Awkward, Sensitive Question

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Awkward, Sensitive Question

Unread postby FlyByNight » 14 September 2021, 02:37

Ok, so I'm not going to lie...I have a thing for Asian (East and South) and Latino guys. After doing some reflections, the reason why I like them is due in part to their skin color, facial features, and the fact that they're "foreign," even if they're from the US and have no cultural connections to the country they can trace their lineage to. However, in the case of East Asian and Latino guys, one reason I like them (besides the fact that I think they're better in bed compared with white people) is because they're very nice and seem to genuinely want to make me happy in contrast to a lot of white people I meet. I also do suffer from white guilt a tiny bit, so I kind of perform an affirmative action program of sorts with sex since I don't think it's fair that Asian guys get to miss out on the fun despite having a lot to offer.

Basically, am I a racist even if I don't intend on being one? If so, should I not bother stating in my Grindr profile that I'm into Asians and Latinos even if it means risking not getting to have a hookup with one (I live in the Midwest, they're not extremely abundant in my neck of the woods)? Otherwise, how can I go about stating that I'd like to hang out with the races of my choice without being offensive and respectful of other people's skin color?

Please be as direct and brutally honest as you can. I need to know the truth so I can make the best and most respectful decision possible.

Thank you.
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Re: Awkward, Sensitive Question

Unread postby Brenden » 14 September 2021, 03:32

You’re basically objectifying and sexualising other human beings.

Other people do not exist to satisfy your sexual desires.

If you like the physical appearance or other traits of Asians and Latino guys, maybe you should consider dating them — experiencing them not as one-off sexual objects to ‘have fun with’ but as people leading complex lives. Maybe you’d fine one you love.
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Re: Awkward, Sensitive Question

Unread postby Marmaduke » 14 September 2021, 06:18

I think the line between preference and problematic is clearer than people tend to make it out to be.

By all means have a preference, that’s fine. It’s when you decide to start broadcasting it to people that didn’t ask that it becomes problematic.

Nobody else cares what gets you going. You only want to sleep with Asians? Fine. You’ve made your choice. Why on earth do you feel the need to tell me about it?

Things you keep to yourself affect nobody but you. In a world ever-more focussed on sharing everything, that’s a really great thing to remind yourself of from time to time.
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Re: Awkward, Sensitive Question

Unread postby pozboro » 14 September 2021, 18:43

OP: explain to me what makes a person "a racist" - my guess is you'll be able to arrive at an answer

If you're hoping that someone here will say that it's not racist to only date people with a certain skin color, I'm afraid I can't help you there. If a parent said, "I don't want my white daughter dating black guys," would he be expressing a preference or would he be a racist?
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Re: Awkward, Sensitive Question

Unread postby Eos » 14 September 2021, 19:11

pozboro wrote:OP: explain to me what makes a person "a racist" - my guess is you'll be able to arrive at an answer

If you're hoping that someone here will say that it's not racist to only date people with a certain skin color, I'm afraid I can't help you there. If a parent said, "I don't want my white daughter dating black guys," would he be expressing a preference or would he be a racist?

I don't know if it's really racist, sure if you quote it that way, but when I say I don't want to date black guys, as long as I can't explain why it's not racist. And as preference it might just change when dating the "right" black guy, while if you're racist you won't even give it a try.
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Re: Awkward, Sensitive Question

Unread postby pozboro » 14 September 2021, 20:03

Eos wrote:
pozboro wrote:OP: explain to me what makes a person "a racist" - my guess is you'll be able to arrive at an answer

If you're hoping that someone here will say that it's not racist to only date people with a certain skin color, I'm afraid I can't help you there. If a parent said, "I don't want my white daughter dating black guys," would he be expressing a preference or would he be a racist?

I don't know if it's really racist, sure if you quote it that way, but when I say I don't want to date black guys, as long as I can't explain why it's not racist. And as preference it might just change when dating the "right" black guy, while if you're racist you won't even give it a try.


I'm sorry, but not being able to explain why isn't an excuse for racism. Again, try, "While I'm willing to consider both candidates, I'd really prefer to hire the white candidate. The vast majority of customers who will meet with whoever we hire are white, and I think they will be less comfortable dealing with a black representative."

edit: Would saying, "I'm not really sure why, but I prefer the white candidate." be any better, worse, or less racist?

I'm unwilling to go so far as saying that having a dating preference is equal to being racist, however, I'm guessing the old personal ad line "GWM seeks other GWMs for ..." would be viewed as racist today. (For anyone who doesn't know, GWM = gay white male). Yes, we could argue something like "I prefer natural redheads," either is or isn't racist since it's rather unlikely that someone who identifies as black, native American, Asian or any other "person of color" is a natural redhead, but for me the question comes down to are we excluding a group of people simply because they are perceived to members of a given (racial) class.
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Re: Awkward, Sensitive Question

Unread postby PopTart » 14 September 2021, 22:13

What about tall people? Is preferring tall people a form of discrimination?
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Re: Awkward, Sensitive Question

Unread postby Eos » 17 September 2021, 22:08

You're changing the subjects. Hiring people based on their skin color is discrimination. Dating is a whole different world, we all are entitled to our preferences.
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Re: Awkward, Sensitive Question

Unread postby poolerboy0077 » 17 September 2021, 22:19

If someone wants to objectify me I have no problem so long as they’re hot. They would be free to walk all over me and take my 401k.




Awkward, sensitive question no. 2: Do Asian boys have slanted bussies? :shifty:
Blow: "Nowadays even Liam can release an album of his screechy vocals and it'll probably go #1..."
Ramzus: I can admit that I'm horny just about 24/7
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Re: Awkward, Sensitive Question

Unread postby erti » 17 September 2021, 23:00

poolerboy0077 wrote:If someone wants to objectify me I have no problem so long as they’re hot. They would be free to walk all over me and take my 401k.




Awkward, sensitive question no. 2: Do Asian boys have slanted bussies? :shifty:


Reminds me of what some Asian dude said when I was in the hospital a few years ago… “Asian women have slanted pussies.”
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Re: Awkward, Sensitive Question

Unread postby pozboro » 18 September 2021, 01:37

Eos wrote:You're changing the subjects. Hiring people based on their skin color is discrimination. Dating is a whole different world, we all are entitled to our preferences.


if this was directed to me, did you miss the statement I bolded when I first posted my response relationships-sex-and-sexuality/awkward-sensitive-question-t18444/#p240898 ?
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Re: Awkward, Sensitive Question

Unread postby FlyByNight » Yesterday, 03:25

pozboro wrote:OP: explain to me what makes a person "a racist" - my guess is you'll be able to arrive at an answer

If you're hoping that someone here will say that it's not racist to only date people with a certain skin color, I'm afraid I can't help you there. If a parent said, "I don't want my white daughter dating black guys," would he be expressing a preference or would he be a racist?


That wasn’t my intention. I’m aware that in dating apps, stating racial preferences are generally not ok anymore. I basically didn’t know if that also applied to hookups. It seems like it does.
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