It’s certainly a lot, but we don’t have the requisite context on the relationship. You do, and you’re questioning yourself.

If you’re questioning it, or it’s making you anxious, it’s probably your subconscious telling you to dial it back a bit.

I’d dial it back a bit.
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Re: Too much?

Unread postby rxxli » 5 April 2020, 01:29

Have you tried asking? This isn't too personal of a question and should be easy to do, especially if he is a good friend.

In my opinion it seems a bit much in a friendship. But then again I would actually like it if somebody did that to me. Just as long as I knew that they only mean it in a friend way.
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Re: Too much?

Unread postby René » 5 April 2020, 08:35

It's cute :3 but my first instinct is to say... I actually do have a crush on this one guy, one who likes me too in fact, and I wouldn't dream of sending him a text message like that every day. By all means follow the advice given above, but IMHO it kinda has to be too much, at least outside the context of an established romantic relationship.

Also maybe comes across a little bot-like? :shrug:

But then, if he does seem appreciative of it... what do I know? :lol:
Hard to say if he's just being polite I guess.
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Re: Too much?

Unread postby Choicespecs » 5 April 2020, 09:04

That's a lot nicer than what my friendship group texts!

I think its really amicable, especially in this day and age its good to check in on people! Especially if he's appreciated it of them. I don't seem the harm in it.
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Re: Too much?

Unread postby PopTart » 5 April 2020, 09:15

I honestly don't think it's too much, if the friendship is of that nature that being in daily contact is normal. Or, if you are known as one of those people that is just super communicative.

If your uncertain, do as rxxli said and put the question to him in person and gauge his reaction.

Marmaduke might be right, in that you feel uncomfortable with it and perhaps that's worth examining. Are you doubting the platonic nature of your friendship? Has a third party made comment, that has given you reason to think that it's wrong to text a friend with a pleasant message every morning?

I'm guessing at some point, you wouldnt have given it any thought, why do you now?
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Re: Too much?

Unread postby rogonandi » 5 April 2020, 09:47

You want to bone him. ;)
Why are you?

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Re: Too much?

Unread postby Frigid » 5 April 2020, 16:57

How long has it been going on for?
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Re: Too much?

Unread postby InternetShrink » 5 April 2020, 19:27

Guys, thanks for the advice. It really helps.
PopTart wrote:Marmaduke might be right, in that you feel uncomfortable with it and perhaps that's worth examining. Are you doubting the platonic nature of your friendship? Has a third party made comment, that has given you reason to think that it's wrong to text a friend with a pleasant message every morning?

I'm guessing at some point, you wouldnt have given it any thought, why do you now?


You caught me. I will now shit my pants in front of you all :lol: I still live with my parents and I'm a momma boy so I tell my mom everything lmfao My mom says I need to give him space in general, that's why I'm asking you all. Now, I asked him if he wants space in general. He said he doesn't, but I wonder if he's not being a pacifist like he usually is.

rogonandi wrote:You want to bone him. ;)

Maybe. But unless he gives me a definitive sign that he's down to be my playground, I'm more than happy to have him as a best friend.

Frigid wrote:How long has it been going on for?

Our friendship? Almost 2 years. The texts? A few days.
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Re: Too much?

Unread postby PopTart » 5 April 2020, 19:40

If he says he is comfortable, give him the courtesy of taking him at his word. Just be sure to emphasise to him, that if he ever feels it's too much, to let you know, you wont be offended, I get the impression that would be true. ;)

As to your living at home with your mum. I wouldnt sweat it, alot of people do, it's become quite common here in the UK, housing prices and rental market make it hard for single people to move out. :nod:

I've often noticed that mums can give overtly cautious advice, or advice that heirs on the side of caution, they dont want their sons to risk embarrassment much of the time. Which is strange, as they are more than happy to be the source of that embarrassment. :lol:

If your friend says it's okay, you are comfortable with being in close contact and maintaining a platonic relationship, then I dont see a problem.

That said, the moment it seems you might be getting more emotionally invested, I would say, step back a bit. That's usually a good time to reassess the situation.
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Re: Too much?

Unread postby Marmaduke » 5 April 2020, 20:14

To play Devil's advocate against Poptart, and in support of your Mother - who I'm sure is a lovely lady, I shall call her Sue - I think carrying on and taking him as his word is probably not the answer. Especially if you know him to be a pacifist, and you're only a few days into this odd daily opening gambit.

Now that I know it has only been going on for a few days, this makes a lot more sense and you certainly seem less mentally unhinged.

We as a nation are in isolation. Our respective threads of social interation all hang decidedly thin. And in their absence, it can often feel instictive to make more of an effort to reconnect with people and find what ways you can to maintain social time of some sort with people you usually spend time with.

Where I think you need to be careful is to not take a relationship that is usually natural and quite free-form and conversational and try to structure it around a rigid and forumalic schedule. For instance by suddenly starting interaction the same way, at the same time, every day, where before you did not. Changes in behaviour throw people onto the back foot and whilst that's not immediately irksome, it has a pretty high chance of becoming tedious and instead of encouraging interaction, it'll discourage it.

You two are best friends. You became best friends without wishing him a beautiful day every day. Have faith that you can continue to be best friends without seemingly assuming that he'll think that you wish him ill unless you state otherwise at the start of the day. Just be friends, chat when you have something to talk about, don't force it when you don't.
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Re: Too much?

Unread postby Frigid » 5 April 2020, 20:31

If you’ve only just started it in the past couple of days and given your previous topic about him, just stop.
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Re: Too much?

Unread postby InternetShrink » 5 April 2020, 20:40

PopTart wrote:That said, the moment it seems you might be getting more emotionally invested, I would say, step back a bit. That's usually a good time to reassess the situation.

That's the problem. I do feel that I am getting too emotionally attached. It's weird. I value what we have more than anything. Yet, at the same time, I subconsciously want more. Fucking brain's always doing stupid shit! It's like my prefrontal cortex is underdeveloped :shrug: On that note, I ultimately want to be friends with him. So, I kind of understand that maybe I should dial it back.

Marmaduke wrote:I shall call her sue

I just fucking died
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Re: Too much?

Unread postby René » 5 April 2020, 20:47

You don't want him to think you have a crush on him, but you really do, don't you? :3
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Re: Too much?

Unread postby PopTart » 5 April 2020, 20:52

Marmaduke wrote:Where I think you need to be careful is to not take a relationship that is usually natural and quite free-form and conversational and try to structure it around a rigid and forumalic schedule. For instance by suddenly starting interaction the same way, at the same time, every day, where before you did not. Changes in behaviour throw people onto the back foot and whilst that's not immediately irksome, it has a pretty high chance of becoming tedious and instead of encouraging interaction, it'll discourage it.

There is something to this, I was going to put it to you Shrink, if you felt that your messages to your friend, were calculated or more free flow and natural, but the point I intended to make become moot with this....

InternetShrink wrote:
PopTart wrote:That said, the moment it seems you might be getting more emotionally invested, I would say, step back a bit. That's usually a good time to reassess the situation.

That's the problem. I do feel that I am getting too emotionally attached. It's weird. I value what we have more than anything. Yet, at the same time, I subconsciously want more. Fucking brain's always doing stupid shit! It's like my prefrontal cortex is underdeveloped :shrug: On that note, I ultimately want to be friends with him. So, I kind of understand that maybe I should dial it back.

This then is your answer.

Perhaps it's the enforced separation, or something else, that has given rise to a change on the nature of your feeling towards your friend. While you may want to remain friends above all else, your emotions may make that difficult. Distance at this point is probably the best way of managing the disruption to your friendship that your feelings are going to have.

I do have to caution that it's very hard to have a genuine friendship while having romantic feeling toward that someone. It also makes it more difficult to form other romantic prospects. So in this the caution of your mother and the others in this thread, is likely wise.
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Re: Too much?

Unread postby InternetShrink » 5 April 2020, 21:01

René wrote:You don't want him to think you have a crush on him, but you really do, don't you? :3

You should be an interrogator :P
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Re: Too much?

Unread postby Marmaduke » 5 April 2020, 21:09

Tell Sue we said she's welcome, and we'll happily support her in her parenting any time she needs us.
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Re: Too much?

Unread postby InternetShrink » 5 April 2020, 21:32

Marmaduke wrote:Tell Sue we said she's welcome, and we'll happily support her in her parenting any time she needs us.

She greatly appreciated it, as do I lol
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Re: Too much?

Unread postby Derek » 5 April 2020, 21:33

If a guy did that to me I would go into witness protection.
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Re: Too much?

Unread postby InternetShrink » 5 April 2020, 23:28

Derek wrote:If a guy did that to me I would go into witness protection.

lmao I feel you. However, I think he is more open to stuff like that because he's a huge softy. He didn't get much love and affection as a child, and he's made it quite vocal that he wants to feel appreciated. If you want to see just how "edgy" he is, check out his Soundcloud lol https://soundcloud.com/aarontappmusic/m ... ide-or-die
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