Confidence and sex

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Confidence and sex

Unread postby Cousin Itt » 20 February 2020, 07:41

I have 0 confidence and dating or hook ups makes its worse. No one is willing to talk to me. dating site or a hook-up site I am nobody's choice. I have only been with two people in my life and that is sad. Not even sure if you can count them we attempted sex but both guys could not do it. So we just doing BJ's I hear stories about my friends and they have had some wild time. I haven't gotten to experience any thing . How can I build my confidence up. And how do I get guys to talk to me.on apps?
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Re: Confidence and sex

Unread postby Marmaduke » 20 February 2020, 09:43

I think we need a little more information, there’s no hard and fast formula for success. Would you mind showing us a screenshot of your dating profile so as we can offer feedback?
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Re: Confidence and sex

Unread postby Cousin Itt » 20 February 2020, 20:18

I've deleted them them now I didn't think about show them here and getting feed back.

Mostly I just get ignored or insulted on dating sites or hookup sites. Had one guy message me saying he liked me me only to find out it's was a joke.
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Re: Confidence and sex

Unread postby Marmaduke » 20 February 2020, 20:22

Well I’m afraid there’s nothing we can do about anything without a bit more insight other than just wish you all the best. Just telling you to persist and be more confident, confidence is attractive, yada yada yada, it’s all empty and ultimately not that helpful. You’ve heard it all before. It is almost certainly an issue regarding how you are presenting yourself. Whilst we aren’t all dealt a winning hand on the looks front, there are always things that you can do to help in certain areas, but we don’t know what the issues are. It could be looks, it could just be awful photography, it might be shit descriptions/written elements. Its probably a blend of all three.

Let us see and we can try, or don’t and persist in the status quo. Your call.
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Re: Confidence and sex

Unread postby Jzone » 20 February 2020, 23:27

Marmaduke is right. You have not given us much to go on.

You could spend (waste) your savings and your life reading self-help books. Most of these are written by people who found one thing that worked for them and then project that on the entire human population. You might get lucky there, but not likely.

Some people are dealt what seems like an easier hand; with good looks, family wealth, or some enviable talent. They still have problems (often worse problems than the rest of us). My only advice is to realize that everyone around you is just making it up as they go. There are few right or wrong answers: we just make choices and deal with the consequences. If you don't have confidence at this point in your life, realize that it takes practice. Baby steps. You have to walk before you can dance, and we all fall flat on our face sometimes. [/peptalk]
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Re: Confidence and sex

Unread postby Cousin Itt » 21 February 2020, 07:37

I forgotten I took a screenshot of my one of my profiles. One of the problems is most guy in my area but even bother to put anything on their profiles. If I see a guy I like I sent a standard "hi, how's it going?" I have tried having my profile be funny, or direct but I never get any replys.
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Re: Confidence and sex

Unread postby Eos » 21 February 2020, 08:30

I don't see much to say about your profile. The only thing I must say is to avoid (in my opinion) to start a conversation with "how are you doing". It doesn't lead to insightful conversation, and I personally find them very hypocritical.
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Re: Confidence and sex

Unread postby Cousin Itt » 21 February 2020, 08:33

Then what should I say instead? Most don't put any info on their profile. So I don't know how to start a conversation.
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Re: Confidence and sex

Unread postby Marmaduke » 21 February 2020, 08:54

Ok, looking for sex is something best approached from a retail perspective. It’s advertising. It’s identifying to people that you’re offering what they’re looking for.

Don’t play safe. Safe is boring and disengaged. “How’s it going?” is only ever gonna get either a bland “good thanks, you?” return that walks you through the same old small talk to nowhere or, worse, is gonna get a negative answer that takes you away from your end goal. You’re seemingly trying to push your lack of effort onto the profiles you’re approaching being blank. Why are you approaching blank profiles? Again, retail mindset, imagine it was eBay. You don’t know what you’re dealing with, so why would you message the seller? You wouldn’t. Don’t.

Your success or failure, though not entirely, rests on the amount of effort you’re willing to put in. A conversation can start a million different ways other than “How’s it going?” and if we need to be giving you scripts, then you’re not really up to winning the game you’re trying to play. Talk about something, don’t just talk for the sake of talking. Conversation isn’t just an inconvenient hurdle that you need to pay lip service to before sticking your dick in someone. It’s most of the game. It’s the charm, the flirtation, it’s the basis of all interest.

Picture wise, you look like you’re sat in a closet. It’s not just a matter of having your face in the middle of the frame. What’s around you is important. The details are important. If you’re taking photos in a closet, why? Do you live at home with your mom and not want to take selfies in the living room for fear of her scornful remarks? If you do, that’s another significant stumbling block. If you don’t, stop making it look like you do. Look your best, make an effort. Advertising.

Also, just as a possible more general tip, Grindr isn’t really the app best playing to your chances of success. It’s an app built around a more mainstream ideal of sexual attractiveness. Advertising. Are you advertising to a market likely to be interested in your product? Have you give other apps a go? Like Scruff or Recon? You may find yourself having more success, depending on who you’re looking for.

Not to be too indiscrete, but you’ve told us you’re 29. Your profile says you’re 33, and if that screenshot is as old as your picture, it’s a year out of date and you didn’t look 33 a year ago. I completely appreciate the sense it seems to make to lie about your age, but don’t do it. Lying in general on a hook up app is a shit idea that will inevitably end with a shit result. If you’re not confident about your age, hide it.
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Re: Confidence and sex

Unread postby René » 21 February 2020, 11:10

I'm down for jb

I'm not familiar with JBs. Jowblobs? :P
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Re: Confidence and sex

Unread postby Marmaduke » 21 February 2020, 11:14

René wrote:
I'm down for jb

I'm not familiar with JBs. Jowblobs? :P

Don’t pretend like you don’t know what jowblobs are, René.
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Re: Confidence and sex

Unread postby Eryx » 21 February 2020, 16:20

If you're looking for suggestions about your look, I'd say shave your head, get glasses with a more discreet frame (transparent preferably), and hit the gym :) you'll get more attention with that. I know, looks aren't everything, but they help.
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Re: Confidence and sex

Unread postby Jryski » 24 February 2020, 14:57

The outfit might need some work and your photo needs some set dressing. Remove the towel in the background. Have a friend help you take the photo in a nicer environment. Wear something nice that won’t be interpreted as sloppy. As for starting conversations, I just notice something about them and compliment that. Telling them what I like about what I noticed. I’ve gotten quite a few positive responses even though Im clearly not their type. For our conversations, I just talk to them as I would a friend. The ones that vibe with it are the ones I want to get to know. :3
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Re: Confidence and sex

Unread postby Cousin Itt » 7 March 2020, 01:05

Here is my new profile what do you think?

I still can't get anyone to talk to me.
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Re: Confidence and sex

Unread postby René » 8 March 2020, 09:48

I see no photo. Is there one somewhere?

People on sites/apps like this will tend to first filter / narrow down options for whom to contact by appearance so they can make sure someone is physically at least somewhat their type before potentially wasting time on them, and if you have no photo up, that means it's unlikely the rest of your profile will even be read. Kind of sad, but photos are just a good instant way to rule a lot of people out.
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Re: Confidence and sex

Unread postby Cousin Itt » 8 March 2020, 18:48

I do have a picture on my profile. I just forgot to post it here.

I still can't get anyone to talk to me
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Re: Confidence and sex

Unread postby Jryski » 12 March 2020, 22:45

You sir need a makeover and someone that knows how to take good photos :3
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Re: Confidence and sex

Unread postby GearFetTwinkRomance » 13 March 2020, 10:48

In my humble opinion, the second photo already looks much better, than the first, but honestly, Mister, do you ever smile? I mean not grinning like a Halloween pumpkin, bit just a bit of a Mona Lisa type of smile.

Else, I would have said, take time to get to know people close enough. I know, this seems impossible if they don't want to get to know you better in rhe first place. I don't know much about the casual sex seeker scene. If you just want people to hang out with, you might have much better a chance if you go to lgbt groups like a hiking group or such. They don't have that at my place, yet just to hang out and have a good time, all the main crowd will do well.

On so called dating platforms I saw the same experience. Once I had a photographer take 30 pictures, outdoors, at a canoe park site. I would smile and do some fun things, but I never was anyone's type, quite a few people would send me insults out of the blue, like tell me to jump off a bridge, or dig myself a grave ...- some of the few creative ones. Okay, that was bad luck, wrong platform, wrong crowd or whatever. I noticed, that most people don't even bother to fill in their profile data. There's like Marmaduke said, don't bother. I never found out why that is the case, but a vast majority of dating platform people don't like to write something about themselves and how they perceive their world and what not, interests, hobbies, sports they do and so on. I think that could be different on actual parship sites, but then I wouldn't know for sure.

Still, having had the experience of a real Jowblob :D you have been far out in compare to me. So that's something to be proud of, isn't it? No reason to feel left aside if it's working out to find that kind of contact.

For Conversation starters, there's plenty, start with the music they might like
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Re: Confidence and sex

Unread postby richardjohnstone0683 » 14 March 2020, 20:24

Hi my friend, I find you quite attractive, I'd have sex with you.
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Re: Confidence and sex

Unread postby Jryski » 15 March 2020, 00:28

^ woohoo! There ya go! Go git em! :D
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