What do you think about open gay relationship?

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Re: What do you think about open gay relationship?

Unread postby mxguy01 » 21 December 2018, 17:56

Ok, so I'll drop the poking fun at the "I have a friend" routine. That taught me it was more effort than it was worth. How do people write pages of that and get it right IDK.

I'm pretty convinced I'm Poly. I have two. I only want those two. I have no desire to go hookup with anything else. The two give me everything I want and desire not only from a sexual experience but also a mental on. The poly situation enables me to actually function on that level - a deep relationship. If I try it, being committed only to one, it's really me that can't deal with that in both BF cases. Both have come to understand that a bit.

I really need to tell both about this. Both think I want to be "open" and that is not really the case. I'd so rather not be doing hookups; neither as a regular practice or "something on the side" crap. I really like relationships. But that is just kind of it now, plural.

In the case of the one BF I think when he completely understands it will actually work better for him too. Not going into those reasons since they are really only about him.

In the case of the other BF I think that is the one I would most worry about being able to handle it. He will definitely agree to it; just have some doubts that he could handle it. Time will tell on that one.

It's a bit weird to me because I was convince I could be that committed to one person but it is not in me anymore. I would never have thought of myself to be poly or be able to handle poly. But now I'm pretty sure it is yes to both of those now.
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Re: What do you think about open gay relationship?

Unread postby GearFetTwinkRomance » 21 December 2018, 21:25

Two guys I know living in Vancouver, live in an open relationship. They share their adventures sometimes, and it's working. So I think this can work out, if the right people come together, why not?

I used to strongly believe in monogamy and marriage to the one guy, if it was love. Build up a life together and maybe adopt kids, work at the future of being a couple.
I think, though, it must be very rare to meet such a person, willing to commit to monogamy. Already seems to be very rare, that guys fall in romantic love.

If one can't give everything the other wants, I think I could understand, if he went to get these things some place else. ( in hypothesis, that is meant) I would not ask of him to suppress his needs or such.
For example, you click on every plane and life is great together, but he likes some SM and you absolutely don't. So, no compromise possible. He could go get it with some other fellow, if he came home for love. If he doesn't like hunting, I would not drag him along - although I'd rather pick a guy who likes hunting, fishing and the outdoors like I do, if I could. In hypothesis, of course. Out of that age.
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Re: What do you think about open gay relationship?

Unread postby Eryx » 22 December 2018, 11:12

I'm sure there is. Everyone settles down at some point.
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Re: What do you think about open gay relationship?

Unread postby Chris94 » 2 January 2019, 05:04

I would never be able to do open relationship.

I dont mind if some people like it but personally i would never be able to handle having my boyfriend having other partners as well beside just me.
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Re: What do you think about open gay relationship?

Unread postby Unat1244 » 4 January 2019, 22:05

Hey!

So I'm completely new to this forum but was looking for a thread specifically about gay, open relationships. Let me tell you why:

I'm currently in a relationship with someone who I truly believe is "the one". However, I am mid-20's while he just became 20 and we had a bit of rough start. He clearly has difficulty committing this early on in his life (which I totally get). We've been in a relationship for a year now, and after about two months he settled down (some mistakes were made but that's water under the bridge), but I couldn't shake the feeling that it was exactly that for him: just settling. In addition, I myself had only been out for about a half year before meeting him, so I also feel like I haven't really had time to "explore". Also, we both have a lot of self-esteem issues, particularly from my side. This leads to quite a lot of worrying, and fearing the one day one of us is going to make a mistake that will end it all. We both feel we are creating a relationship in which we are to interdependent, which automatically leads to fears of abandonment.

So, during the past holidays we started talking about an open relationship, with the sole purpose of gaining self-esteem, allowing ourselves explore some more and overall improving our relationship. Obviously, we are both excited but also a bit worried about how this will develop, so if there is interest on this forum I can post how everything is going. For me this has a clear benefit, since I get to "write out" any emotions and maybe get some support, for any readers it can provide insights as to how these relationships work, their pros and cons and enable readers to determine if it is something for them.

Just to give you an idea of the current situation. We completely trust each other, are transparent of our emotions and desires. We have been writing down some ground rules (I know, it sounds formal) for our open relationship. We have decided to both take this into consideration and decide on either going for it or staying in a "normal" relationship within the next week.

If there is significant interest (please reply to indicate so) I will keep you posted.

Love to all, Rob
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Re: What do you think about open gay relationship?

Unread postby Bender » 5 January 2019, 17:03

No thanks
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Re: What do you think about open gay relationship?

Unread postby Unat1244 » 5 January 2019, 21:16

K.
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Re: What do you think about open gay relationship?

Unread postby Vertical » 13 January 2019, 15:06

The favourite pastime of most men is a sport that is often practised between the sheets, mostly with one or two participants; connoisseurs recommend threesomes while orgies make it difficult to determine the exact number. Are athletes supposed to be in love with each other, or to be married to each other? Of course not.
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Re: What do you think about open gay relationship?

Unread postby betonhaus » 14 January 2019, 01:49

I think I might be open to an open relationship, but I think I'd prefer to stick with a few close friends that me and my partner share, even if just as friends. It'd be fun being able to have a shirtless party night where everyone gets to use the bedroom.
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Re: What do you think about open gay relationship?

Unread postby Eryx » 21 January 2019, 19:35

Unat1244 wrote:Hey!

So I'm completely new to this forum but was looking for a thread specifically about gay, open relationships. Let me tell you why:

I'm currently in a relationship with someone who I truly believe is "the one". However, I am mid-20's while he just became 20 and we had a bit of rough start. He clearly has difficulty committing this early on in his life (which I totally get). We've been in a relationship for a year now, and after about two months he settled down (some mistakes were made but that's water under the bridge), but I couldn't shake the feeling that it was exactly that for him: just settling. In addition, I myself had only been out for about a half year before meeting him, so I also feel like I haven't really had time to "explore". Also, we both have a lot of self-esteem issues, particularly from my side. This leads to quite a lot of worrying, and fearing the one day one of us is going to make a mistake that will end it all. We both feel we are creating a relationship in which we are to interdependent, which automatically leads to fears of abandonment.

So, during the past holidays we started talking about an open relationship, with the sole purpose of gaining self-esteem, allowing ourselves explore some more and overall improving our relationship. Obviously, we are both excited but also a bit worried about how this will develop, so if there is interest on this forum I can post how everything is going. For me this has a clear benefit, since I get to "write out" any emotions and maybe get some support, for any readers it can provide insights as to how these relationships work, their pros and cons and enable readers to determine if it is something for them.

Just to give you an idea of the current situation. We completely trust each other, are transparent of our emotions and desires. We have been writing down some ground rules (I know, it sounds formal) for our open relationship. We have decided to both take this into consideration and decide on either going for it or staying in a "normal" relationship within the next week.

If there is significant interest (please reply to indicate so) I will keep you posted.

Love to all, Rob
I'm interested! Hope you come back and stick around.

At that age, I think open relationships might actually be beneficial if you both think you should get to see more of the world and meet other people. When I was 18 ~ 22 I was in my first relationship, with the guy I lost my virginity to, and that didn't really work out because of similar insecurities as yours. So I think there's a time our lives for everything.

Not everyone is like that. Some people become adults and instantly want to be involved with someone for life, but others might need some more time to figure things out before they can say they're interested in developing a long-lasting relationship. That might be you guys' case.

How are things going for you two since you last posted? Also don't feel intimidated by some replies on here, people can be a little rude sometimes, I often chalk it up to their day not having been that great. :shrug:
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Re: What do you think about open gay relationship?

Unread postby Shaved-Nudist » 21 January 2019, 21:22

I have 3 nudist guys that I get together with. Our relationship is more like a family one and it works well for us.
Try living nude!
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Re: What do you think about open gay relationship?

Unread postby Brasileiro » 21 January 2019, 21:56

I am fine with any type of relationship as long as all people involved know what they signed up to and can get out whenever they please.
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Re: What do you think about open gay relationship?

Unread postby Unat1244 » 27 January 2019, 08:38

So, small update since there was some interest after all. About two weeks ago we were having dinner and decided to go ahead and start the open relationship. We both downloaded Grindr and decided that I was the one that “would go first”.

After dinner, I just started having a terrible feeling, like was about to lose the love of my life... (I know, I’m dramatic). It kind of felt like my relationship was going the exact opposite way compared to where I wanted it to go. Instead of stabilizing and taking steps like moving in together, we we taking the steps the wrong way I felt. I know this isn’t rational, but just couldn’t help feeling this way.

Basically, I had a terrible night and didn’t sleep at all. The next morning we decided it maybe wasn’t such a good idea after all, since I was having such a rough time. Now we’ve put that aspect of our relationship on pause, but have decided to look into moving in together.I’m not sure that’ll work out, but we’ll see:).

I’m still thinking of the open relationship, because I feel I would kind of like it, and my boyfriend really needs it..... I just hope that I can get over that terrible feeling.... if someone has tips that would be great!

Love to all,

Rob
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Re: What do you think about open gay relationship?

Unread postby Brasileiro » 27 January 2019, 10:12

Unat1244 wrote:I’m still thinking of the open relationship, because I feel I would kind of like it, and my boyfriend really needs it..... I just hope that I can get over that terrible feeling.... if someone has tips that would be great!

You have to remember that any commitment towards eachother does not have to be desturbed because you or your partner have sex with others. There is more to a relationship than sex. It is not like you are losing what you have together.
But I would leave it to opportunity and not go out seeking it. It is just that if you get the opportunity and you are allowed to, you do not need to feel guilty.
Mind you, being allowed to sleep with others can also work quite the opposite way, like you do not want it anymore. Part of the excitement around it has gone.
Just knowing that you have that freedom might be enough.

Also remember that you can not make someone love you or make someone be monogamous. It is what it is. You can only decide if you can work with what you get and stay or not and leave. Moving in together, and even marriage, does not atomatically mean imprisonment or chains attached to eachother.... It is still about commitment and wanting, needing and loving eachother.
A partner can always fall in love with someone else while in a relationship. Or wanting out even if there is no-one else. It is not like that chance is any bigger in an open relationship.
And actually having a lot of freedom usually works better than restriction.

If you feel your boyfriend needs it, I personally would (and always have) give him that freedom or you might lose him anyway to someone else who does give him freedom.
One can not keep someone to yourself if they do not want you (anymore) unless you use mental and /or physical force against the other, in which case the other is not happy and there is no equality. and if the other does not love you, is it worth holding on to?
The only chance is making the other realise how awesome you are, so the other does not want to lose you.

It is not necessary that you have sex with others just because he has. You should do it because you want it, not because you feel you should. Just because you get equal rights does not mean you have to use them in the same way. It just means you cán.
Leaving it to opportunity is a great way to not have any pressure. No need for hook up apps.

If people break up over open relationships (or any other issue, to be honest), they were not meant for eachother anyway and better off without that partner.

Anyway, good luck with your next step and I hope things work out beautifully.
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Re: What do you think about open gay relationship?

Unread postby poolerboy0077 » 27 January 2019, 16:34

Eryx wrote:I'm sure there is. Everyone settles down at some point.

Everyone has kids at some point.

Everyone gets married at some point.

Everyone owns a home at some point.

Everyone becomes conservative later in life at some point.
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Re: What do you think about open gay relationship?

Unread postby Eryx » 27 January 2019, 23:52

What point are you trying to make?
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Re: What do you think about open gay relationship?

Unread postby poolerboy0077 » 28 January 2019, 00:38

That everyone makes these kinds of assertions...at some point...as though they’re inevitable facts of life when in reality it’s mostly projection.
Blow: "Nowadays even Liam can release an album of his screechy vocals and it'll probably go #1..."
Ramzus: I can admit that I'm horny just about 24/7
homomorphism: I used to not think your name was deshay and that Erick was just being racist
Hunter: sometimes I think I was literally born to be a pornstar
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Re: What do you think about open gay relationship?

Unread postby Stardust » 28 January 2019, 10:58

I've got to agree with pooler here. General statements about how people live their lives don't necessarily reflect the reality of personal experience.
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