When you are way uglier than your bf

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When you are way uglier than your bf

Unread postby dogdad91 » 13 July 2022, 04:47

So my boyfriend is conventionally-hot (and apparently way hotter than me), hence with him i've been living a more charmed life than i'm accustomed to everywhere we go, whether at bars, restaurants, any kind of customer service, or with gay friends. I get invited everywhere now. A few of my friends and acquaintances slid into his DMs (platonically) within days of meeting him. Guys hit on him all the time when we go clubbing. Last weekend a random guy at a gay beach aggressively hit on him right in front of me and even tried to "help" me adjust my bf's speedo after he got pressured into taking off his shorts. I always play it cool and let my bf fend for himself when stuff like that happens, but it's so insulting that people even try.

I've seen photos of his 3 exes (and met one of them), and I'm easily the least physically attractive one lol, but I'm also the only one he was willing to show to his entire extended family. We have a unique spiritual bond and he's somehow more into me than the other way around, so I'm not worried that he'll be influenced by the attention. But the constant reminders that everyone finds him hotter, which I don't mind as much if subtle, are often quite overt, and harsh the vibe when we go out. I don't notice this kind of tastelessness directed at straight "interfacial" couples. Argh, why are gays so tacky...
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Re: When you are way uglier than your bf

Unread postby locker302 » 13 July 2022, 19:37

Your story is really interesting. We definitely live in a world where being pretty in a superficial way gets treated in particular ways. But how much this happens depends a lot on what social circles we interact in. The fact is, most people in world don't make for good quality friends. It's difficult but extremely rewarding to find quality connections, and I'm working on this myself. If your 'friends' treat you two differently based on looks, they aren't good friends.

I think you already know that though, and it sounds like most of your post is about people you see in your everyday life and strangers. However, you also are going places like clubbing and gay beaches, which attracts an atmosphere of flirtation, sexuality, cruising, etc. These places can be extremely fun but also serve as rare opportunities for people to express their attractions and flirtations in a socially acceptable way. So in short, the behavior you two are experiencing at these places come with the territory. If you want to hang out with other gays in more wholesome places, there are opportunities for that as well. Look into gay camping, gay wellness, gay tantra, gay yoga, nudist events/groups, or any social group whose purpose is something other than just being gay or just partying.

I hope this doesn't come off as judgemental. I am also expressing my own strong feelings about superficial gay culture (which is extremely prevalent, in fact is probably the norm at most gay places). But I also think we as gay men should patronize and support organizations/groups/activities in which more wholesome and genuine connections are the norm.

As a community, gay men have made huge strides in the US over the past few decades. At this point, in many places, I feel like we are at the place where a lot of people are saying "ok, we get it, you can be gay and open and sexual and fabulous. But I am craving more genuine connection that's not based on partying". At least I feel that way.

I think it's amazing that you've formed this bond with someone, and I'm glad that you are framing this in terms of him being perceived as more attractive by most people rather than him being inherently more attractive or more valuable.

By the way, I hope you don't actually think of yourself as "uglier" and realize that beauty and attractiveness are subjective and relative. No matter what your boyfriend looks like, there are plenty of people who don't find him attractive at all. And no matter what you look like, there are plenty of people who find you hot. That's just a reality of the world. But I can definitely see your point about conventional beauty.
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Re: When you are way uglier than your bf

Unread postby 21-79BB! » 15 July 2022, 15:45

Locker302, I applaude you for your answer! You have made many valid points, and I agree wholeheartedly. Dogdad91, focus on yourself for a moment, in this manner. Embrace and love your body and yourself. If there are reasonable changes you can make (eating more healthfully, cardio work, enjoying walks in the fresh air, bodybuilding and the like) embrace them, and make them an important part of your life. I like the suggestions for gay wellness and gay Tantra in particular. Both are holistic approaches to full-body health and pleasure. Now, set aside those other people, and think about the private times you and your boyfriend share. Learn about gay Tantric techniques (especially fellatio) that can take your orgasms to new heights. Learn the fine art (and INTENSE pleasure!) of mutual, sustained navelgasm. (I can teach you the techniques, and I'll bet those "other folks" don't have a clue!) If you like vacations at the beach, consider visiting a gay beach or nude beach where you can both wear teeny men's microbikinis and "fit right in!" (Locker302's comments on the gay-beach scene are valid, human nature being what it is. But if the two of you are enjoying each other's company, so what? You are there to have a great time, and you both can also enjoy the "eye-candy" pleasure of checking out the other guys in teeny bikinis, while OTHER guys check out YOU TWO! Hang in there, and work on developing a solid, loving, sensual and lasting relationship!
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Re: When you are way uglier than your bf

Unread postby locker302 » 15 July 2022, 17:36

I love that comment! If 2 people are sexually and emotionally fulfilled with each other, it will matter so much less what other people think or say. I can continue to work on this in my relationship as well
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