What to do… ? Advice please.

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What to do… ? Advice please.

Unread postby skullzty96 » 22 April 2022, 09:43

Hey guys… needing some serious advice about a boy. Disclosure - I am a gay 25 yo, single, and have been using dating apps for years. I’m rarely successful and honestly, tired of them. Here’s my predicament.

So I won’t be super specific, but I work for a place where we see patients. I was assigned to work up a patient today, and I called him back and he was a skinny, dark haired 29yo male. I immediately thought he was very cute. While during the exam, we had made really good conversation and it all went smoothly. I started to grow really into him. I have a feeling he is gay, based on his mannerisms and voice. But, I don’t come off as gay (not giving him the idea), nor was I confident enough to ask him out. Plus I was on the job, I could get in trouble or make the rest of the exam very uncomfortable if things went awry. I really wanted to ask him out, or at least see if he was interested (he may be in a relationship, I don’t know). But the circumstances couldn’t allow it.

After the exam was over I walked him out and he there he went. Gone. I started my stalking game and could not find him on Grindr at all, nor any other apps. I found him on Facebook, but I’m not going to add him and look like a stalker. I also don’t want to violate hipaa, but I do have his phone # and email in the ehr.

Basically I can’t stop thinking about this dude. He was incredibly kind and I feel like I have to do something, or it’s a potential missed opportunity. What should I do? Should I just drop it and move on? Should I message him on fb? I just want a general idea so I can move forward. I’m talking to a few other dudes from dating apps and I honestly don’t even feel like pushing those relationships forward since this happened. Hence, I turn to this.
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Re: What to do… ? Advice please.

Unread postby Bluefish » 22 April 2022, 10:15


This sounds pretty tough to be honest. Personally I'd advise against pursuing something while he's still your patient. I know it's tough when you feel for somebody. And trust me, I'm no stranger to the disappointment of dating apps.

It's a different story but I recently fell head over heels for somebody this year. Couldn't stop thinking about him for weeks, months even. But turns out we were totally incompatible.

I guess that's a bit irrelevant but my point is, that sometimes somebody comes along who totally floors you. All you can do is think about them. They're just your type.

But there's always others.

Having said that though, it might depend if he's a regular patient of yours or not.

If he is, then I'd say reaching out in a personal way might well be inappropriate. However, if he's not, and you give it some time - a month maybe. And you're still thinking about him, maybe come back here and ask again.

Don't just take one person's word for it. I've never been in this situation professionally, so I have absolutely no idea what the official line is on this sort of thing - although I imagine trying to date a patient may be frowned upon professionally.

Just be careful. Usually if somebody is your patient you have a duty of care and professionalism with them too, so consider this as well. As strong as your feelings are, you have a responsibility to put their needs first at the end of the day while you have a professional relationship with them.

I know what it's like to hang on to somebody. Not wanting to pursue anything else because of a faint ray of hope. That's happened more than once to me in my life. But whatever you decide to do about this guy, that doesn't mean you have to stop trying to make other connections too. You don't have to let this go forever, but you don't have to stop moving forward and exploring other options either.
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