Gay man who doesn't like...

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Gay man who doesn't like...

Unread postby elijahh » 11 November 2019, 08:48

Hello guys,
I am new to this forum and would like to talk with you about a problem I have. I definitely know that I am attracted to boys, physically and romantically. However, at this point I come to the conclusion that I maybe don't like anal sex.
I tried out everything to make it possible to have passive anal sex (I don't like to be top) but nothing worked till now. I tried to train with dildos and vibrators, I use a condom and much, much lube if I try to have sex with a guy. We tried different positions, really slowly and with the focus that I breath correctly and completely relaxed. But for some reasons it just don't work for me. There is this feeling which is extremely uncomfortable for me. Even if the tip of the penis of the guy is in me, there is this burning pressure where my body just send me signals to cancel the sex as soon as possible. I am really frustrated, I even went to a sex therapist with this problem but she could not help me.

I am 23 and had two relationships with guys till now and both of them left me because anal sex did not work. I fear that if I don't learn to enjoy anal sex, I can never find a relationship because I think nobody wants to be in a relationship with a person if he cannot have penetrating sex. I experienced that oral or manual sex is just not satisfying enough for guys who want to be in a committed relationship.

What do you think about my problem? Am I doing something wrong or is it also possible that I am anatomically not built to have a penis inside me.

PS: Sorry for my English, I am from Germany :keke:
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Re: Gay man who doesn't like...

Unread postby Jryski » 11 November 2019, 14:53

It's perfectly notmal not to enjoy anal sex. However it sounds like you weren't able to actually relax completely. It might help if an experienced partner thats versatile walks you through it.
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Re: Gay man who doesn't like...

Unread postby elijahh » 12 November 2019, 10:13

Do you have maybe any tips which could make the process easier besides relaxing? Maybe some position or anything I can do with my body or ass to get the penis easier inside me?
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Re: Gay man who doesn't like...

Unread postby Brasileiro » 12 November 2019, 10:37

Sort of like half of gaymen do not have anal sex.... It is not something one has to do to have good sex.
Do not force yourself to "get used to it" just because you fear you will not be able to get a boyfriend if you do not have anal sex.
If you do not crave it, it is not for you, nothing wrong with that.

Maybe you should concentrate on topping instead of bottoming. since there are way more bottoms than tops, there is quite a demand...
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Re: Gay man who doesn't like...

Unread postby elijahh » 12 November 2019, 11:35

It is hard for me to believe that only giving oral or hand jobs is satisfying and good enough for my future partner. I tried out being top several times but it just doesn't turn me on, it even feels a little bit odd because I am usually the more thinner guy in my relationships.
Are u really sure that half of gay people don't have anal sex? I have never met or talked with a gay guy before who said that he isn't into anal :D
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Re: Gay man who doesn't like...

Unread postby Jryski » 12 November 2019, 16:54

I mean if you want to you can try having him lie down and you ease urself onto him. That might be easier and will be at your own pace.
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Re: Gay man who doesn't like...

Unread postby Brasileiro » 12 November 2019, 21:32

elijahh wrote:It is hard for me to believe that only giving oral or hand jobs is satisfying and good enough for my future partner. I tried out being top several times but it just doesn't turn me on, it even feels a little bit odd because I am usually the more thinner guy in my relationships.
Are u really sure that half of gay people don't have anal sex? I have never met or talked with a gay guy before who said that he isn't into anal :D

Yes, I am sure, there are plenty of studies and articles about it.

There is also something like sticking it between the thies and not actually penetrating but still get all the motion and friction...
And maybe you should try tantric sex. I mean, just penetrative sex is actually quite boring. There is more to sex than going through the motions, especially if you have a connection. Do not let porn guide you, but your feelings.

There is no rule in what bodytype is supposed to be top or bottom, come on! It is only about wanting it yes or no and enjoying it yes or no and you make your own rules that can change over time or even with every partner.

You do not HAVE TO HAVE anal sex. You really do not.

https://www.gq.com/story/the-biggest-myth-about-gay-sex
https://www.good.is/articles/gay-sex-is-not-anal-sex
This study includes pain during anal sex https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4184502/

There is plenty more to find if you look for it....
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Re: Gay man who doesn't like...

Unread postby Zamel » 13 November 2019, 06:20

It s kinda the same for me
And i neeeeeed a looooot of time to get into the mood even if i have the strong desire!
Well it s a question of use and habit.. u will learn how to relax take it and also have pleasure
Be with a partner who is a good listener but aslo who wil not stop at everh NO if u love saying no :)
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Re: Gay man who doesn't like...

Unread postby elijahh » 13 November 2019, 08:34

Okay, thanks for the answers guys :) I will either try it again with a more experienced guy who excepts my boundaries but still sometimes try to push me or I will just accept the fact that anal sex is nothing for me and that I should try out other sex types.
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Re: Gay man who doesn't like...

Unread postby rogonandi » 13 November 2019, 21:47

Take it slow, and read the guy you’re entering’s body language. Real life sex isn’t porn.
People love to follow fools; they don't feel so alone then.

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Re: Gay man who doesn't like...

Unread postby GearFetTwinkRomance » 14 November 2019, 18:25

elijahh wrote:It is hard for me to believe that only giving oral or hand jobs is satisfying and good enough for my future partner. I tried out being top several times but it just doesn't turn me on, it even feels a little bit odd because I am usually the more thinner guy in my relationships.
Are u really sure that half of gay people don't have anal sex? I have never met or talked with a gay guy before who said that he isn't into anal :D


I'm not. I'm fairly old and more into cuddling, romance and fetish gear. Tried a Billy stick and things (Tonfa in Deutsch) , didn't do it for me. So there's quite a few guys who don't focus on anal or even don't want any. There are also sensual and romantic folks, and there's oral in a lot of different ways.
If ya want to hang with me, let's go windsurfing!
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Re: Gay man who doesn't like...

Unread postby Magic J » 17 November 2019, 22:40

elijahh wrote:Are u really sure that half of gay people don't have anal sex? I have never met or talked with a gay guy before who said that he isn't into anal :D

In another life, I was a rep for a university LGBT society. The main jobs were drinking a lot, handing out fistfuls of condoms, and vainly trying to suggest the merits of the dental dam (lol), but occasionally someone would ask me this very question. The stat I was using at that time was "about 30%" of gay men either never or very rarely have anal sex. That's a minority, but still a pretty big one. I can't for the life of me remember where this was reported, though I think I remember it having quite a large number of participants for its (UK) questionnaire.

Speaking personally (bisexual male), I generally don't. I can't, actually, but I shall mercifully spare you the details. I can top, though, if that's something they wanted to do. Most gay/bi guys I've met do, as you say, seem to have some expectation of anal sex, but I've also met several who either avoid or are ambivalent. It's never been a deal breaker for me, tbh.

Brasileiro wrote:There is also something like sticking it between the thies and not actually penetrating but still get all the motion and friction...

Intercrural. A dying art, alas. :P
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Re: Gay man who doesn't like...

Unread postby elijahh » 18 November 2019, 18:25

Interesting answer, Magic J. 30 percent is indeed not a small number. Maybe I should not expect to find guys who are not into anal if I am on sites like grinder where most of the guys are only looking for sex. Received some harsh answers when I told them that anal is not my thing :D
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Re: Gay man who doesn't like...

Unread postby Brasileiro » 21 November 2019, 09:52

There are more ways to meet up with gay guys than Grindr.
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Re: Gay man who doesn't like...

Unread postby kenzie_matt » 26 November 2019, 06:45

I have a friend who doesn't enjoy anal at all - top or bottom. He's managed to find somebody who has the same view on it. They're happy as they are and do other things that are as fulfilling to them.
If the guy can't respect your preferences, he's not a guy you want to be in a relationship with. Not trying to sound like Dr. Phil, but life really is too short to sacrifice your happiness and well-being just so the other guy can get off the way he wants.
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