confused on my desires?

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confused on my desires?

Unread postby badbottoms » 24 August 2021, 07:03

Hey all . Came here a long time ago and you all helped so much I am back. To start I'm mid 30s. Good looking. Good weight. All my hair haha

I'm a straight guy? But I had these cravings to be a bottom. I have with 3 guys. One of which went a year long. I still slept with girls. (And was smart and safe). I got into a relationship lived with her but I did have those thoughts of being a bottom. Well we broke up and now I'm single.

I find myself downloading and u downloading grinder or opportunities to meet men sexually. I want to do it, but as soon as I'm not horney I'm kinda grossed out. I have no emotional attachment to men in that form. It's purely sexual and only for a small amount of time. However this occurs frequently and I'll find myself masterbation to the idea of being a bottom maybe 3 times a day.

I'm not sure if I follow through with these thoughts or how to go about it. I struggle with the fact I want these sexual things but as soon as it's done I want nothing to even think about it ☺️ ll even kinda feel grossed out with myself. I'm not sure how to go about approaching this without losing my self respect ya know? Any advice appreciated.
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Re: confused on my desires?

Unread postby Subra » 24 August 2021, 17:01

badbottoms wrote:I struggle with the fact I want these sexual things but as soon as it's done I want nothing to even think about it


That is what is known as "post nut clarity".

It sounds like you're bisexual.
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Re: confused on my desires?

Unread postby pozboro » 24 August 2021, 18:15

I wouldn't worry about what you call yourself at this point - that's not really meaningful and you might figure out a label you are comfortable with at some point in the future. There are men who identify as straight who have sex with men. It's a fact of life. No more. No less.

Guilt after sex, or "post nut clarity" isn't healthy and suggests internalized homophobia. I'm unable to tell you how to make it go away but most guys I know who've dealt with such feelings have done so by aging and with the help of some therapy/counseling. A trained therapist/counselor who reflects the person you wish to be going forward should be best able to assist: for example, if you want to live a good, Christian life, a Christian therapist will be more helpful than one who rejects religion. While this doesn't mean you need a therapist who is gay, bi, queer, or whatever, they should at least regularly treat people who are dealing with questions about their sexuality.

The other option is to just stop giving a shit about the homophobia. We do have the ability to control our thoughts and behaviors and this includes our reactions to our own behavior. But again, this isn't as easy as waking up one day and saying, "I no longer give a shit." For most people it takes some sort of counseling to understand why that individual has such thoughts and why he acts a certain way. Ultimately, that understanding can't be given to you: you have to learn it for yourself through self-understanding and self-knowing.

Good luck!
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Re: confused on my desires?

Unread postby NobodySpecial » 4 September 2021, 12:07

Just remember the wise words of Clarence:
"Every time a man gets fucked, an angel earns his wings..."
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Re: confused on my desires?

Unread postby mattfumbled » 10 September 2021, 14:11

Hey all - completlely agree badbottoms. And the rest of the posts. I'm in my late 40s and married, but have become comfortable with the fact I prefer men sexually. Not emotionally though. It's a real shame that I had that 'guilt' thing when younger as it brought a swift end to what could have been a very pleasurable relationships.
Sorry to be crude, but for many years, I grossed out after masturbating to male porn - the 'post nut clarity' - but now love the release and accept it. I'm about to embark on 'extra marital' stuff with an escort. Wrong, but I'm ready to enjoy the full pleasures of sex with men.
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