What does “go with the flow” means?

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What does “go with the flow” means?

Unread postby Zurdoknoc » 13 February 2019, 22:51

Met a nice guy for a hook up. We had fun. After that we ended up getting to know each other more and more and going out once in a while. We have had some light physical contact line light kissing and cuddling. He is out of a 5 year relationship (maybe over 7-8 months out of it now) and we have been seei eachother for 4. I think he is not ready to any commitment because he seems to be the type that likes to “go with the flow and don’t put labels”. I am more open to show my affections attraction to him. He has said that he is not there yet for a boyfriend because he wants to make sure he does not fall in the same hole as before. I have not asked for anything. We are hanging out at his place this Saturday and I will have a conversation with him to clearly know where do we stand. Go with the flow might mean many things. Should I talk to him? I have enjoyed this slow “hanging out together ” as he calls it since it has made me realize that I don’t need the rush I am used to and it la been more enjoyable to get to know him better ( I still don’t know him well to start dating or a relationship in the future. I just wanted to know if someone has experienced something similar where things took a while to develop and evolve in the next steps beyond friendship.
Thanks to all in advance.
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Re: What does “go with the flow” means?

Unread postby Vertical » 14 February 2019, 12:21

I just wanted to know if someone has experienced something similar where things took a while to develop and evolve in the next steps beyond friendship.

He has said that he is not there yet for a boyfriend

Isn’t that clear enough?
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Re: What does “go with the flow” means?

Unread postby Brasileiro » 14 February 2019, 12:51

You can not force someone to be a boyfriend the way you like it. If you have been dating him for 4 years in a sort of romantic but not really sexual way, then maybe that is just the way it will be forever and there might be another reason than commitment fear. Like him being HIV+ or something else that can affect you when having sex. He could just be ultra safe.....

Or, nobody will ever live up to what he had.
I am sort of experiencing that now. We broke up (on good terms) after 6 years of a struggling relation. There was no lack of love, just a lot of obstacles that even with counselling and all, were hard to deal with (all my part, my past, my suddenly being disbaled) and I feel it is fair if he had a chance of meeting someone "normal" to spend the rest of his life with. I was his first and i feel he shuld get a notion of how different it can be.
I left the country, am staying with a lady friend that I have know for a long time and recently started dating again.
And I must say it feels highly uncomfortable and I have to keep reminding me that he is my date and supposed to touch me.
Kissing makes me uncomfortable, it feels like cheating, although at the same tme it feels good, one can not help physical reactions.
I can not describe it better but I can not see myself having sex with him.
In the mean time he is a very lovely guy, we go to the cinema, we dine out, we hold hands and it is all fun and nice, but I can not see myself ever being his boyfriend or having sex with him...
Just because my heart is still with my ex and I compare everything with what I had with him. Maybe this will change over time, but as for now, I can totally relate to people who do not want to dive in a next relation.
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Re: What does “go with the flow” means?

Unread postby Zurdoknoc » 14 February 2019, 14:24

I never said I want a boyfriend or I want that. Actually have not even thought about it. And we have been seeing eachother for 4 months. Not 4 years. We kiss and hug while alone. I remember when I was out of my last relationship, I didn’t want to even be asked out. My post was about if someone has experienced a slow development of things with someone who was a complete stranger in your life.
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Re: What does “go with the flow” means?

Unread postby ajakes124 » 14 February 2019, 14:25

I totally get the comparing to ones ex thing. It took me almost 2 years to get over my first bf and everyone I dated in that time, I compared to him.
But I don’t think this guy would continue seeing you if he wasn’t over his ex. From my experience, if I compared someone to my ex (even with sex involved) I always found a reason to end it. Either from knowing it wasn’t fair for the other person, or just not seeing a future with that person
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Re: What does “go with the flow” means?

Unread postby Zurdoknoc » 14 February 2019, 14:37

Trust me. I am completely different than his ex: I am 43. He was 26. I am an architect who support totally myself. The ex wAs a gold digger. I don’t cheat. The ex did. And as a note on the side, this guy I am seeing and talking about on this post is also an architect. So our conversations never end regardless we talk about architecture or not.
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Re: What does “go with the flow” means?

Unread postby Brasileiro » 14 February 2019, 17:15

I can tell you were we went wrong. You say, (read it back)" He is out of a 5 year relationship... and we have been seei eachother for 4."
So I read that as 4 years.

And "I just wanted to know if someone has experienced something similar where things took a while to develop and [b]evolve in the next steps beyond friendship.[b]"
To me that sounded as if you want that.
I am sorry that I got it totally wrong.

Before now, I never had slow developments. I pretty much had sex with all my friends, I guess, and some became lovers. My boyfriends were my boyfriends from day one. Or three, the most.
And friends I do not have sex with, will always be just friends. Mostly because they are female or not in the same country.

But just to be curious, how would you react if he announced he had a boyfriend/girlfriend?
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Re: What does “go with the flow” means?

Unread postby Zurdoknoc » 14 February 2019, 19:19

I would not be surprised but he doesn’t since he said he is not seeing anyone.
How old are you btw?
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Re: What does “go with the flow” means?

Unread postby Brasileiro » 14 February 2019, 20:18

Zurdoknoc wrote:I would not be surprised but he doesn’t since he said he is not seeing anyone.
How old are you btw?

I meant including in the future. And what your feelings would be, not how likely it would be. I am trying to find out what he means to you. ;)

I am 26. I had my first boyfriend when I was 11. I have been abused throughout my childhood until I was 16 and sex used to be meaningless to me. I had hundreds of guys. Only with my last two boyfriends was of another level, especially with my last one.
I had loads of therapy and counselling around relationships, love and sex, because I am all wired wrong and it affects my life, especially my lovelife.
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Re: What does “go with the flow” means?

Unread postby Zurdoknoc » 16 February 2019, 23:30

Guess what....guy wants to spend the evening tonight together. Grab a bite...he mentioned something sexual ..he had been more open to his own issues than before ....I’m going to his place tonight ...stay tuned
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