Where do you guys meet people?

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Where do you guys meet people?

Unread postby lufia » 20 March 2020, 03:37

I am 38 year old closeted guy who may be trans. I haven't figured that part out for myself yet, and I have only been with women so far. I am not into the bar scene, as I am a former addict who is trying to remain sober. I have tried dating sites, and most of the guys I have met seem to only be interested in hookups. That's just not my thing. I am not shy, but I take a little while to get comfortable around new people, and I am a lot like a girl in that I like to feel a connection to someone when I have sex with them. I met a guy on a dating site once and we dated on and off for a year, but we were both new to gay relationships and both of us were waiting on the other to make the first move, so it never turned sexual. As a "virgin" most of the guys who contact me on these sites are also much older than me, and I'm not really attracted to guys that are much older. I'm also not really attracted to guys that are "straight", or straight-acting. I like guys that are a lot like me. I guess I'm bi or pansexual. What is the best place to meet someone who might actually be interested in a relationship? I take immunosuppressors to treat Psoriatic Arthritis. These weaken my immune system somewhat, so I can't take any unnecessary risks when it comes to sex, so I am looking for a committed relationship. I can't risk sleeping around, or being with someone who does, but I really need a man. I am still in the closet and can't come out in the near future, despite the fact that I desperately want to. Where can I meet a decent guy who is around my age?
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Re: Where do you guys meet people?

Unread postby GearFetTwinkRomance » 20 March 2020, 08:10

Not certain of whether this is going to help a bit, but making up your mind about where you fit in my be the most direct solution to lead to the people of interest.
I can well understand the whole off scene life. It's pretty rare to even scout for people that are not into that hook up -scheme. ( I call it fuck'n go-scheme)
Might be, that if you found your bearings, you could use a specific parship site or even matchmaker services, although they take quite a bit of money from the desperate, so to say. Else it's just over to your seducing abilities, I guess, your charm, and the kind of guys that will go for this. Might be the better choice, not to look for a partner at gay bars or homosexual men's places.
Better go, where bisexual and trans identity or other pan sexual folks would meet.
I don't know if there are specific places for them, but I would guess so.

I put it that way, since homosexual men often will be turned off by all the "girly" aspects. Usually they'll look for masculine markers, and there may be a bit of a debate going on with those, that like the camp and drag stuff. I dunno how the majority of gays would perceive this, and I just could speak for myself.
For example, I always liked much the ltr Idea, and I fled all the hook up business, I can't imagine to ever share something as intimate as sexual interaction with someone I don't know close and over a rather long history of grown friendship, so I never engaged in all the dating strangers. Although I sometimes even envy those, that are capable of this, and I tend to think they are of a higher evolution strain than I am this, perhaps.
Yet with all the "girly" stuff, that always has turned me off, scared me away. I always look at real "boyz", they draw me in, certain styles and manners I connect to the masculine.

So it may be a bit of what I call the wrong bus stop, seeking out homosexual men, eh. Bisexual and Pansexual might be the better choice. Even Trans folks might be the perfect choice, if you should conclude to feel toward that option.

Good luck to you!
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Re: Where do you guys meet people?

Unread postby René » 20 March 2020, 16:24

There are guys out there who are looking for a relationship rather than a hookup, even on Grindr, Scruff etc. but especially on Tinder.

There is also OkCupid but that doesn't work terribly well in its present incarnation.
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Re: Where do you guys meet people?

Unread postby Capt._Trips » 21 March 2020, 01:54

I think you should see a therapists and figure yourself out first.
You'll never find a partner if you dont know what you want yourself.
So I'd say take care of yourself and find what you want first. Itll be much easier to find a guy if you are comfortable with your own body and self
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Re: Where do you guys meet people?

Unread postby lufia » 21 March 2020, 19:44

Though I would I identify as trans, I have no plans to transition even if I settle that issue with myself. I am 6ft, 3in tall and weigh 275 lbs. I am built like a linebacker, so no amount of hormones or surgeries would ever make me remotely passable. As much as I would like to transition, there aren't many positives that could come out of it since I would never be more than a big guy in a dress. Essentially I am resigned to living my life as a gay man at this point. My hope is to find a guy that is at least ok with it, even if it isn't a turn on to him. I like to keep my private life private, so I control the way I act around people who don't know me, and I can easily pass as straight in public. I have hidden and suppressed my identity my entire life, so if I have to do that to find a partner, then so be it. I can't let my flag fly right now, since my current living situation doesn't allow it. I just want a man in my life so badly that it is driving me crazy at this point, and I'm willing to do whatever I have to if it will help me find someone. I'm tired of being alone (and not getting laid,lol).
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Re: Where do you guys meet people?

Unread postby poolerboy0077 » 22 March 2020, 15:24

Homeless shelter usually.
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Re: Where do you guys meet people?

Unread postby Mrmongoloth » 22 March 2020, 22:32

Met boyfriend on grindr. Together for more than 2 years now :3
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Re: Where do you guys meet people?

Unread postby René » 22 March 2020, 23:26

Mrmongoloth wrote:Met boyfriend on grindr. Together for more than 2 years now :3

Aww, that's great! :3

There are some really awesome guys on there. They can just be hard to spot because there are so many not-so-awesome guys and because the profile feature is extremely limited.
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Re: Where do you guys meet people?

Unread postby Frigid » 29 March 2020, 09:09

lufia wrote:Though I would I identify as trans, I have no plans to transition even if I settle that issue with myself. I am 6ft, 3in tall and weigh 275 lbs. I am built like a linebacker, so no amount of hormones or surgeries would ever make me remotely passable.

Femininity is not defined by wearing a dress and lipstick. It’s character. There are plenty of 6’3 275lb women out there who still exude femininity. However, that doesn’t mean to say I think you should transition or do it haphazardly.
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Re: Where do you guys meet people?

Unread postby erti » 29 March 2020, 09:31

Frigid wrote:
lufia wrote:Though I would I identify as trans, I have no plans to transition even if I settle that issue with myself. I am 6ft, 3in tall and weigh 275 lbs. I am built like a linebacker, so no amount of hormones or surgeries would ever make me remotely passable.

Femininity is not defined by wearing a dress and lipstick. It’s character. There are plenty of 6’3 275lb women out there who still exude femininity. However, that doesn’t mean to say I think you should transition or do it haphazardly.


From what I’ve read up on people can be transgender and not started on hormones or anything like that. You can still identify as the opposite sex you were born in. As for people taking you seriously... that’s a whole different story.
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