When Is Saying the L Word Too Soon?

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When Is Saying the L Word Too Soon?

Unread postby theone » 6 May 2020, 19:38

This thread is an extension is my previous thread, "Am I Cursed to be a Bottom?": relationships-sex-and-sexuality/am-i-cursed-to-be-a-bottom-t12216/

My boyfriend and I have been together for two months, and these two months have been some of the best of my life, despite COVID-19. He is the sweetest, he spoils me, the sex is amazing (I'm exclusively bottoming for now) and we connect on an emotional level that I have never experienced with my previous boyfriends.

Two weeks ago, I felt the urge to tell him that I was "falling in love with him." He didn't say the same, but that he was "getting there". I was okay with that. Next week, he said he was falling in love with me, too. Then this weekend, after connecting with him on a whole different level by us revealing deeper information about ourselves, I told him that I wasn't falling in love with him, that I loved him. He said he loved me too.

None of the information above is problematic. Like I said, I had no problem when he said he wasn't ready yet to say he loved me. Had he not said he loved me back, I would have been fine with that, too. We all move at different paces. We are very open with how we feel towards each other, and it appears we are on the same page.

Is it weird to be saying "I love you" only after two months of dating? I'm only saying how I feel, but wonder if I've let myself fall for him too fast. Men have told me they've loved me only after a few weeks, and I've heard people have told their partners they love them after a month. My parents got engaged after three months.

I guess we can't control how the heart feels, but I wonder what you think, based on your previous (or current) experiences. Thanks in advance!
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Re: When Is Saying the L Word Too Soon?

Unread postby Eos » 6 May 2020, 22:40

I don't have many experiences, well it never went as far as saying I love you. However, once it took me 3 weeks to start having emotions toward a guy, but it has been stopped since it wasn't the same for him.
However I've too much experiences where guys are liking super quickly. And I'm speaking of one or two dates. If I felt for them I'd say I wouldn't have had to wait 2 months to hear they loved me.

So I don't think you're too quick. And as you said it's not like you can control your feelings, enjoy one of the greatest moment of life ! Keep saying it for many years !
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Re: When Is Saying the L Word Too Soon?

Unread postby Simon » 6 May 2020, 22:49

I’ve said it within a couple of weeks and I’ve also said it after six months. If you’re happy and he’s happy with the speed it’s going then it sounds like it was the exact right time to say it! Get that lovin’ loverboy!
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Re: When Is Saying the L Word Too Soon?

Unread postby Derek » 7 May 2020, 02:54

I haven't told Simon I love him and I've known him for like ten fucking years.
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Re: When Is Saying the L Word Too Soon?

Unread postby rogonandi » 7 May 2020, 05:28

It sounds about right to me. :)
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Re: When Is Saying the L Word Too Soon?

Unread postby Eryx » 8 May 2020, 18:27

2 months seems like the appropriate amount of time in my opinion. I probably said it to my current boyfriend after a month and a half or something like that, when we had to stay two weeks apart. We figured out things were much deeper than we had realized.

Then again, the Brazilian "I love you" isn't really in the same pace as in other places so I'm never too sure if I'm being too different here. We do relationships way differently from what I could gather with the experiences I've encountered on this forum.
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Re: When Is Saying the L Word Too Soon?

Unread postby theone » 11 May 2020, 01:09

Thank you all for your comments. I don't feel so self-conscious about it now.
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Re: When Is Saying the L Word Too Soon?

Unread postby ShutUpAndBeHappy » 13 May 2020, 20:44

So, this is an interesting thing to think about. My boyfriend is Chinese, and as it turns out, the way Chinese people (or, the way he says Chinese people) express affection and feelings is very very different than my own upbringing. He doesn't say "I love you" often at all - only when I've done something that moves him particularly, or I hit that spot in his butt that he likes.

We "hung out" for like seven months before he wanted to make things "official" (to use his term). At that point I was already in love with him, so that evening I asked him - "does this mean you love me?" His response was something to the effect of "of course I love you, otherwise why would I be with you?"

I've really had to stop saying it so often. I grew up with my mom saying it at the end of every sentence and phone call, so it was more a general phrase than an expression of deep feeling. I don't say "I love you" anymore unless I really mean it in that moment, and I think I like it that way.

I think it's difficult to know when to say it. It's such a moment of vulnerability. But I've learned that if you really feel it, you should express it. Because not telling someone you love them in a moment when it's the only thing to say, is really painful.
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Re: When Is Saying the L Word Too Soon?

Unread postby Brenden » 13 May 2020, 20:47

René and I are in this quandary currently, too. :|

Simon wrote:If you’re happy and he’s happy with the speed it’s going […]

But how do you know whether he's happy?
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Re: When Is Saying the L Word Too Soon?

Unread postby ShutUpAndBeHappy » 13 May 2020, 20:53

Brenden wrote:René and I are in this quandary currently, too. :|

Simon wrote:If you’re happy and he’s happy with the speed it’s going […]

But how do you know whether he's happy?

I've found it's generally thought of as unromantic to just be open about how you feel, for some reason. So in many cases we just need to use our intuition and take the leap of faith.
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Re: When Is Saying the L Word Too Soon?

Unread postby Eryx » 13 May 2020, 21:31

ShutUpAndBeHappy wrote:I've really had to stop saying it so often. I grew up with my mom saying it at the end of every sentence and phone call, so it was more a general phrase than an expression of deep feeling. I don't say "I love you" anymore unless I really mean it in that moment, and I think I like it that way.

I think it's difficult to know when to say it. It's such a moment of vulnerability. But I've learned that if you really feel it, you should express it. Because not telling someone you love them in a moment when it's the only thing to say, is really painful.
Mine used to be hard to get out of me too, but it slipped this time and that's how I figured something was different. When we're messaging I like to say silly things like "I love you more than chocolate churros" and I feel like saying it all the time when I just want to look at him, but yeah Brazilians are less prone to saying it as the end of sentences. "I love you" in English feels more like a friendly reminder, especially because friends do use it often. In Portuguese you use "I adore you" for friends, because the word doesn't carry the same intensity, it's like "I like you very much." So "I love you" gets separated, it's exclusively for relationships and family, and becomes more intense. I like how these small differences make such a difference at how people and boyfriends interact hahahah. I would have liked to have been in a relationship with someone from abroad at least once just to experience those little details everyday.
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Re: When Is Saying the L Word Too Soon?

Unread postby ShutUpAndBeHappy » 13 May 2020, 21:55

Eryx wrote:
ShutUpAndBeHappy wrote:I've really had to stop saying it so often. I grew up with my mom saying it at the end of every sentence and phone call, so it was more a general phrase than an expression of deep feeling. I don't say "I love you" anymore unless I really mean it in that moment, and I think I like it that way.

I think it's difficult to know when to say it. It's such a moment of vulnerability. But I've learned that if you really feel it, you should express it. Because not telling someone you love them in a moment when it's the only thing to say, is really painful.
Mine used to be hard to get out of me too, but it slipped this time and that's how I figured something was different. When we're messaging I like to say silly things like "I love you more than chocolate churros" and I feel like saying it all the time when I just want to look at him, but yeah Brazilians are less prone to saying it as the end of sentences. "I love you" in English feels more like a friendly reminder, especially because friends do use it often. In Portuguese you use "I adore you" for friends, because the word doesn't carry the same intensity, it's like "I like you very much." So "I love you" gets separated, it's exclusively for relationships and family, and becomes more intense. I like how these small differences make such a difference at how people and boyfriends interact hahahah. I would have liked to have been in a relationship with someone from abroad at least once just to experience those little details everyday.


That's a neat perspective! Yeah, it reminds me of how we ask "how are you?" when we don't really care, and if anyone says anything other than "good" it's seen as a terrible imposition.

It's interesting because he's lived in the US half of his life but he's been so isolated socially, so he's very much Chinese. The other day he went on a rant about how stupid spoon rests are - apparently they don't have them where he's from. Some things are challenging though, because I've had to refrain from expressing my feelings the way I was brought up to - and in the beginning I thought he seemed a bit cold and distant, when really he just isn't as expressive. It's interesting and fun though! Sometimes he can be a bit too judgmental of western culture, and I have to remind him that we're not all savages. :lol:
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Re: When Is Saying the L Word Too Soon?

Unread postby Eryx » 13 May 2020, 22:14

I'm sure eventually you'll meet halfway and it will be even the more special because it will be you guys' thing, exclusively! I think it's terribly cute.
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Re: When Is Saying the L Word Too Soon?

Unread postby ShutUpAndBeHappy » 13 May 2020, 23:09

Eryx wrote:I'm sure eventually you'll meet halfway and it will be even the more special because it will be you guys' thing, exclusively! I think it's terribly cute.

I need to learn how to say "I love you" in Cantonese without sounding like a goofy white guy.

I always love your positivity on the forums! :)
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Re: When Is Saying the L Word Too Soon?

Unread postby Jryski » Today, 02:57

ShutUpAndBeHappy wrote:
Eryx wrote:I'm sure eventually you'll meet halfway and it will be even the more special because it will be you guys' thing, exclusively! I think it's terribly cute.

I need to learn how to say "I love you" in Cantonese without sounding like a goofy white guy.

I always love your positivity on the forums! :)


I can teach you! :3
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