Advice for a very odd situation

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Advice for a very odd situation

Unread postby Unil2001 » 11 September 2021, 12:20

So I used to have a really good friend I started getting close to in middle school. We both would jump rope together when all the other guys would play soccer or basketball. We ended up being really good friends with each other and some other people. We did martial arts together, went out to eat a lot and would check with each other to see if we got on the same bus. Basically he nacen one of my best friends and o really trusted him. At the end of my sophomore year of high school I left the country and moved to America. We stayed in touch though and I came to visit 4 times over a 2 year period. Last time we saw each other we didn’t talk as much because we became a bit more distant. I ended up leaving America and coming back here. I texted him about hanging out and he seemed like he was not super into the idea which kinda hurt considering he used to be my best friend, although I understand where he’s coming from considering we haven’t been in good touch for over two years. And so I was on Grindr just so see who was in my area and this profile messaged me. He sent me a picture and I told him it was me. And so we talked about hooking up the day after. He ended up leaving me on delivered for like 2 weeks until he opened my message and just ignored what I had to say. A few days ago we ended up talking on Grindr again somehow and we ended up hooking up that day. He seemed really into me and I texted him again and he left me on open. I know he’s still in the closet to his family and maybe he’s like confused about how he feels about me. I really like him and I’m not so sure what to do. Btw we’re both 20 atm
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Re: Advice for a very odd situation

Unread postby pozboro » 11 September 2021, 18:01

And I don't know what to tell you other than you have to respect him, his needs, his decisions, etc 😏

So, what do you see as your options in this situation?
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Re: Advice for a very odd situation

Unread postby Unil2001 » 12 September 2021, 19:43

pozboro wrote:And I don't know what to tell you other than you have to respect him, his needs, his decisions, etc 😏

So, what do you see as your options in this situation?


Oh I definitely respect him. I just don’t understand if he’s playing with me or if he’s scared. So I’m not very sure what to do and how to approach the situation.
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Re: Advice for a very odd situation

Unread postby Eos » 12 September 2021, 21:30

If he is still in the closet your best bet is that he is afraid. Sadly there isn't much you can do about it, there's a lot of people like him at this age, he might even be trying to hide his true needs from himself. He has to free himself and this is a personal journey. I'm guessing he already knows how you feel so if he decided not to do anything then there is nothing you can do about it sadly.
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Re: Advice for a very odd situation

Unread postby PopTart » 13 September 2021, 18:51

Well, atleast you know he is gay.

I don't think this is hopeless.

I mean, It might be :lol: But it doesn't have to be.

The two of you were clearly very close once upon a time and it might well be, that he may have harboured some secret affection for you, when you were both back in school.

It can be very easy to be drawn and attracted to someone you spend so much time with, familiarity, intimacy etc.

But as you say, there has been alot of time apart, time enough for other things to happen in your seperate lives. Enough that you are more strangers than you were before.

It's clear he is into you physically, because you hooked up and it seems, by your estimation he was very keen.

My suggestion, is if you like him. Take your time to get to know him again and to allow him to get to know you too. Be patient. Let him know you'd like to spend time together, if possible. Reconnect. If there was ever something there to begin with, your first objective should be to rekindle that flame. Be a friend to him, like you used to be. You might be tempted to press for more right away, but if he is in the closet, he is going to need time and he will definately need a friend. You can be that friend, you have been before. Remind him of that.

I think, it's entirely possible, that with patience, care and affection, you could get something more meaningful going, in the long run.
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Re: Advice for a very odd situation

Unread postby Unil2001 » 15 September 2021, 13:24

How should I go upon approaching him about it though? I don’t want to seem like I’m pushing anything but I genuinely care about him and I want to help him.
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Re: Advice for a very odd situation

Unread postby PopTart » 15 September 2021, 13:50

How did you used to make arrangements to meet up when you were friends?

Do you still share some interests in common? Do you have his details for whatever platform it is you use for socialising. For example, WhatsApp or similar. Try talking to him, as you would to anyone other person.

Your first goal, should be to rekindle friendship. Share things that are going on in your life and take an active interest in his, if he is willing to share.

If there is feeling there on both sides, then things will progress naturally from there.
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Re: Advice for a very odd situation

Unread postby pozboro » 15 September 2021, 20:06

Unil2001 wrote:How should I go upon approaching him about it though? I don’t want to seem like I’m pushing anything but I genuinely care about him and I want to help him.


"Hey, wanna hang out? Get a cup of coffee, tea, beer, whatever?"

I wouldn't share my personal emotions or attraction though for some time. I'd want to gauge the water before diving in: figure out who's he's been seeing, what his interests are, how progressive his politics are, what his goals in life are, things like that. Experience has taught me, time and again, that many guys I've been attracted to have been interested in being friends but not much more. But then again, most were people I met going about "normal" life - not on an app.
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Re: Advice for a very odd situation

Unread postby PopTart » 15 September 2021, 22:41

I'd also agree that jumping in with how you feel too soon, puts alot of pressure and expectation on both your plates.

While you can't deny to yourself that you like him, I think, letting him figure that out for himself and just as importantly, how he feels about you, means playing that close to your chest for now.

Build a reporte. Go from there.
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