Well, I'm single again

After a long talk last night, my long-distance bf and I decided that it'd be best to revert back to just being friends. The stresses of long-distance were just too much and we both decided we weren't in a good position to continue our course. We'll remain in touch and if fate will have it we might try again down the road if circumstances change, but I'm kind of glad in the end that it turned out this way instead of dragging out and turning ugly later.

Certainly less painful than my previous LDR where they dumped me out of nowhere and blocked all communication before I even had a chance to respond so I'm very grateful we came to a mature decision with grace and peace.

So now I'm kind of just, focusing on other things in my life. Haven't had actual sex for a few years at this point so maybe I'll see if there's some fun to be had with a guy or two as I'd really like to have the real thing again instead of just text and webcam (would be a good opportunity to try that threesome I've fantasied for so long in particular), but beyond that I'm content to settle back into the single life for the time being.

René wrote:Glad you seem to be okay and feeling positive about the future

How did he take it?

He probably took it better than I did. He knew it was coming for a while as I had expressed concerns over the past couple months. I even asked him to answer how he truly felt about the situation and he was in agreement that going back to friendship status was the best choice for us both. All in all, it was handled very smoothly.

Out of desperation (REALLY want some goddamn cock) I made a Grindr profile last night.

...And deleted it after 10 minutes. Not so much because I got scared but, I'm just not "ready" in the sense of looking presentable. Need to lose weight, need to figure out how to efficiently shave down there (have tried in the past and let's just say it went poorly, need to find proper equipment) and the biggest reason is the fact I'm still with my folks and already stay home 90% of the time so inexplicably being absent for a number of hours would raise suspicion, especially when that's how I got away with my first time several years ago only for me to confess what happened months later due to an HIV scare and not knowing where to get tested (had one of those weird month-long colds and made the mistake of diagnosing yourself though Google ). Turned out negative thankfully.

Oh and the virus but, to be frank (here's where one of my unpopular opinions I've alluded to in Introductions comes in), I've stopped worrying about it since May, in fact for all I know I already had it in January to begin with. Not that it stops most others from still thinking it's the lovechild of ebola and the black plague though so why bother trying to get my ass out there (literally) anyway at this point...

René wrote:Why? Men have body hair. Being hairless "down there" looks really silly and weird IMHO and is definitely not a prerequisite for meeting guys on Grindr.

Not hairless, just trim down my bush (it's very long and spindly to the point where half my shaft has hair, pretty gross). In case someone goes down on me I'd rather they not get a mouthful of pubes ya know?

Plus I lowkey feel very sexy when I'm clean-shaven down there.

VagrantMenagerie wrote:

René wrote:Why? Men have body hair. Being hairless "down there" looks really silly and weird IMHO and is definitely not a prerequisite for meeting guys on Grindr.

Not hairless, just trim down my bush (it's very long and spindly to the point where half my shaft has hair, pretty gross). In case someone goes down on me I'd rather they not get a mouthful of pubes ya know?

Plus I lowkey feel very sexy when I'm clean-shaven down there.

I kind of agree with you there. When I blow a guy I can only get about 4 or 5 inches of it in my mouth. I don't mind hairy balls and in the pubic area, but definitely not the shaft of the cock. I'm a swallower and on more than one occasion I've had a hair in my mouth as I'm swallowing his load 🤢

I've been sleeping terribly the past couple days... idk if it's entirely because of becoming single again or what but, I've definitely been feeling wave after wave of conflicting emotions.

It's like, I'm free to see other men and finally release some very pent up sexual frustration, but I'm in a bad situation to try that right now due to not living alone, I'm worried about catching something (there are potentially far worse things to get than COVID when gay sex is involved let's be honest here) and there's the duality of not wanting to just become a whore and actually getting with someone in a meaningful way but still wanting to fulfill the physical desires I've harbored for so long. Pile all that on top of some classic social awkwardness that has always had me rarely leaving the house "before it was cool" too.

And then of course there's the elephant in the room of finding another guy who's into cock while also sharing at least some interests and (as has become a goddamn necessity in this day and age) similar worldviews regarding the heavy topics in terms of serious relationship stuff.

In all sense of reason, I really should NOT be worrying about all this bullshit for a while due to several factors, but that void presence you sense when you're freshly out of a relationship is hard to ignore...