Where to go from here???

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Where to go from here???

Unread postby M@zdarx8 » 17 November 2019, 06:30

Hey Everyone! Looking for some advice please. I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about two years. She has a two year old son. Which I have been a part of his life since he was 7 months old.
But first! She is beautiful, smart but has blonde moments that are incredibly cute and endearing, amazing mother and hardworking. She is amazing! But idk if she is the person I’m suppose to grow old with. (Shocker, I know)
We never had a honeymoon stage which I do blame on myself which I was not looking for a relationship when first started hanging out as friends.
When I get mad, I’m the kind of person who wants to think before I speak. I like go away clear my thoughts of the anger and then come back and have a rational conversation about why and what is bothering me; then trying to grow, adapt and solve the issues on both sides. She is not like that.
She won’t let me have a moment to think. She instigates and pushes. This past 6 months have been hard. With grabbing, pulling. Throwing things at me. Screaming at the top her lungs.
I am not innocent by any means. I get upset and have a tendency to say very hurtful things but I never lay hands or refuse to let anybody leave. She pushes me to the point though where I will grab her arms and just scream stop just stop! And I hate this! I do not like to be pushed to a point where I am scared of myself and my significant other. Is it because we are alike? Is it our age difference? Is she right, that I’m the problem? It’s hard to put everything that has happened on here. So if you have questions ask! Maybe it will give me some clarity. Thanks a ton!
I can honestly say I love her and I love her child. I just want to know if I should keep going or take a breather.
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Re: Where to go from here???

Unread postby Brasileiro » 17 November 2019, 10:40

Do you live together?
I am only part time with my boyfriend. I travel a lot, stay away for months and that is really helpful in our relationship. It is different than yours, but we also do have different characters.
I would strongly suggest to live apart of you live together.
If you are already living apart, take even more distance. Be friends, find another love.
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Re: Where to go from here???

Unread postby Jzone » 17 November 2019, 17:32

First of all, I don't believe there is anyone out there we are "supposed to grow old with." Thinking we have a soul-mate or that some cosmic force cares who we sleep with is romantic and all but doesn't help our relationships in the real world. Some people get lucky, while most of us have to continually work on our differences and communication in a long term relationship.

There are a couple things you said that are very concerning. If she screams at you at the top of her lungs and throws things at you — that is abuse. There is no way around that. She may love you, but if she deals with anger by being abusive that is a toxic situation. You don't want to live with that.

You may be no knight in shining armor, but as a single mom she would be better off changing her behavior to make your relationship work. Having someone in her life who loves her and her son is gold. If she can't see that and isn't willing to do the work to keep you around, I doubt things will improve over time between you. Have you considered couples counseling? If you really want the relationship to work, it is worth it. If she is not willing, then your choice going forward is probably clear.
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Re: Where to go from here???

Unread postby M@zdarx8 » 17 November 2019, 19:28

Brasileiro wrote:Do you live together?
I am only part time with my boyfriend. I travel a lot, stay away for months and that is really helpful in our relationship. It is different than yours, but we also do have different characters.
I would strongly suggest to live apart of you live together.
If you are already living apart, take even more distance. Be friends, find another love.



“I thought that would help so I moved out 3 months ago. Which is an hour away from my job. So I was staying there at her house just so I wouldn’t have a long commute but then my boss upped my hours and now I work almost everyday... that’s when it started all over again
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Re: Where to go from here???

Unread postby M@zdarx8 » 17 November 2019, 20:07

Jzone wrote:First of all, I don't believe there is anyone out there we are "supposed to grow old with." Thinking we have a soul-mate or that some cosmic force cares who we sleep with is romantic and all but doesn't help our relationships in the real world. Some people get lucky, while most of us have to continually work on our differences and communication in a long term relationship.

There are a couple things you said that are very concerning. If she screams at you at the top of her lungs and throws things at you — that is abuse. There is no way around that. She may love you, but if she deals with anger by being abusive that is a toxic situation. You don't want to live with that.

You may be no knight in shining armor, but as a single mom she would be better off changing her behavior to make your relationship work. Having someone in her life who loves her and her son is gold. If she can't see that and isn't willing to do the work to keep you around, I doubt things will improve over time between you. Have you considered couples counseling? If you really want the relationship to work, it is worth it. If she is not willing, then your choice going forward is probably clear.


“I have brought therapy up several times for both of us and for just her. I told her I don’t know why she has so much anger and aggression and she should figure out the triggers and roots of it, just to help her. She always says she doesn’t have the money to do it and we aren’t financially capable to go to therapy together either. I want us to even if it’s just for one of us or for both.”
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