What's cheating?Have you ever been cheated on? How does it affect you?

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What's cheating?Have you ever been cheated on? How does it affect you?

Unread postby Kemontol » 8 October 2021, 18:03

I think there's quite a discussion on what can be categorized as cheating. For some, watching porn is a form of cheating. Others, would call it cheating only when ones got caught.

For me, cheating is when one of the party involved on the partnership break a "contract" without asking for permission to do so.
This means that the definitions and the practices of cheating widely vary depends on each relationship.

Anyway, I was in a 9 years relationship with this person who was my first of everything (kiss, sex, date, relationship) and I ended it because I could not fulfill his expectations (I lost, or never have, motivation and drives to live life. I have no ambition and might have depression). I quitted my job and moved back to live in the same city again with my ex (we started dating when I was a student and had an LDR when I got a job in a different city). Struggling to find a new job and motivate myself to find one, I think he lost his patient and interest in me. I became a burden for his mind and I believe he tried his best not to think about me rotting away just to be more embarassing to show to others.
Oh, we live in a conservative and religious society. Our sexuality and relationship were kept in secret from other people unless few who were our closest friends.
He was quite a driven person. Quite ambitious. And I think he still is. Meaning he had a lot of more urgent issues to dealt with rather than constantly being worried about me. He needed to be wealthy enough so that he can be powerful so people can't mess with him. (You can easily buy things here with money).

He couldn't quite grasp what I was struggling with and looked down on me. I was heartbroken to see the disappointment in his eyes that I couldn't live up to my potential. I was smart and very active when we first met. He was probably still holding on to that image of me.

So, I initiated the break up. I did still love him and I probably still am. I told him that I still loved him but I can no longer bear the pain and that it would probably be better if we were no longer together. He was so upset and told me that he had already lost any feelings for me.

We were still in contact after the break up. Asking each other what's up and tried to started business together. He canceled his partnership when I've spent up all my savings for it. I cursed myself.

He tried to contact me again. Then I found out he had been hiring prostitutes while we were in LDR. He was always against open relationship and will never forgive me if I was the one cheating in the relationship. I honestly started feeling stupid summing this up and revisiting what has happened. And I still loved the bastard. I wasn't upset about him cheating on me. I decided to not forgive him while I actually wasn't angry about him cheating. I chose to act logical. The guy has had many times screwed me over with his lies. I told him I was angry and don't want to talk to him anymore. He then told me not to contacted him anymore and asked me to pay him for a medical expenses he paid for my surgery (I had a tonsillectomy in quite a lux hospital because he didn't want me to do it in any hospital and he paid for it - it was about my 3 month salaries). That was the time that I found out he counted his spending for me. I agreed and told him that it will take a bit of time before I could pay.

Few months later he tried to contact me again. We went out every few months. I guess I am pretty stupid to still have feelings for the guy. He also told me that he still loves me but he kept saying it's not going to work (not that I asked to get back together again).

That was quite a long text.
Anyway.... I actually felt nothing about his betrayal. He hurted me quite often in power play when we were still together. Probably I was already numb from all the pain getting bullied by my own father and the only person I ever cared about.

I can still love a person. Can I still trust? I think I do. But I haven't met one who needed my trust since the break up. I've developed some new crushes and not take any actions. I'm still in no shape to be in any relationship or I'll just be a burden again.

So... that was my story. Tell us yours.
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