confusion

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confusion

Unread postby jonni » 10 May 2019, 22:27

I am a 45 year old man living in northern ca. I have recently come to the realization that I am very Gay(not Bi-Gay). I have lived my life as a heterosexual.
The gay feelings(I didn't realize what they were at the time) began when I was 6 years old when I began sneaking into my sisters room
and putting her clothing on when I could do so without getting caught. It kind of gave me a funny feeling but I liked it. Throughout junior high and high school I had gay crushes(which again I failed to identify). I really liked these guys and was very attracted to them and would cry if one of them moved away.
I was never comfortable approaching women heterosexually. When I was 25(and still a virgin since I had no skills with women.) I met a lovely nice caring women and married her we were together until 2 years ago .Our sex life tuned out to be miserable as I could barely achieve an erection and she didn't seem to be stimulated either. She later came out as a gay woman. Not long into the marriage I began having fantasies about having sex with men which increased quite a bit as time went by. During this time I began masturbating thinking of hot men and wearing my wife's clothing occasionally using sex tools on myself. I would also go to gay bars(not to be unfaithful but because it aroused me sexually).
For the past two ears I have thought more and more about having a gay sexual relationship-the idea is actually quite stimulating. I am constantly fantasing having sex with hot men. if I could find the right person(I am a gay virgin). I have increasingly thought of it and lately it's all that I think about all the time.
After much soul searching and thinking I realizes that I have not been honest with myself and othersand my deepest feelings. I'm scared and afraid thinking about what I might do sexually myself or I what I might want to have done to me in passion as I am very feminine, submissive and eager to please. Also not sure how to start a gay life and meet other people like me as I am new to this and haven't ever done it before.
I am also very afraid of falling deeply and passionately in love with someone who is not good for me. It's all somewhat confusing to me.
If any of you out there have been through a similar situation and have any comments or advice it would be greatly appreciated.


Thank you soo much!!
Jonni
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Re: confusion

Unread postby erti » 10 May 2019, 22:53

There's not much advice I can give you. You just got to get out of your comfort zone and put yourself out there as a gay man wanting relations with other gay men. There's always risk of falling in love with someone who doesn't have your best interest at hand whether you're gay/straight/bi
Last edited by erti on 10 May 2019, 22:57, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: confusion

Unread postby jonni » 10 May 2019, 22:55

Thanks so much for your response!!

Jonni
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Re: confusion

Unread postby Jryski » 10 May 2019, 23:38

Putting on women's clothing is crossdressing and that's it's own category. As for gay life there's not really much of a gay lifestyle for you to adopt. You just live the way you are and put yourself out there. Meet people and experiment to find out what you like. Do some research about gay sex and different fetishes to find out if theres anythinng that you might like to try. Make sure you're always upfront about your interests and what you're after. You will receive alot of rejection but don't take it personally and don't let it scare you or discourage you. Make friends in the lgbt community and open up to them. They can also help guide you along. Last but not least, always be safe!
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Re: confusion

Unread postby jonni » 10 May 2019, 23:48

Thanks so much Jryski!! Appreciate the feedback!!
Best
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Re: confusion

Unread postby jonni » 11 May 2019, 00:01

Hi Jryski!!
Have a quick question for you. Don't have to answer if U don't want to. I was wondering what it is like to have anal sex if you know and would like to common. Just curios because I am more interested in being a bottom.
Thanks
Jonni
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Re: confusion

Unread postby erti » 11 May 2019, 00:16

jonni wrote:Hi Jryski!!
Have a quick question for you. Don't have to answer if U don't want to. I was wondering what it is like to have anal sex if you know and would like to common. Just curios because I am more interested in being a bottom.
Thanks
Jonni


I know this isn't a question geared towards me but I can say from experience as a women who has had anal sex. When i tried it it felt like i was pooping in a way but it was very pleasurable at the same time. I talked to a gay friend in real life about it. He said it's even mroe pleasurable for men because of their prostrate.
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Re: confusion

Unread postby jonni » 11 May 2019, 01:40

Thanks soo much erti!!
I have heard that for men anal sex gives the best possible unbelievable cosmic orgasms especially when the penetrator comes inside of you because of the location of the prostrate. I I wouldn't want to miss out on something like that!
Is it the same for women? Is it a better orgasm than vaginal sex or does it depend on who's doin it to you?
I really love your feedback!! You have been very supportive and enlightening!!


Best Regards!
Jonni
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Re: confusion

Unread postby erti » 11 May 2019, 03:43

jonni wrote:Thanks soo much erti!!
I have heard that for men anal sex gives the best possible unbelievable cosmic orgasms especially when the penetrator comes inside of you because of the location of the prostrate. I I wouldn't want to miss out on something like that!
Is it the same for women? Is it a better orgasm than vaginal sex or does it depend on who's doin it to you?
I really love your feedback!! You have been very supportive and enlightening!!


Best Regards!
Jonni


Hmm... I find it easier to get off during Anal sex than I did with vaginal. Comparing it is like apples and oranges. or most women it's much harder to get off during penetration. Some can only get off while stimulating the clitoris during penetration. The reason that it felt like I was pooping for me is because we weren't using enough lube and wasn't relaxed enough because it was the first time. I am able to get off during anal, vaginal, and oral sex. I find vaginal and anal sex has more intense orgasms especially when you and your partner orgasm the same time. It all depends on the women.
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Re: confusion

Unread postby jonni » 11 May 2019, 04:41

Hi Erti!!
While doing research on the subject I did see an article that says the anus is home to a very very large amount of micro nerve networks that are stimulated when one is penetrated with a penis or another object(it would seem a penis might be better if it stays hard) or do you like a sex tool instead of a penis? Is the come hot temperature, does the temp of the penis feel hot and warm and can you feels the pulsation of the ejaculation spurts?
Again you are soo awesome and I have gained a lot of valuable insights.
Thanks girlfriend!
Jonni
Multiple thanks for your openness! It's helping me hone in on my vision a lot!!

Thanks again
Jonni
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Re: confusion

Unread postby erti » 11 May 2019, 05:01

jonni wrote:Hi Erti!!
While doing research on the subject I did see an article that says the anus is home to a very very large amount of micro nerve networks that are stimulated when one is penetrated with a penis or another object(it would seem a penis might be better if it stays hard) or do you like a sex tool instead of a penis? Is the come hot temperature, does the temp of the penis feel hot and warm and can you feels the pulsation of the ejaculation spurts?
Again you are soo awesome and I have gained a lot of valuable insights.
Thanks girlfriend!
Jonni
Multiple thanks for your openness! It's helping me hone in on my vision a lot!!

Thanks again
Jonni


I find that a penis is much better than a dildo. It's softer and warmer depending on if there's a condom or not. I honestly never notice much when a man ejaculates inside me. However, after he ejaculates inside me it starts to drip out. Kinda feels like the sensation of wetting yourself after peeing. As for pulsation I feel my vagina pulsate more than I feel the penis.
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Re: confusion

Unread postby jonni » 11 May 2019, 05:18

Hi Erti!!
Thanks very much for your prompt replies much appreciated!! When having anal sex do you feel pulsation of the penis during ejaculation and does your anus pulsate similar to your vagina during vaginal sex? As far as come dripping out of you(I have fantasized about the feeling of come dripping from my ass after having hot sex).
Again thanks for your support and perceptive responses. It's helped me a lot!!

You're the best
Jonni
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Re: confusion

Unread postby erti » 11 May 2019, 05:34

No I don't feel pulsation in my anus like my vagina neither do i feel the pulsation of the mans penis while doing it anally. I think a lot of that for people it is mental.
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Re: confusion

Unread postby jonni » 11 May 2019, 06:54

Hi Erti!!
Thanks for your generous responses. You have gone above and beyond the call of duty. You helped me perceive my scenario more accurately. You shared things you didn't have to. You have been more than generous!!
Hope U have a fantastic week end.
Thanks so much!
You are so cool!
Won't bother you until I have another question. lol
Best
Jonni
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Re: confusion

Unread postby Jryski » 11 May 2019, 09:14

jonni wrote:Hi Jryski!!
Have a quick question for you. Don't have to answer if U don't want to. I was wondering what it is like to have anal sex if you know and would like to common. Just curios because I am more interested in being a bottom.
Thanks
Jonni


If I know. Are you calling me a virgin!?!? Lololol jkjk it's different for everyone. I'm a virgo so I like things slow and sensual with maximum contact. I like it in the missionary position and I put some silicone lube on my body as well. You can feel them rubbing against you inside and out. It's kinda almost like a spiritual experience. When they do hit your prostate, it's almost like a mini orgasm all over. Don't ever underestimate the prostate. I was able to convince a couple solely tops to let me play with them and when they felt their prostate tickled, they turned into these whimpering melting puddles of goo. It's the cutest and hottest thing. Like the show reading rainbow says, "But, don't take my word for it." Buy some toys and explore yourself to get an idea of what it's like.
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Re: confusion

Unread postby jonni » 11 May 2019, 20:28

Hi jryski!!
Thanks soo much for your response!! One question. When the tops let you play with them was it while they were doing you or was it separate. Could you describe a little more exactly how you played with him(have patience w/me I' m a newbie). Also I have sex toys and use them use them just curious as to how much better the real thing is? It certainly does seem like it would be spiritual. Can't wait to try it.
Thanks again for sharing!
Have a good rest of the weekend!!
Jonni
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Re: confusion

Unread postby Jryski » 12 May 2019, 02:50

jonni wrote:Hi jryski!!
Thanks soo much for your response!! One question. When the tops let you play with them was it while they were doing you or was it separate. Could you describe a little more exactly how you played with him(have patience w/me I' m a newbie). Also I have sex toys and use them use them just curious as to how much better the real thing is? It certainly does seem like it would be spiritual. Can't wait to try it.
Thanks again for sharing!
Have a good rest of the weekend!!
Jonni


It was seperate. They still hit me up sometimes and ask me to top them. :rofl: I started with figering them at first. I kept it to a maximum of two fingers because most people that say that they don't enjoy being penetrated are thinking only about the discomfort of breaching the sphincter. They lay down on their back. I used plenty of lube, slid my finger inside, and wiggle it around so they get used to the sensation. Then I curl my finger upwards and press my finger against them hard and rub curcles in a up and down motion. I donmt touch their dicks until way later because touching their dick makes their sphincter clench up automatically and that could be a little bit uncomfortable for them in the beginning. When they get really into it, I'll use toys on them. I get the prostate massagers that vibrate the hardest and just like I do with my finger, I press it upwards against them hard and rub circles slowly. :3 Personally I dont think the real thing is as good as a full on prostate assault when you're talking solely about the physical feeling but the real thing feels better because you have a real person with you and you get much more than just prostate tickles. :P
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Re: confusion

Unread postby jonni » 12 May 2019, 03:57

Hi Jryski!!
Thanks again for your response!! You are an awesome source of info. Nice to get info from someone who really knows. Sounds so hot!
Something I would like to have done to me very arousing!! Thinking about it makes me hard!!
Thanks for providing all your details--sounds like you are very efficient and detail oriented. Have a great fun filled Saturday night!!
Thanks so much girlfriend!!
Jonni
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Re: confusion

Unread postby Jryski » 12 May 2019, 06:21

jonni wrote:Hi Jryski!!
Thanks again for your response!! You are an awesome source of info. Nice to get info from someone who really knows. Sounds so hot!
Something I would like to have done to me very arousing!! Thinking about it makes me hard!!
Thanks for providing all your details--sounds like you are very efficient and detail oriented. Have a great fun filled Saturday night!!
Thanks so much girlfriend!!
Jonni


Hahaha no problem! Glad I could help! :)
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Re: confusion

Unread postby uncut7in » 26 May 2019, 12:32

I have absolutely no experience of vaginal sex but plenty with anal sex. When I was with my first boyfriend, we used to fuck each other 50:50 and it was OK. With my next, he was a total top and fucked me each time we met. I can't say I got much pleasure from it, apart from one occasion when I had an anal orgasm.

My last boyfriend was a total bottom, and I loved the feel of my cock sliding in and out of his tight ass. Receiving anal sex was very important to him as every session he would beg me to fuck him. I think it was the combination of the physical feeling and being dominated.
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