Confused about sexuality and relationship!

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Confused about sexuality and relationship!

Unread postby Sbelle » 6 January 2020, 23:03

:shrug: Hi guys! So I have been in a heterosexual relationship for the last year, and I am 23 (female) and have only ever been with men. However, I have gone through periods of confusion about my sexuality for most of my life. I remember finding women sexually attractive when I was younger, but not realizing what was going on. From the time I was 16-20 I was veryyyyy confused. However, I always had crushes on guys and liked guys, so I dismissed the feelings I had towards girls. I also never really had romantic interest towards women, although that could just be some kind of heteronormative societal thing that I placed on myself? Not sure.

Anyway, for the most part I stopped feeling strong attraction towards women around 21, so I figured I had been going through puberty and was straight. Little did I know that this confusion would come back haha. Now I'm in a relationship with a man whom I care about deeply, but I feel a strong attraction towards girls, and I finally feel comfortable enough to explore that. I don't know what to do.

I have this idea in my mind that if I experiment maybe I'll know once and for all what my sexuality is and will stop feeling so conflicted. I also don't understand how my sexuality can seem to shift so much. How could I have felt almost exclusively attracted to men for the last 2 years and then suddenly feel such a strong pull towards women? Is it normal if I'm bisexual that it could just fluctuate a lot?

I still enjoy sex with my boyfriend but it's not been the same lately because I am so curious about experimenting with a girl, and I feel guilty and confused. I often imagine a girl during sex - and I never ever used to do that. We really used to have amazing sex and I never thought about anyone else. I don't want to end my relationship, but I also want to explore this other side of myself. I just don't know what to do.

Would love insight about other bisexuals experiences with fluidity, if I can even consider myself bisexual given that I'm not sure I would date a woman, and what people think I should do. Thanks!!
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Re: Confused about sexuality and relationship!

Unread postby Eos » 7 January 2020, 10:05

Hi !

Well I'm not an expert, so I might be wrong, but here is what I would do.

Talk to your boyfriend about it, if you are together, he deserve to know. You need to explain to him that you love him but want to discover what it's like to be with a woman. I don't know you, but if you just ignore your feelings it might ruin your relationship, so let's not waste anyone time. But if you think this thought might disappear then give you a little time to see how it goes.
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Re: Confused about sexuality and relationship!

Unread postby Eryx » 7 January 2020, 22:07

If you love your boyfriend, enjoy sex with him and want to keep the relationship going, I think the best course of action is to be honest about it and ask him if he'd be okay with a threesome. That way you get to experiment, he gets to enjoy himself as well and you don't have to end your connection. Just make sure you don't go all in for the girl and forget he's in bed with you! hahah
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