Would you forgive a homophobic friend?

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Would you forgive a homophobic friend?

Unread postby ScorSaggitar » 25 July 2021, 18:02

Hello, guys! I haven't had the time to post the introduction yet, I wanted to quickly ask you for an advice.

A time ago I had a friend. We knew each other for a long time, almost 10 years. I was in the closet all this time, but then I met someone and I decided I wanted to finally come out.

This friend was not just a friend to me. We were super close, we were like brothers and he was the first person I came out to. I was sure that he would be the one to support me the most. However, he proved himself to be a complete homophobe instead. He disowned me completely, spat in my face, and said the worst things you can imagine. Our friendship ended that day.

Now 5 years are past, literally 5 years. I haven't seen or heard or talked to this guy whatsoever. Yesterday I received a Facebook message from him, which came as a big surprise. He writes that he's sorry, that he was wrong, that he regrets everything he did and said, that he only reacted that way because he was taught that gay is bad and dangerous but now he realizes it's not. Basically, he wants to meet me and see if we can repair our friendship.

I don't know what should I do now. I don't know what took him so long to come around. Normally I don't hold a grudge but the way he treated me was something I'll never forget. I was ready for hatred and expected it from pretty much everyone but him. I trusted him completely and the things he said to me were like a knife in my back. I'm not sure we could ever be friends again. What should I answer him and should I answer at all? I don't know.
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Re: Would you forgive a homophobic friend?

Unread postby LynxReloaded » 25 July 2021, 23:09

its your turn to stick a knife in him
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Re: Would you forgive a homophobic friend?

Unread postby pozboro » 26 July 2021, 01:57

My gosh, where on Earth did this happen? Sounds like something right out of Hungary, Poland, or Russia (or numerous Middle Eastern countries).

While I don't feel that Lynx's recommendation is the only alternative, I would have to ask what you feel? I understand the history but you fail to share your gut or rational reaction to his apology now.

For the most part, I've found little success in trying to rekindle even the best friendships after years apart but that might just be me. I don't have lots of data on how well things work out for other folks. But in a case like this, the real question is can you really believe and accept the apology? Will you be able to trust him going forward? These aren't questions to be answered here, more food for thought.

BTW, have you looked at what type of stuff your ersatz friend is posting and liking on FB? That might give you insight into a mind. There are many ways you can choose to respond but only you can figure out what is right for you. Whatever you decide, I suggest being clear in your communication.
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Re: Would you forgive a homophobic friend?

Unread postby ScorSaggitar » 26 July 2021, 11:57

LynxReloaded wrote:its your turn to stick a knife in him


Fortunately or unfortunately, I'm not vengeful.

I'm not really sure what I feel about this. It's been so long, I don't know what took him 5 years to talk to me again. I had already managed to cross him out of my life and now he reappears out of thin air. When I remember all the good times we used to have I know I miss it but then again I'm not sure if a homophobe can really change like he says.
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Re: Would you forgive a homophobic friend?

Unread postby glückspilz » 26 July 2021, 16:13

The ability to forgive someone is an extremely strong character. I think you should take this opportunity to show that you can leave what happened behind you.

But it seems important to me that you show him how much it hurt you back then and that these wounds will not be forgotten so quickly and that rebuilding the friendship will take time. That will involve a lot of intensive discussions.

He has to agree to do so, otherwise it is not worth the effort. But if it is, you could end the ugly story. It is not out of the question that your friendship will be stronger than ever.
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Re: Would you forgive a homophobic friend?

Unread postby poolerboy0077 » 26 July 2021, 22:47

LynxReloaded wrote:its your turn to stick a knife in him

I like your advice. Say more.
Blow: "Nowadays even Liam can release an album of his screechy vocals and it'll probably go #1..."
Ramzus: I can admit that I'm horny just about 24/7
homomorphism: I used to not think your name was deshay and that Erick was just being racist
Hunter: sometimes I think I was literally born to be a pornstar
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Re: Would you forgive a homophobic friend?

Unread postby Derek » 26 July 2021, 23:32

I also agree that the best revenge probably involves fucking him.
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Re: Would you forgive a homophobic friend?

Unread postby betonhaus » 27 July 2021, 02:28

If he's that precious to you it might be good to at least meet with him and talk about what happened and what has happened since. You don't have to force yourself to forgive him, but maybe see if there is any reconciliation possible, or at least a proper goodbye so you two can leave that part behind yourselves.

I wouldnt try to fuck him though, but if you like it flirt a little and put the option on the table if you feel he might be interested in trying.
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Re: Would you forgive a homophobic friend?

Unread postby LynxReloaded » 27 July 2021, 03:19

ScorSaggitar wrote:
LynxReloaded wrote:its your turn to stick a knife in him


Fortunately or unfortunately, I'm not vengeful.

I'm not really sure what I feel about this. It's been so long, I don't know what took him 5 years to talk to me again. I had already managed to cross him out of my life and now he reappears out of thin air. When I remember all the good times we used to have I know I miss it but then again I'm not sure if a homophobe can really change like he says.


he reappeared cuz now its your turn to stick a knife in him
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Re: Would you forgive a homophobic friend?

Unread postby Eryx » 29 July 2021, 21:43

I would (forgive him, that is, not stick a knife in him).
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Re: Would you forgive a homophobic friend?

Unread postby LynxReloaded » 30 July 2021, 02:13

Eryx wrote:I would (forgive him, that is, not stick a knife in him).


:hitler:
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Re: Would you forgive a homophobic friend?

Unread postby pozboro » 30 July 2021, 05:13

LynxReloaded wrote:
Eryx wrote:I would (forgive him, that is, not stick a knife in him).


:hitler:


hmmm, while Eryx is from Brasil and a boy, I suspect he's not one of the Boys From Brazil

edit: what an odd emoji
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Re: Would you forgive a homophobic friend?

Unread postby LynxReloaded » 30 July 2021, 12:08

pozboro wrote:
LynxReloaded wrote:
Eryx wrote:I would (forgive him, that is, not stick a knife in him).


:hitler:


hmmm, while Eryx is from Brasil and a boy, I suspect he's not one of the Boys From Brazil

edit: what an odd emoji


fuck off
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Re: Would you forgive a homophobic friend?

Unread postby glückspilz » 30 July 2021, 18:04

LynxReloaded wrote:
Eryx wrote:I would (forgive him, that is, not stick a knife in him).


:hitler:


This is totally inappropriate.
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Re: Would you forgive a homophobic friend?

Unread postby Leila123 » 6 August 2021, 07:00

really interesting
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Re: Would you forgive a homophobic friend?

Unread postby LynxReloaded » 7 August 2021, 13:14

glückspilz wrote:
LynxReloaded wrote:
Eryx wrote:I would (forgive him, that is, not stick a knife in him).


:hitler:


This is totally inappropriate.


fuck off
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