Weird issue with prospective relationships

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Weird issue with prospective relationships

Unread postby GrumbleMumble » 17 October 2020, 05:13

Hello,

None of my prospective relationships move forward beyond a point and for the same reason each time and I simply cannot figure out why. I should add that I am only looking for insight, not moral judgment:

So, either at work or outside, I will meet a dude who is clearly interested in me for more than a platonic friendship. If I find him attractive, I respond in kind (usually it is not particularly clear who has shown interest first) and we try to move it forward. We may meet for lunch or in the gym or some other social activity to get to know each other. These are almost always something I have to initiate - maybe everytime. At best, the other guy might just plant the seed of an idea but will not take any further steps. He may broadly hint at lunch or show interest when I talk about going to the gym but will not suggest that we do the activity together. Then we hang out together for some activity on my initiative. I usually do something like appear to be looking for lunch company at the last minute so that it appears completely accidental and not a pre planned action on my part. Make it appear casual.

Anyway we become friends and the mutual interest is obvious but nothing moves forward because I am always the one who has to initiate and I get tired of it. It is like I am playing with a doll!

Few things to add:

I am not very experienced in gay relationships. The last I had was many years ago in my country. I am an immigrant and non-white. I am in a majority white country. No, I am not suggesting racism on their part.

There is no language barrier at all. This is an English speaking country.

What is going on here? Why does the other individual not ever take any initiative but really, really wants me to do all the lifting? There have been situations where we were very close to making something happen but it did not because neither of us took any action.

This might sound nuts but if anyone has any insights, I would be grateful.
Last edited by GrumbleMumble on 17 October 2020, 17:21, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Weird issue with prospective relationships

Unread postby Eos » 17 October 2020, 07:05

Since you're already with someone, that could explain why 80 % of the people you meet would never dare to initiate something intimate. The rest probably lack confidence. I'm guessing (but perhaps I'm wrong) that you are hiding this from your partner, which definitely won't help them to feel confident about this.

Also that is not of my business, but I hope your partner agreed to an open relationship. If it is complicated with him you should be totally honest or it could be devastating for both of you.
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Re: Weird issue with prospective relationships

Unread postby Eryx » 19 October 2020, 17:22

I don't think he said at any point that he's already in a relationship...
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Re: Weird issue with prospective relationships

Unread postby Eos » 20 October 2020, 19:39

Eryx wrote:I don't think he said at any point that he's already in a relationship...

I definitely read that. He edited his message after mine, I don't recognize his text anyway. Anyway, with no response after so much time he had a lot of time to correct me.
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Re: Weird issue with prospective relationships

Unread postby PopTart » 23 October 2020, 17:09

I can confirm that this person had originally admitted to being married and that a good few of the men he met, were also married.

I suspect that's the reason he said he wasn't looking for judgement.
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