Effeminate guys

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Effeminate guys

Unread postby alilou » 12 February 2019, 11:11

Hello everyone,I joined this forum two days ago and I mentioned that I have a couple of subjects I would like to discuss with all of you.one of them is,I looks girlish and when I talk I sound like a girl.so effeminate that if I crossdress nobody would tell that under that perfect makeup and dress there is a guy.
I heard that gays in general don't like my type which i considered hypocrisy within our community.
Anyway,I just want to know your thoughts abt this and I'll make sure to put some of my pics (face and body)later on so you know exactly what I'm talking abt.
Thank you in advance for you your feedbacks
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Re: Effeminate guys

Unread postby Brasileiro » 12 February 2019, 12:27

I am super fem and have done some crossdressing as a teen because my Italian ladyfriend loved to go shopping with me like that and passed easy, so I know what you are talking about.
I also have a high pitch voice (sound like a kid, I suppose).
I can assure you I never lacked attention and had hundreds of men in bed.

There are people who do not like this or that (fat, hairy, no hair, colored, white, small, large, thin, young, old.... you name it), and fems are no exception, but there are still plenty that do not mind or even prefer us.

It does not matter how fem or extrevagant one is. There are plenty of vlogs and other videos with followers and "likes" in the thousands to prove that!
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Re: Effeminate guys

Unread postby Peter » 12 February 2019, 12:39

I am short and "cute-looking", and a lot of guys like that.
It's mostly the tall and muscular men though, maybe since they are dominant and like how I am smaller than them. :P
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Re: Effeminate guys

Unread postby Levi Sinner » 12 February 2019, 14:43

Well most gay guys won't like an effeminate guy, however there are many who are looking specifically for this. I used to have a very delicate, sweet and feminine boyfriend and this was what turned me on the most about him. I'm sure you've been getting looked at by straight guys, they are the ones who get turned one the most by more girly guys.
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Re: Effeminate guys

Unread postby Eryx » 12 February 2019, 14:53

I wouldn't say it's most gay guys who don't like them, it just seems that way because of hook-up apps. Most of the guys who go there are still insecure about themselves and feel that protecting their masculinity (including through which partners they engage with) is extremely important for them to feel like men while still being gay.

What I noticed from that is that a lot of gay guys who put that on their bios actually do like feminine guys and will pursue relationships or sex with them, but won't own up to it. And then there's a whole lot of people who don't have a problem with femininity at all - my more effeminate friends never mentioned ever having a problem with finding sexual partners or boyfriends.
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Re: Effeminate guys

Unread postby alilou » 12 February 2019, 17:21

What do you think guys?
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Re: Effeminate guys

Unread postby Reyes » 12 February 2019, 21:16

Pretty much echoing what has been said above. A lot of guys actually prefer fem guys, even if it seems as though they aren't liked in our community.

Don't get me wrong, like Eryx said above, on Grindr you'll find 'no fems - if I wanted to have sex with a women id date one' in about 2 seconds. But a lot of the time these guys are insecure within their own masculinities or just simply a prick. So ignore these types of guys, you'll have no problem finding other guys who quite like fem guys to date/have sex with or even just as friends :)

Also, the typical masc4masc gays can often come across as quite boring :D, fem/average guys tend to be a bit funnier imo.
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Re: Effeminate guys

Unread postby Yeauxleaux » 12 February 2019, 22:39

I think it depends what you mean by "fem" though.

Most gay men have no issue with guys that have some feminine personality traits, interests or some little "stereotypical" gay quirks - I know I have no problem with that and actually I think I do prefer it over the "straight acting" aesthetic. That said, I really don't think many gay men are into guys who straight-up do drag and literally do look/act like women. I don't think it's that deep either in terms of there being some "reason" for it, other than that gay men are attracted to men and presumably are going to value male characteristics*, at least aesthetically if nothing else.

When gay men say they prefer a "masculine" guy, I think they're generally talking about the physical aesthetics* of masculinity - gym body, rugged face, fairly deep voice, mens' clothing, perhaps facial/body hair*. Many feminine men do prefer that as well, so if there's any hypocrisy I find it's actually there, with feminine men who accost masculine men for the very same preference they often have.

#NotAll, feminine men, there are some of you who aren't on that hypocritical shit and I do see you.

*Just in case anyone tries to respond like this, we're not gonna pretend we don't know what typical male characteristics and traditional masculinity are. So I don't wanna hear any (add vocal fry) "but gender is fluid and a spectraaam! It's a social construct!", no, we know what what men typically look like.
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Re: Effeminate guys

Unread postby Reyes » 13 February 2019, 00:12

Yeauxleaux wrote:When gay men say they prefer a "masculine" guy, I think they're generally talking about the physical aesthetics* of masculinity - gym body, rugged face, fairly deep voice, mens' clothing, perhaps facial/body hair*. Many feminine men do prefer that as well, so if there's any hypocrisy I find it's actually there, with feminine men who accost masculine men for the very same preference they often have.

That's an interesting point, I think it's just that a lot of the time how feminine guys state they are interested in masculine guys is usually a lot less harsh and doesn't take the usual form of what I mentioned earlier about the whole, 'if I wanted a women i'd date one'/no queens etc - which I've seen on Grindr usually used by the more masculine appearing men (a bit of a generalisation but just my experience).

I think it just comes down to the manner in which you state your preference. If I said i'm into really feminine guys as future partners i'd be lying, however how i'd state this on a dating profile would be much more polite than the examples given above.
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Re: Effeminate guys

Unread postby Yeauxleaux » 13 February 2019, 00:19

That I do think is a good point

There is a polite way of saying you have these preferences (or just not saying it at all and being quiet about it). I certainly don't condone people being rude about their preferences at all, I do think it's a dickhead thing to do and it's very needless. There's types of guys I'm not interested in dating but I don't see a need to spew it.

That said, I don't think it's THAT common to see this blunt bashing of men you don't like. It does happen and it's not that hard to find it if you're looking for it (and people on the internet can make it seem more common by collecting examples and making a collage of them), but I don't think it's a phenomenon either based on what I've seen. If anything I'd say men bluntly stating racial preferences is way more common, which I find worse in ways, because you can control how masc or fem you present but you can't control your racial phenotype.
Last edited by Yeauxleaux on 13 February 2019, 00:26, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Effeminate guys

Unread postby Reyes » 13 February 2019, 00:26

Yeah I feel like I see less guys being rude on their profile particularly when it comes to race which is good to see. But ya personally I don't bother state which guys I'm into/not into on dating apps, especially Tinder where the option of who you speak to is literally down to you.
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Re: Effeminate guys

Unread postby naskurnarah » 13 February 2019, 17:14

1. I don't think it is hypocritical to say that one doesn't like effeminate guys. All of us have preferences, and that's okay. For instance, I prefer slim or well-built guys to fat ones, taller guys to shorter guys etc.

2. Another reason why a lot of straight acting guys don't want to be with effeminate men is because they don't want others to find this thing about their sexuality. A straight acting gay guy will be suspected of being gay if he hangs out with effeminate men.

3. As Eryx rightly commented above, insecure gay guys don't want to hook up with effeminate men to protect their own fragile sense of masculinity.

4. It is important for each one of us to have the self respect to not beg for love. Move away from people who don't love you. There's someone out there who love you the way you are, and you'll be a lot happier with them. There's no point complaining about someone not loving you.

5. In the worst case scenario of you being surrounded fully by people who bully/tease/taunt you for being effeminate, move away from them and try to be alone. Better to be alone than to be in bad company. One can still be alone, and not feel lonely. Solitude is bliss.

6. Instead of spending your time and expending your energy, on trying to be loved by people, spend them on things that are productive. Pick up a book to read, watch good movies, make a bucket list of worthwhile things to do, make some money to be financially secure, and try to meet guys who love you for what you are.

Best wishes,
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Re: Effeminate guys

Unread postby mxguy01 » 13 February 2019, 19:36

It's good to keep in mind that people are not required to be your friend, lover or anything else. You expect your space to be respected, you also need to respect the space of others. That being said for me it is way more about other personality traits that lead to my likes/dislikes. I certainly don't care much for the guy with the high voice doing everything humanly possibly and then some to get notice by everyone in the bar. But that has noting to do with fem when it comes down to it.

My point basically is that your are more likely to be judge about other things of your personalty more so than the basis of strictly fem/masc.
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Re: Effeminate guys

Unread postby Yeauxleaux » 13 February 2019, 20:22

mxguy01 wrote:It's good to keep in mind that people are not required to be your friend, lover or anything else. You expect your space to be respected, you also need to respect the space of others.
I do think that's a really good point and I've said this before; There is no such thing as an "invalid" reason for someone to not want to date or have sex with you, even if you might think it's a very superficial reason.

If someone is not attracted to you then it really doesn't matter why, the fact that they're not is the bottom line and I think it's entitlement to try foisting yourself onto them.

I say take care of yourself, put yourself together nice, exude confidence, be the best version of yourself you can possibly be, and go where your kind of look and vibe is celebrated. The men who are interested in what you bring to the table will come sniffing around.
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Re: Effeminate guys

Unread postby mxguy01 » 13 February 2019, 21:03

Yeauxleaux wrote:
mxguy01 wrote:It's good to keep in mind that people are not required to be your friend, lover or anything else. You expect your space to be respected, you also need to respect the space of others.
I do think that's a really good point and I've said this before; There is no such thing as an "invalid" reason for someone to not want to date or have sex with you, even if you might think it's a very superficial reason.

If someone is not attracted to you then it really doesn't matter why, the fact that they're not is the bottom line and I think it's entitlement to try foisting yourself onto them.

I say take care of yourself, put yourself together nice, exude confidence, be the best version of yourself you can possibly be, and go where your kind of look and vibe is celebrated. The men who are interested in what you bring to the table will come sniffing around.


I recently ran into a straight guy on a ski trip with the group from Meetup.com that I had such issues with. We had just me and something like 1 minute into the conversation he said "I have to be friends with you". Right from the start that was just odd. Then in the following few hours of our drive, he repeated the same thing. The short of it was he had a lot of personality traits that I really don't care much for. NBD just means we wont be anything more than acquaintances and that is fine. In other conversations it became apparent this dude just thinks he's the greatest and everyone should want to be his friend. Maybe even worse he seems to think you have to be his friend if that is what he wants. I certainly gave him enough cues but like some will do rather than accepting it, he just got even more in my face. At that point I was thinking "want to bang bars in the corner with me? I can show you how it's done". Anyways reason prevailed with me and I just mostly avoided him. Funny after the ride back he was the one to turn his back on me and leave without the expected reasonably courteous "see you later"; of course I thought at least he understands we are not going to be friends. So instead of giving someone space who clearly indicated it was called for, he turned it into an direct conflict.

When it comes to friends, lovers etc, you need to deal with rejection. That is far different from acceptance. Some just don't get that.
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Re: Effeminate guys

Unread postby Eryx » 14 February 2019, 18:06

I've had similar experiences before, mxguy! I think it's related to some sort of insecurity. People like that try to find someone to cling to right from the get-go because they're scared no one's going to be their best buddy for an activity. I used to be really insecure about that when I was younger, because I was often left out and always kept trying to make a more special connection with someone just to have a person tagging along.

Funnily enough, nowadays I'm the complete opposite. I stay quiet and try to enjoy things on my own, and that's the way I prefer it. If someone comes along it's entirely because they wanted to and they really need to call my attention for me to actually pursue a connection.
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Re: Effeminate guys

Unread postby mxguy01 » 14 February 2019, 20:50

Eryx wrote:I've had similar experiences before, mxguy! I think it's related to some sort of insecurity. People like that try to find someone to cling to right from the get-go because they're scared no one's going to be their best buddy for an activity. I used to be really insecure about that when I was younger, because I was often left out and always kept trying to make a more special connection with someone just to have a person tagging along.

Funnily enough, nowadays I'm the complete opposite. I stay quiet and try to enjoy things on my own, and that's the way I prefer it. If someone comes along it's entirely because they wanted to and they really need to call my attention for me to actually pursue a connection.


Yeah I get all that about being insecure and overcompensating. But really he was different. Quite conceded more so than insecure and overcompensating. Quite weird too. He had the pull out couch in the living room, no one else in the living room. He kept on telling people (the guys) they could sleep with him and joke about cuddling. I wanted to tell him he is no where near my level of standards. Everyone had the same reaction which was basically to ignore such comments. There there was the constant trying to compare himself to me - "what's the fastest speed skiing you've ever been clocked at, I'v was clocked at ...". It was non-stop. Bragging about almost taking out slower skiers which is complete BS for someone who had decent skills. Me, I just drop hints that I'm a pretty good skier - "I fell of the groomers when I moved west and just don't ever seem to be able to find them", "I generally start my day with a double black, sets the tone for me", "Where I ski, most don't like to follow and some have gotten hurt trying" <- this is actually true. It was after the "how fast" question that I wanted to ask "My dick is 7" when fully erect, can you beat that"?

I just keep thinking and wanted to really say "you're the kind of person I would never be friends with. You're lucky I even acknowledge your existence because your such an ass". We rode up in the car with a couple other women who are regulars on these trips. We've become friends and I plan on skiing with them more next year. I got back reciprocal statements so hence my labeling them as friends. What can I say, I'm like one of the girls with them XD; it's pretty cool.

Some people are just destined to be forever clueless about themselves and others.
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Re: Effeminate guys

Unread postby iBttm » 19 February 2019, 12:04

Levi Sinner wrote:Well most gay guys won't like an effeminate guy. I'm sure you've been getting looked at by straight guys, they are the ones who get turned one the most by more girly guys.


I'm effeminate and the most attention I get is from straight guys! Older ones too which are my favorite.
I love straight guys cause they just want head until they see my ass then they want more lol. Or if I'm in a theater they know I'm feminine even though I'm just spandex and tight v-neck that shows my cleavage. Some bi-guys are fun too but only when I get them to flip and only top me lol.

I'll never join the "i hate straight guys" train that regular bottoms ride. I like their 'toxic masculinity' too much!
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Re: Effeminate guys

Unread postby mxguy01 » 1 March 2019, 04:39

I'm not straight by any means. But pretty straight acting though. There is a guy at the bar who is a bit femme and I find myself attracted to him; A lot. So back to my point, singular categorizing just doesn't work. Start concentrating on the guys you like and in return like you; weather you believe it or not they exist.
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