What's your relationship with your father like?

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What's your relationship with your father like?

Unread postby Koftruecross » 23 February 2019, 23:11

My father did his level best to raise me as a manly man.. For example I was about 10 years old and he said ,"Get on that horse!" I said, "Daddy that horse is gonna kill me if I get on him." My father said, "Either you get on that horse or I'm gonna beat you with a BELT!" So I obeyed him and about a half hour later I woke up in the hospital and the doctor was putting stitches in the side of my head.. That wasn't the only time I went to the hospital as a result of being obedient to my father.. I came to HATE raising beef cattle and horses.. I loved art. I wanted to paint and draw.. Then deer hunting season would come along and I would think," OH FUCK! Now I gotta go with my Dad and freeze my ass off on the some God forsaken mountain trying to shoot a god damned deer. And haul it's stinking carcass down the mountain.. Learning all about how to shoot guns and raising livestock.. My Dad put a HARD edge on me to the point people say to me "I can't believe you're GAY!" You don't look gay and you don't act Gay." A lot of women say that to me..
I know it's strange but when I look back on how my dad raised me I have to laugh at the trials of masculinity he put me through.. I find it funny now.
When I got out on my own I totally shunned any gay man that was old enough to be my father.. And I didn't have any patience for long term relationships. If my lover came to me with their problems I didn't want to hear about it..
And now when I see a young man take his first shot of whiskey and he coughs and sputters I laugh my ass off. Then I think, "Damned! I sound just like my Dad!"
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Re: What's your relationship with your father like?

Unread postby PopTart » 24 February 2019, 00:54

Pretty good actually, sometimes he helps around the house, when I'm doing DIY, I use the little wooden box I keep his ashes in to prop up wood that I'm sawing, he also acts as a handy door stop.
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Re: What's your relationship with your father like?

Unread postby rogonandi » 24 February 2019, 09:46

My relationship with my dad is fine. He’s coming to visit my husband and I next week. :)
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Re: What's your relationship with your father like?

Unread postby Stardust » 24 February 2019, 11:52

My dad is a bizarre person. Not bad, but strange :P
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Re: What's your relationship with your father like?

Unread postby SweetBoy2312 » 24 February 2019, 12:09

He is extremely homophobic. But he always helped me even when I came out and moved out. I call him on the weekends and visit the parents regularly..so we have an ok relationship. But recently I had feelings for a woman(I'm bisexual) and I knew he knew that and he would still try to tell me things like "oh you don't have to carry a bag" when we would go somewhere...because he thinks it's feminine. So I realized he's just mentally challenged when it comes to masculinity. He also gets upset about a gay scene on TV...silly things like that. It's annoying because I might be watching a movie and get really into it but then he ruins it. Of course lesbian scenes don't bother him. I remember one time in middle school I cried because we had just come back from Ohio....we lived in Mass. And I missed Ohio and all my cousins there. I wanted to stay there. He picked me up in school and told me that boys can't cry. That was my first clue something is wrong with him.
I resent how he never talked to me about safe sex..with males or females. Even how easy it is for a girl to get prego...he never warned me about that when I was a teen. So he's just there...I'm glad I live in a different state. It's a good distance.
Sometimes he can be cool to hang out with. And we have things in common. We both smoke and like the same music. I hang out with him and his friends whenever I visit and we have a good time.
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Re: What's your relationship with your father like?

Unread postby Brasileiro » 24 February 2019, 12:44

My father turned out not to be. His brother is. Het hates me. Also he wants me dead. So. Not a good relationship, but it has nothing to do with the fact I am gay.
I hate my mother too. I have banned them from my life.
My boyfriend has lovely parents and I am very at home with them.
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Re: What's your relationship with your father like?

Unread postby mxguy01 » 24 February 2019, 16:23

Being a father myself I found out how hard it is to live up to the expectation to never make a mistake. I no longer hold my father (or mother) to that yard stick to be measured. That may just be easier for me because although not the best parents, I still had it good when compared to others.
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Re: What's your relationship with your father like?

Unread postby Koftruecross » 24 February 2019, 22:28

My Dad did NOT allow me to cry either. He was always in hurry for me to grow up because he doesn't like kids. He had kids because in 1960 that was expected of him.. He had no choice but to marry and have kids.. When I was 11 years old he told me to get in the pick up truck and drive. I asked him if he was going to get in too. And said "No.. Just you get in and DRIVE.".. It was a man sized armor plated 1959 Ford F-150.. It was all I could do for my skinny little boy sized arms to turn the steering wheel, push the clutch and try to shift into the right gear. I hit a tree, a telephone pole and a barn..But I never hit another car or truck.... But after that I got the hang of it. He had me driving on the public roads then way before I was 16..
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Re: What's your relationship with your father like?

Unread postby mastmck » 24 February 2019, 22:58

My relationship with my dad is good, if I need his help he will help me and he wasn't mad when I wrote off his car, but I haven't come out to him yet
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Re: What's your relationship with your father like?

Unread postby erti » 25 February 2019, 00:36

my dad hardly saw me as a kid. when i did go over to his place he'd locked me in a bedroom all day without food with my other siblings. his wife was jealous of me.
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Re: What's your relationship with your father like?

Unread postby Koftruecross » 25 February 2019, 01:36

Then when I was about 10 years old we had a dog that had puppies.. I was with my Dad and he took his gun and shot the puppies and killed them. Then he gave me a burlap sack and a shovel and told me to bury them.. Which I did. But one of the puppies hid under the porch. One of my Dad's hired hands came and I brought the puppy to him and said, "Please take this puppy home with you. If you don't take it my Dad will kill it when he comes home." And the hired hand did take the puppy home he kept it for its entire life..It grew into beautiful dog.
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Re: What's your relationship with your father like?

Unread postby PopTart » 25 February 2019, 12:01

You know KtC, you remind me of Luna love good from the Harry Potter books, not the film version.

And older, gayer, Male version, with slightly more adult stories to tell. :P
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Re: What's your relationship with your father like?

Unread postby Koftruecross » 25 February 2019, 18:01

I don't read those kind of books. I read the Bible.. I was raised in an American Gothic family.. Mother would read the Bible to us. But she also read Tom Sawyer, Hucklberry Finn and A Dog of Flanders.. I chopped wood for the kitchen stove and shoveled coal to heat the house my family built in 1840. In the Summer we literally baled a thousand bales of hay..We worshipped in the church my family built in 1865.. They buried my younger sister and my only brother in the graveyard there when a plague of influenza came.. I didn't get sick like the others.. It was a good thing too because I had cattle and horses to tend to.. And fences to mend. I worked outside all day in the freezing cold of the winter and in the sweltering heat of the Summer..
FDR brought electricity out to us 25 years before I was born with his Rural Electrification Act of 1936. They installed electric lights in the barn then too.
My Dad said my drawing and painting Art work was frivolous and not practical. It was probably the most UN-GAY life style anyone could imagine.
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Re: What's your relationship with your father like?

Unread postby Eryx » 25 February 2019, 20:27

I don't talk much to my dad because it's been a long time since we stopped living all together, but he's a great guy and I love being with him. He's great to drink with. He never forced masculinity on me, my mom was more concerned about that. He just taught me to be a good person and he accepted me being gay pretty well.
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Re: What's your relationship with your father like?

Unread postby Magic J » 25 February 2019, 21:41

On hiatus for a while now, must have been thirteen when I last saw him. Not a conscious decision on my part, I just didn’t particularly like being around him, and since he reciprocated, as far as I can remember, we just sort of stopped seeing one another gradually until… bam, a decade's gone past. :lol: I have a bad memory for these things, but I remember being a bit scared of him. But he had lots of books, which he tolerated me reading (well, mostly looking at the ones with pictures), and I still like to read. That was a good thing he did.

I get on very well with my step-father, though.

Koftruecross wrote:"Damned! I sound just like my Dad!"

My mother tells me this occasionally, usually with a look of mixed horror and resignation. It’s said that all men turn into their fathers. This thought concerns me, though I’m pretty sure he still had all his hair last I saw, so that’s positive. :P

mxguy01 wrote:Being a father myself I found out how hard it is to live up to the expectation to never make a mistake. I no longer hold my father (or mother) to that yard stick to be measured.

This is an important. I think we sometimes, quite naturally, hold the unconscious assumption that our parents suddenly sprang into being from the first instance we can remember them, not quite fully registering that they had lives just as complicated as our before that. Maybe it's only when your a bit older that you're able to listen to their story and actually hear, and accept them as full, imperfect persons.
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Re: What's your relationship with your father like?

Unread postby Koftruecross » 26 February 2019, 01:58

I didn't expect this many responses to this thread.. I used to think I was the only gay man that had father issues.. I give my condolences to the ones that have horrible relationships with their dads.. My Dad did not warm up to me until I turned 56 years old.. He's going to be 80 years old soon.. My parents were in their early 20's when I was born.. When I was small it seemed like they were centuries older than me.. Now I feel like I'm not that far behind them.. I've already lived in this house of mine for 26 years.. .. One advantage of having young parents is that I got to know my grandparents and great grandparents very well.... I was very close to them..At times even closer to them than my parents.. They weren't as hard on me as my parents were. I lived with some of them off and on when I was in my 20's..I miss them.
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Re: What's your relationship with your father like?

Unread postby Eryx » 26 February 2019, 04:17

erti wrote:my dad hardly saw me as a kid. when i did go over to his place he'd locked me in a bedroom all day without food with my other siblings. his wife was jealous of me.

I'm so sorry!!!
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Re: What's your relationship with your father like?

Unread postby poolerboy0077 » 26 February 2019, 05:29

I guess I can’t complain. This will sound like a first world problem but my dad is obnoxiously pro-LGBT rights—and it seems forced to me. Knowing him it’s probably just a way for him to give himself an edge when he’s arguing with people online.
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Re: What's your relationship with your father like?

Unread postby EleniDoSorto66 » 27 February 2019, 04:20

Eh. It does not exist sadly.

He is what I would describe as a very hard working, stereotypical, macho-manly man. The strong silent type. He would hunt (bows and arrows he'd make) deer, bear, etc. Use the whole animal. I grew up on a farm; decent living.

When my parents divorced, though, he disinheritated us younger children and reliquinshed all responsibility. That was a difficult pill to swallow.

Honestly I don't know if I can ever truly say that I hate him - not completely - but I do avoid all contact.

This may seem avoidance to a greater issue; child abuse and surviving extreme violence - assault. However in that regard he is not the sole person to hold any reproach with as one of only a few and the family was terribly dysfunctional.

It's in the past.

I've grown from being homeless at 17 and coming from having so much to barely anything at all. Surviving and than being able to finally live comfortably due to hard work.

He's getting older - 79 - and has Parkinson's. He tried to talk to me in the past, usually at family gatherings (which I no longer go to) - but I view that as guilt. He's coming towards the end of his life - I mean he finally, 1st time ever wrote "love ya" on a Christmas card that he just recently started to give the past 4 years. (It rather stunned me.)

I therefore wonder may it all be a reaction to impending death, guilt and shame? If he could be in his 50's again, would he really change? I don't know.

But I do know that I would want someone to forgive me for all of my faults and mistakes towards the end of my life. I think it a cruelty in and of itself to deny a sad old man peace of mind before he passes.

I do not think I could ever say that I love my father - that is true - but more so the idea of him.

So to summarize (it's complicated): dad "ain't shit" - don't really know how to care
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Last edited by EleniDoSorto66 on 28 February 2019, 09:00, edited 5 times in total.
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Re: What's your relationship with your father like?

Unread postby Reyes » 27 February 2019, 18:24

Well I was expecting the whole thread to be filled with bottoms w daddy issues, but its good to see that it isn't :lol:

Tbh, my dad wasn't really in my life as a young child - mostly in and out. As I've gotten older Im in regular contact with him, don't see him that often but we text every week or so.

It was quite hard for me to what to have a relationship with him, as he wasn't there for me throughout the most important parts of my life. But as I've gotten older I just felt as though life is too short and I think it means more to him than it does to me, I could see him really making an effort to come back into my life so I thought meh, may as well

I don't think ill ever be that close to him though, and a big part is that I don't really want to, I don't really care about having a strong father figure in my life as much as I did years ago, my mums done a great job and now I feel independent enough to navigate life by myself, and with the strong family ties I do have instead.
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