You're confused, but a guy you like has confessed his feelings for you

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You're confused, but a guy you like has confessed his feelings for you

Unread postby careless0101 » 9 December 2018, 03:07

Is it possible that you would still "reject" a guy who has just confessed his romantic feelings for you—even if you really like him, too—just because you're still not out or confused about your sexuality?

Let's say that the one who has confessed his feelings is an openly out bisexual/gay one. :)
"A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it." — Jean de La Fontaine
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Re: You're confused, but a guy you like has confessed his feelings for

Unread postby rogonandi » 9 December 2018, 04:07

Of course it’s possible to reject this person, but why aren’t you out of the closet? What do you have to lose by coming out?
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Re: You're confused, but a guy you like has confessed his feelings for

Unread postby BlackBoi666 » 9 December 2018, 10:10

to be honest, I wouldn't hang around openly gay people, in public, here in my town, because its a black town, and black people tend to be homophobic more often, due to the gangsta culture of: toughness, masculinity, and straightness.
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Re: You're confused, but a guy you like has confessed his feelings for

Unread postby careless0101 » 9 December 2018, 10:24

rogonandi wrote:Of course it’s possible to reject this person, but why aren’t you out of the closet? What do you have to lose by coming out?

So, if you are still in the closet AND you are not yet ready to come out of it, you would still say no to this guy, despite the mutuality of feelings?

This is actually not my story, but a friend's. He is in love with this guy, whom we suspect is sexually confused. My friend (an openly out one) says he can feel that the other guy likes him, too. And because he is sexually confused, he might be romantically confused, too. That explains why MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, that guy is not doing his moves towards my friend at all.

So my friend is wondering if it is really possible for the sexually confused to reject a person they also like because they are not yet sure of who they are, or they are just not ready to come out yet.

For what it's worth, my friend is also aware that he might be overthinking things and expecting too much. He is also open to the idea that maybe he is not just his type, that is why he is not making any moves at all and he is not willing to come out even just to him.
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Re: You're confused, but a guy you like has confessed his feelings for

Unread postby PopTart » 9 December 2018, 12:57

Nandi is quite right I think.

Sometimes we think that "love conquers all" but the realities of life often prove that, not always the case.

All this confused person needs to think, is that, coming across, also means opening a door, they might not be ready to open. Once they come across sexually or romantically, they then have to confront the very real possibility of having to come out, when they feel they might not be ready or even certain of what they want. They are after all, confused!

They may have deep, genuine desire and feelings for someone, but not act on them, for that reason alone and there can be other reasons such a person, any person really, might decide not to act on their attraction.

I'd reassure this friend of yours, not to see it as something about them, that they aren't good enough or right for this person. Because it could be easy to think that way, but to recognise that sometimes, the timing isn't right, sometimes, it's about the other persons situation and place in life.
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Re: You're confused, but a guy you like has confessed his feelings for

Unread postby Tommiebee » 9 December 2018, 23:22

careless0101 wrote:
rogonandi wrote:Of course it’s possible to reject this person, but why aren’t you out of the closet? What do you have to lose by coming out?

So, if you are still in the closet AND you are not yet ready to come out of it, you would still say no to this guy, despite the mutuality of feelings?

This is actually not my story, but a friend's. He is in love with this guy, whom we suspect is sexually confused. My friend (an openly out one) says he can feel that the other guy likes him, too. And because he is sexually confused, he might be romantically confused, too. That explains why MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, that guy is not doing his moves towards my friend at all.

So my friend is wondering if it is really possible for the sexually confused to reject a person they also like because they are not yet sure of who they are, or they are just not ready to come out yet.

For what it's worth, my friend is also aware that he might be overthinking things and expecting too much. He is also open to the idea that maybe he is not just his type, that is why he is not making any moves at all and he is not willing to come out even just to him.

Yes. If he is sexually confused (as opposed to undecided, i.e. sure of his orientation but unsure about pursuing it) he might reject someone out of his own confusion. I'm speaking from experience. Cannot begin to how much I regret rejecting 2 wonderful men over 30 years ago because I was confused about who/what I was. If I had it to do over...
But I'm here now, that's what matters.
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Re: You're confused, but a guy you like has confessed his feelings for

Unread postby SimplySweeter » 10 December 2018, 08:45

It is very much possible to reject someone if you're still confused about your own sexuality. To me this means that you're not 100% on your own sexuality and trying to force yourself to see if the feelings are mutual or validation of your sexuality does more damage to you and the other person. You'll never know if your actions are geninue until you get to a point where you're comfortable with who you are as far as your attraction lies. And this guy who is open will simply think that it's a closet case situation.

I think it would be better to reject him now-letting him know it has nothing to do with him personally-instead of getting involved and having problems down the line because one person is out and the other is confused. That just spells trouble.
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Re: You're confused, but a guy you like has confessed his feelings for

Unread postby careless0101 » 11 December 2018, 04:22

Thank you so much for the great inputs, everyone. Keep them coming! :)

My friend appreciates all the lovely comments. It is helpful for me, too, since I do not really know what to say to him whenever he asks me for advice.
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Re: You're confused, but a guy you like has confessed his feelings for

Unread postby mxguy01 » 12 December 2018, 01:30

I guess you ruled out being afraid to come out as a possible reason that you "suspect" confusion because you have reason?

In either case, until that is resolved any attempt at a romantic relationship between the two will not go well. But if your friend has become attracted to him my guess is that they have know each other for at least a little bit of time. Knowing/suspecting what he does, why not just leave it at the friend stage for now, and be there for the confused guy when time comes. IMO, it that is not an option, cut and run would be best for both.
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