Unsure about our futire

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Unsure about our futire

Unread postby MarkyMarkJHB » 25 June 2020, 19:30

Hi all This going to be a long one…

Me 48 years young feeler, and my partner of 11 years is 36 years young and he is a logical brain. I am his first man ever. He is a Muslim man. We have been very happy together up until about 4 years ago where he told me that he wants to sleep with other men and he feels he can love more than one person

I entertained it for a while where firstly I arranged a threesome for us so that he could experience it. Where after I decided that this is not for me. We agreed that he would continue to find men on grindr and hook up with them. Everytime he went out it drove me crazy, I couldn’t handle it and we would start fighting because of my jeliousy. So about 3 months ago we decided that this should stop.

We both saw phycologists separately of course. He came home after his last session and told me that he is not attacked to me anymore because of all the fighting, but he does love me very much and he does not want to break up. Hence we are still together.

He used to be very affectionate towards me, but no more, I am the one who has to ask for a kiss, I have to ask for a hug, I even have to ask for sex, and when that does happen he doesn’t want to suck me off, he would rather just give me a handy if you know what I mean. This is really hurtful when I can feel that he really doest want to engage sexually. So what I’ve decided is that I will not give him any sex until he initiates it.

What I’m asking is will he every be attracked to me again no matter how much affection I give him and I do give him a lot he is my world I do everything for him. Also he still talks about meeting other men for a hookup.

What do I do??
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Re: Unsure about our futire

Unread postby Frigid » 26 June 2020, 04:16

He wants a different relationship dynamic than you. There will only be continuing resentment on both your parts until either a) one of your changes fundamentally or b) you realise you’ve outgrown the relationship and move on to both be happy.
poolerboy0077 wrote:Aren’t you a vegetarian? I hear your people’s farts are quite lethal. It doesn’t matter much if a volcano’s lip is clean when there lava pit is ready to burst at any unexpected moment.
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Re: Unsure about our futire

Unread postby René » 26 June 2020, 04:48

I've been in a situation with my husband that started out quite similarly but resolved in a way that made us both happier than ever before, without ever splitting up. I wonder if it's too late for you two to end up taking a similar path...

MarkyMarkJHB wrote:We have been very happy together up until about 4 years ago where he told me that he wants to sleep with other men and he feels he can love more than one person

In any event, I think we need to separate two things:
  • he wants to sleep with other men
  • he feels he can love more than one person
There's a huge difference between wanting to sleep around and being able to have romantic love for more than one person at the same time.

You've only really talked about the hooking-up-with-other-men part.

Am I understanding correctly that aside from that, he is also interested in bringing a third person into your loving relationship in the long term?
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Re: Unsure about our futire

Unread postby MarkyMarkJHB » 26 June 2020, 08:04

Hey Rene,, no he doesn't want to bring a 3rd person in, he wants to have sexual experiences with other men. My concern is that these sexual experiences turn into love. He gets infatuated by man and he starts changing his appearance because the guy told him it looks better that way.
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Re: Unsure about our futire

Unread postby René » 26 June 2020, 13:48

MarkyMarkJHB wrote:Hey Rene,, no he doesn't want to bring a 3rd person in, he wants to have sexual experiences with other men. My concern is that these sexual experiences turn into love. He gets infatuated by man and he starts changing his appearance because the guy told him it looks better that way.

So when he said he feels he can love more than one person, that was just code for sex? That's not good...

Frigid is probably right.

Personally, I got to the point where I can watch my husband have sex with another guy and love it. But part of the reason I got there was that he gave me cause to have complete trust in him and in the fact that our relationship will be lifelong.
And actually, with that guy we had our threesome with, we all cuddled together before and after the sex and slept in each other's arms and kept seeing each other and in the end, I was the one who got a crush on him first, and we all developed feelings for each other, which I encouraged, and he ended up being our boyfriend, and my husband hasn't had any desire to hook up with another guy again and actually wants us all to be exclusive now that we're building this three-way long-term (again hopefully lifelong) relationship. But obviously that was only possible because when my husband said he feels he can love more than one person, he was serious and didn't mean he just wanted to sleep around. (Details are in this thread and this thread if you're interested in reading more about what happened in our case.)

It sounds like your partner isn't mature enough and what he wants isn't compatible with having a stable long-term relationship... with you or anyone else.
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Re: Unsure about our futire

Unread postby MarkyMarkJHB » 26 June 2020, 14:09

I agree that he isn't mature enough, when it come to this. He is like a 16 year old girl that gets crushes on anyone he finds attractive. He watches alot of porn and he thinks this is reality and this is how his life should be.
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Re: Unsure about our futire

Unread postby Eryx » 26 June 2020, 21:17

- He's not attracted to you.
- He doesn't want to have sex with you.
- He's still into other guys after you said you don't like it.

It's time to break up and find someone who will love you back. It's hard for things to go back to normal when they reach this point.
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